There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Jun 14, 2015

Hamaari Adhuri Kahaani

Loved the movie, the performances.  Imran Hashmi in particular was a surprise.  The raw human emotions touched a chord in me.  No major twists, predictable story line but performances make watching it worthwhile.

For some reason, I have so many thoughts going on in my head, there is so much I think about something that I want to put down here but can't do once I sit about doing it.. Early signs of Alzheimers or something like that I guess :-p.

May 1, 2015

1st in 2015 - Turmoil

This is the first actual post in the new year which is no longer new, a quarter done... but again never too late to begin.

This past year has been a mix and match of highest of highs and lowest of lows..  The weather and the depression caught up with me must faster than anything else could, the lowest in my life in terms of my coping skills and me as a person too.. There are a million things that I would like to put up here and then it all fizzles and the blankness in the blog represented the blanked out me for the most part, pulling up my strings with the support of my daughter and the efforts of OA and not to mention my desperate attempts to pull myself up, maybe I should be penning it up more than anything else so that a few of you out there might benefit or maybe recognize those going through it and offer support, maybe I will...

No promises like always and will try my best to be around and take it from there...

Naalona Sivudu galadu - Bharani

Aatagadara Siva is something that goes on a repeated loop for minimum 10 times and this is one such too... just feel like listening to it time and again, bhaavam, rendition and everything...

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu lokammunelagaladu- korite sokammu baapagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu ganga paikettagaladu, paapulanu tungalo tokkagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu kondapai undagaladu- varamicchi gundelo pandagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu oka kannu teravagaladu- vaddante rentinee mooyagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu sagamu panchiyyagaladu- tikkato asalu tuncheyagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu manalona kalavagaladu- dayatoti tanalona kalapagaladu - Naalona-

 -Naalona sivudu galudu, nee lona sivudu galadu- -naalona gala sivudu neelona gala sivudu naatakaalaadagaladus teradinchi moota katteyagaladu - Naalona-

 Just too good...

Dec 23, 2014

Death, Voyeurs and Vultures

This year the film industry has seen so many deaths, started on extremely bad note with a buddy UD..

and must confess that I had become so obsessed with it that it took so long to get back to normalcy and I am not really sure if I am there yet.  I kept watching those visuals, thinking why??? and then the events in the family did not help, the truths that stumbled out, the struggle he would have faced before leaving the body, it haunted me for quite some time and then some solace that it all stems from within, from what we think we need, what we do to get that and all that, it was a whirlpool that kept sucking me into it.

Then the most recent Chakri episode, brought the darker corners of all the individuals he left behind and the media having a field day with the voyeurs like me taking in all the crap they show :( and then taking it too far in the minds

where are we going, too much intrusion into the lives of the celebrities, everything is out in open, no peace for the family members to mourn in peace, to spend the final moments of physical presence and say their good byes, sad!!

and the latest Balachander sick and the false death news and all that which kind of was too much for me to handle, it was like people were waiting for him to go away so that they can carry the news, content for a couple of days with phone calls, photos, interviews, views and following each and every single moment including the funeral pyre visuals and move over to something else...

not liking!!!

Dec 22, 2014

atu tirigi itu tirigi

Gundraayilaaga gundragaa perigipovatam kaakundaa ee madhyana nenu chestunna inko pani enti ante TVni alaa pattukuni velaadatam, edo raayaali, ento raayaali, edo cheseyyaali anesukuni poddune lechi ee bujji lappyni laplo pettukogaane anni marchipoyi naa gola naadi...

life is good, getting better, no complaints... happy!!

wherever I go, I need to come back to my space sooner or later... no promises to this zone but yes I love to be here.

Aatagadaraa Siva - Midhunam

Yet another song from Tanikella Bharani's pen that has a deep impact on me

Aatagadaraa Siva, aata gada kesava -2- aatagadaraa neeku amma todu.

aatagada jananaalu aatagada maranaalu -2-,
madhyalo pranayaalu aata neeku

aatagada sontaalu aatagada pantaalu -2-
aatagada sontaalu aatagada pantaalu
aatagada antaalu aata neeku


aatagadara nalupu, aatagadaraa telupu
nalupu telupula gelupu aata neeku
aatagadaraa mannu, aatagadaraa minnu -2-
midhyalo unchi aadevu nannu


How true, manam mana chuttu erparuchukune valayamlo, imidipoyi marchipoye jeevita saaram!

Melukove Chitti Talli - Rajanna

Just fell in love with this song.

While it is a different thing putting the kids to sleep when they are kids, we sure need such songs to wake up in the morning...

Melukove chitti talli, meluko naa kanna talli
meluko bangaaru talli... Gangaa meluko

Adaviloni bondu mallivi, andamaina sandamaamavi
kannu terisi ninnu choosi, ennelemmala nuvvu navvave
gangaa meluko

Turupamma poddu puvvu poose, kokkoroko kodi koose
gootiloni guvva lese, aatalaadaga ninnu pilise
gangaa meluko

Chitti adugulu veyamantu mattinele adugutondi
neeku laale postanantu nalla mabbe navvutondi
Gangaa meluko

Navvithe ratanalu raale, mudduke mutyaalu raale
mogamu modugu puvvulaaye, palukule raamasilakalaaye
Gangaa meluko

Suppanaati soopu ninnu sokakundaa dishti teestaa
noorellu batakamantu naa aayuvu neeku posta
Gangaa meluko

Vinagaane vintoone undipovaali anipinchenta muddaina mucchataina paata, how can the day not be wonderful if you wake up to it.

Sep 10, 2014

Okeoka Jeevitham - Mr. Nookayya

Missed this song some how, saw the movie but it did not register at all... was watching Real talk with Manchu Lakshmi and when she mentioned it got back and heard it... loved it...  She has an amazing sense of music, love it

Movie - Mr. Nookayya.

Okeoka jeevitham idi cheyi jariponeeku
malli raani ee kshanaanni mannu paalu kaaneeku
kashtamanedi leni rojantu ledu kadaa
kanneeru daatukuntu saagipoka tappaduga

Amma kadupu vadilina adugadugu
anandam kosame ee parugu
kashtaala baatalo kadavaraku
chirunavvu vadalaku... --Ohho--

Nuvvevaru nenevaru raasinadevaru mana kadhalu
nuvu nenu chesinavaa, mana peruna jarige panulu
idi machi ani, adi cheddadani
tookalu veyyagalavaarevaru
andariki, chivaraakhariki tudi teerpu okkade paivadu

 Autunna melu, keedoo
anubhavaalega rendoo

Daivam chethi bommalega, nuvvu nenu evaraina
talo paathra veyyakunte kaala yatra kadilena -Ho-
nadi sandramandu digi nilichaaka -Ho-
edureedakunda munakesthaava -Ho-
ninu nammukunna nee praanaanni -Ho-
addariki cherchava...

Puttukatho nee adugu vantariga modalainadile
bathuku ane maargamulo, tana todevaru nadavarule
cheekatilo, nisi raathirilo nee needa kooda ninu vadulunule
nee vaaru anu vaarevaru lerantu nammithe manchidile
chithivaraku neetho nuvve,
chivaranta neetho nuvve,
chuttu unna lokamanthaa neetho lene ledanuko
 nee kannullo neeru tudiche cheyi kooda needanuko

Lokaana nammakam ledasale
dani peru mosamai marenule
verevari saayamo endukule
ninu nuvvu nammuko...

Jul 15, 2014

The Changed Person

I have been an adventure loving person, trying out new things, talking out to new people, eating new things and basically exploring into the unknown territory... winning over the fear was the most important thing always but of late, I have gone into a shell, the person who enjoyed the tallest biggest huge roller coasters gets nauseous on kiddy rides that the kid so loves to take.

Things, events, people change the way I had been to the way I am... the other day I been to backwaters at a cove beach and suddenly I feel suffocated, the smell of the stagnant water, the sight of endless waters of ocean, instead of sending in the usual peace and positivity in me, just made me think of the VNR tragedy, the kids washed out, the fear of water, large quantities of it has started...

and to end with a positive note, the kid who had been scared of water because of an incident in the pool where she kind of drank a little water and developed a deep water fear has for the first time tried to overcome them and yes, she did take her first dip in the pool, yes with the nose mask of course but the point is she DID it, she winning over her fear, extreme fear is an inspiration in itself... God bless and touch wood touch wood, kaala tika.

Jul 13, 2014

Frozen Mania

Finally, we got into the bandwagon of watching Disney Movies... phew!! She had been out of the princess mania for quite some time by the local standards I think... not to demean any kind of parenting but I really really cant understand kids or parents who insist on having so much of disney princess stuff at home and neither do I understand the concept of prince, princess, kissing and and all that happily ever after fairy tale stuff at such an young age, but then again, that is how radically different I am rather than how different they are... I am crazy that way, just not judgmental...

so enough of disclaimers later, the kid broke our back and we had to get her the Frozen movie, it all started when they taught her the Let it Go song for her graduation party where a few girls already knew the song and she did not... sigh!!! As a safe measure we got her the movie from redbox as opposed to buying a cd :-p and this is the 4th time since yesterday evening that the marathon is running... tired I am and waiting for her to be tired too... but no signs whatsoever... God save the mom :-p

Jul 11, 2014

Kids and Rains and Rhymes

The other day I was talking to a friend and then in the conversation it had come that it is not raining and all that... and what came out is thought provoking

baala vaakku brahma vaakku antaaru and as kids in earlier days we used to sing the song

vaanallu kuravaali vari chelu pandaali budugo budugo or some other rhymes inviting the rain god... and the gods used to fulfill their wishes

now it is the other way round with our Tinglish kids singing Rain Rain Go Away... how will the rains come ya... how??????

Weird or Normal???

I have a while ago ranted, raved, grieved, seethed about a few people who created something out of nowhere using my name and then it took some time for me to come out of it.  In fact a lot of heart pain and a lot of confusion later, things got okay.  In fact okay to a point where I starting giving almost zero importance to a lot of things and people in the life who are just acquaintances and just move on instead of even thinking about them.  It has been a pain, a jolt but bearable.  Learned quite a few lessons and kept moving on.

After that, the interaction has really gone down... a particular person who just calls me nonstop akka twice in the same sentence tried to keep in touch, feigned innocence, acted all good and kept giving information unsought and kept spoiling my moods in between in spite of requesting not to but then it all became a part of life, just listen to her if we have time or do not even pick up the call.. now thinking back, for people whose sole purpose is to talk about others and get our work done, NEVER ever pay attention.

Looking back why blame that person it is her nature.  I think I myself had that part in me where I wanted to listen to what people are talking about me.  My conscious effort of being good to all the people no matter what they are ignoring their weaknesses and focusing on their individual strengths kind of backfired or maybe it did work very well.  I had only seen the best in them and went with it and no matter what never waver from that consciously nurtured habit of mine no matter how many dirty set backs.

Looking back, I was so attached to Atlanta,  I realize later it was not the place, it was the people here, who I thought were really really good, caring, concerned, who had helped me (no denying) in the phase I needed them most, took care of my kid, spent their valuable time with her, playing, teaching, driving her around and making place for us in their lives.  It was all really well, good and I always patted myself on my back for being able to find out the gems of people to be around me... in fact they were and are.  It is the people in the middle who kept calling me to update stuff that were the mischief mongers, using my name for what they wanted to say 'cos I was no longer there.. BUT Damn!!! what the hell will they get out of such thing!!  It is disgusting.  There are some incidents which I still get irritated to, some people whose thoughts just boil my blood but am trying to cut down those feeling, tough it is but it is not impossible.  Maybe age has dampened my anger or whatever..

From now on I will consciously try and erase a few people who now I know are for sure the true sick ones.. the point of the post or the thought process is eliminating them from life is easy but is eliminating such situations ever possible.. is it the people that are weird or me for not understanding them or maybe I have to be even more sterner with the people that talk. I have always known that people who talk to me will talk against me to someone else who will listen but even when you dont listen they want to talk???? is it still in our hands...

well yes... just do not even have mercy or whatever who talks nonsense is a nuisance any time even if you listen or not, so do not associate yourself to it... Actually Run from such people because once they understand you are not going to tell anything they want, they will spread what they want to say on your name 'cos you wont let them reach you anyways :(...

 my funda for now until this goes wrong somewhere too :)


There are so many many things that the kid says and does are just going undrafted...

Looking back I realize that she changes every single day, a lot of things she did, does surprise me a lot, I enjoy and think that I am going to cherish them throughout my life but I realize that no my failing mind does not provide me that luxury, i need to jot them down to get the feel of what I felt, if not completely the same as at the moment but still an attempt.

The other day it was quite foggy and her dad had to drop her at school and she began dancing around and singing

Fog Fog go way
My Daddy needs to find the way
Sreya needs to go to school
'cos it makes her feel really cool...

God!!! hardly a year and a half and she is talking, walking, singing English... kids!!!

May 23, 2014

spending, working, traveling...

This year, particularly after coming to Stamford, had been moving too much to friends places and not actually staying at our house, while it is good to meet family once in a while, it is getting too costly and taxing..

I should be putting an end to being on the move, focus more on the kid, sticking around with her, doing the activities that will make her a better individual, spend more time with each other before she goes in to the big world of studies, friends, activities and a whole lot of them...

i am not working, and kind of started loving the parasite living where I do not want to worry about bringing home the butter.. earlier there was this pain asking OA to take anything for my personal needs, it was so painful, but now i do not really feel anything as such spending the money and that is what I think is the most dangerous thing.. in this phase, I lose track of what I spend, how much I spend, is there a need, where should i stop and of course valuing someone's hardearned stuff...

i am becoming everything that I hated at some point, want to come out of it and trying to but then sinking back in... not yet another promise to myself which i dont wont and cant fulfill, just a reminder to see if there is this person who I used to be still in me...

Too Little Too Late - Victoria Christopher Murray

I am not into too much reading these days and am not picking books by browsing in the library, I go to the book discussion picks in the library and get a few of them and go over them and of course a DS :p to go with it :), maybe i should pay more attention at least reading what it is it before i get it to read and then force myself to read.

I have never really tried religious fiction any time and I have not really checked out that it is an African-Amercian Christian Fiction when I picked it up...It took all my will power to get to read and complete this book, the slow pace, a jealous wife who is a perpetual liar, who keeps secrets from a holier than Thou husband who believes in the power of prayer and god of relationships and secrets, of impulses and control or the lack of it,  working on a troubled marriage and all that...

I could not totally relate to it, neither understand it nor will I get back to reading any such... some emotions, feelings that i cannot relate to to, do not agree with...

The Klone and I - Danielle Steele

Yet another DS BS that I picked up from the library... I make it a point to get one of hers each time, I think it is my comfort read or whatever, pick it up, read the expected turns, the final outcome but for the first time I was actually confused about one of DS books.. A lady coming out of break up finds an irresistible guy who makes her feel good after the crappy life she had with her ex and then puts her in a soup when he sends his replica/clone to keep her engaged...!!!! and the lady is split as to what she really wants and how much she can really take... if you think the routine DS is beaten to death storyline over and over and over again, this is just a twist to the same stuff...

chadiveppudu okay but chadivinaaka rakarakaalugaa anipistundi as usual :-p

May 17, 2014

My double standards

Kandaki leni durada kattipeetaki typelo undi naa pani, nenu Indialo lenu eppudeltaano teliyadu, ellinaa TG/APlo untaano ledo teliyadu, am here for greener pastures, want to stay here badly, visa, extensions, GC and ultimately citizenship idi naa major concern, adi marchipoyi naaku any other gola avasaramaa

Naaku intlone major opposition untadi from OA, CBN toti evarainaina poliste adi tanaki bootu, naaku adi pogadta, but we are both happy teasing each other, akkada andaru leaders happy, each other's family friends, lights camera action laaga mike munduku vaste kaaru kootalu, switch off kaangane personal calls... inka manaki enduku chinta.. nobody is getting anybody wrong, it is a free flow of emotions which we get under control in a day or 2... manaki aallevaru ayya chuttamoo kaadu, amma chutaamoo kaadu..

Intaki ee gnaanodayaaniki reason enti ante I should learn to control and not impact Sreya in future with my personal judgments and comments...chinna mindlo impressions enta bhayamkaramgaa padatayi anataaniki nenu practical example. Calling myself a global citizen, I some times wonder at my small, cheap thinking! What people did in the past anedi I have not seen, I am not a believer in history, in fact it is to me nothing less than figments of someone's really fertile imagination, writers being 2 people the rulers/dictators or sufferers/underdogs where one never gets a clear picture about the feelings of a neutral common man who just wants to go about his life. I have not been in those times. Naaku telisina nenu choosindi, agitations moolaana chaduvu paadavatam, day to day lifeki ibbandi, and some really funny allegations, through which I make some impressions along with what had been drilled down through the elders around me, club it and make a bhootam in my mind and critcize others at any given opportunity... what is it giving me, a moment of excitement, aggressive passion, and then nothing really changes.. what I look at is a bright future for my own daughter and since we are social beings I want her to be in a happy society, everything boils down to I, me, myself... adi Indialo puttindi, ikkada penchutunnaanu and ikkade unchaali anukuntunna, so no point feeding her my half-baked knowledge and facts even subconsciously through discussing stuff... a very strong resolution!!! and it hurts me to see how we can carry on negative feelings so strong that it creates unrest in a peaceful existence, I dont want it to happen to the kids at least.

I have been a victim of thoughts like egurutunnaaru vidipotaaru anta, ponee malle legichi choostaam vaallu elaago addagolu aipotaaru konni rojullo.  Look back at that thought process with a sane mind, how ridiculous the thinking is... Andhrollaki adhikaara daaham, telangaanollaki kaalmokkutaa banchen anatam alavaatu, what the hell, manishi ekkadaina okkate, biddalandariki naalugu vellu notloki vellaayaa, kantiki nidra, ontiki gudda, nettina needa unnaayaa ledaa... edo maayadaari dabbu jabbu patti illu meeda illu, polam meeda sthalam meeda polam meeda sthalam koni daachukodam tappa aakhariki migiledenti aaradugula goyya ledante ara chembudu boodida, deeniki inta garvam ahankaaram, kopam, teevrata avasaramaa... pakkodini choosi navvite mutyaalu raalipotaayemo anenta hadavudi bratukullo, time teesukuni okarini okaru dveshinchukotam avasaramaa... ekkado kullu kadigeyyaali ani vaadinchenenu naaloni kulluni kadagalenaa mundu...

May 15, 2014


okappudu manasulo edo cheyyaalani tapana, manishigaa puttinanduku mana baadhyata manam nirvartinchaali ane oka korika, bratakadam kaadu jeevinchaali anukshanam ane balamaina nammakam... ivanni kalipite nenu, ivi leni naadu naaku astitvam ledu anukunedaanni.  Ippudu edo teliyani nissaaram, poddunna legiste, avakaasam dorikite laptop, cinemalu, serials... enduku??  kaaranam alochinchaali ante kooda medaduki padunu pettaali adi kooda naaku ishtam ledu mari..

oka pandanti bidda, oka kotta chiguru, nenu oopiri posi, netturu panchi kanna pasidi... daanni penchi pedda cheyyaali anna badhyata, jeevitam alaa sukhamgaa saagipoka enduku ee vairaagyam, emi pattani niraasaktata??

manasuki nilakada ledu.. nijamlo bratakadam ishtam ledu, pettukuntene kadaa pegu bandhamaina inke bandhamaina, alochiste teerani samasyala sudigundamlo irukkupovadam avasaramaa??  aa tera meeda kanipinche bommala kadhalu, vaari jeevitaalu, aa kalpanallo bratikeste sagam godavalundavu kada?  nenilaa kooda alochistaana, alochinche ee saalegootlo chikkukunnaana, chikkukunnaaka ee kaaranaalu antarjaalapu maaya jaalam mingesedaaka enduku tecchukunnaanu.. evari meeda ee kasi, kopam.

soonyamloki choostoo, anavasara vishayaala gurinchi alochistoo, avasaram aina panulu munduku jaripestoo, alaa alaa alaa rojantaa gadipestoo... idi nenenaa??

 addamlo moham choosukunte evaro gurtu teliyananni maarpulo ontlo roju rojuki perigipotunna kovvu nilavalu, vaatini choosi moham chitlinchukuni, naalika tippesukuni aa astamaanoo addam mundare untaamenti, choosevaadi kharma, manaki kanipinchadugaa anesukuni sardukupovadam...jeevitamlo chinna chinna vishayaallo aanandam vetukkune nenu kevalam tindilo aatmasantosham pondadam, vidhi vaipareetyama naa paityamaa... enta tinnaa inkonchem tinaalemo ani benga, endulo ekkuva kovvu unte adi m aatrame jihvaki atyabtudamgaa undatam, deenikantatiki muddugaa "depression" ani peru pettukuni, naa meeda nene jaalipadesi inkonchem tinesi, inkaasini cinemaalu choosi tongodam...idi kooda nenena??

pustakam chaduvutoo prapanchaanni marchipoye nenenaa, adi pakkanunnaa choosi choodanattundatam, chadavatam modalu pettagaane, abbo tv aite pani chesukuntoo chooducche ee pustakam valla kaadabba ani moolana padeyyadam... paatalu vintu gaallo telipotoo, aa sangeetam manasuni doodipinjelaa maarustoo, aa saahityam manasuki prasaantata kalpistoo unte sarvam marchipoyi prakrutilo leenam aipovadam... alaa chesi ennaallayyindoo...

manushulato maatladatam, vividha praantaala, bhashala vaallu, vaari vaari jeevana sravanthilo telutunte choostoo asvaadinchadam, oka jana pravaahamlo anaamikalaa andarini choostu, parisaraalanu gamanistoo, nannu nenu marchipoyi, vaari santoshamlo aanandam, vaari vichaaramlo baadha rakarakaala anubhootulu kalabosukuntoo unde nenenaa eppudu vacchinavaadu pote naa maanaana nenu naa lokamlo undocchu anukuntondi..

pasi biddala bosi navvulu, vaari chinnari chetulu, chitti potti baatalu, maatalu, veetini minchina aanandam swargam kaani marokati undedaa asalu, marippudu, kaneesam aa chirunavvulu choodataaniki okka kshanam kooda aagatlede??

manasuna manasai todorokarundina ade bhaagyamu ani enno kalalu kantoo, avi taarumaaraite tiragabadi maree jeevitamlo astitvaanni nilupukunna nenenaa ee roju anni baagunnaa edo asantruptilo kottumittadutondi...uvvettuna leche kerataaniki edurelle manastatvam alaa stabdamgaa enduku maaripoyindi??

chuttupakkala chinna vayasulone cancer bhaarina padi praanalu kolpeyevaallu, daanito poraade endarendarino choostoo, inkaa arogyam subbaramgaa undi kooda enduku ee niraasa nispruhalu...

poraadi poraadi alisipoyina manasuki sareeraaniki visraantiniste tirigi punjukovaali kaani ilaa maree deela padipotonde... potta kootiki pani chesukuntoo, rekkaadite kaani dokkaadani rojulu maaraayi ani santoshinchaalo, panilo, krushilo unde amrutaanandaanni kolpoyinanduku dukkhinchaalo artham kaavatledem??

satosham, kopam, dukkham, enduku eppudostaayo teliyadam lede?

when I look at myself and say I am a survivor.. what is the use of survival in life without a purpose or a reason...

antaraantaraallo, ekkado gunde porallo enno alochanalu, prasnalu, edo raayaali, edo cheyyaali... ee moduvaarutunna jeevitaaniki oka paramaardham kanukkovaali... aa raayi, rappa, nenu anni okate, ave merugu nenendu tindi dandaga ane alochana sarali ninchi bayataki raavaali... edokati cheyyaali... entadi?? evaro chepte chesedi kaadu, ilaage manasu porallonchi raavaali... aluperugani alochanalani cheelchukuni daari kanipistundi okanaatiki... aasa undi, swasa undi, astramundi, sastramundi.... eppudu oppukovadduraa otami ani nidralepe Sirivennala saahityamundi...

maaraali, maarataanu, maari choopistaanu, evariko kaadu... naake!! There is nothing really left to prove to anyone other than myself...

May 14, 2014

Please Look After Mom - Kyung-Sook Shin

This is one of the most heart-touching reads that I had in a long long long long long time.  Some thing which kept reminding me of life of my grandmother, something which I had wanted to write for a long time, a contemporary look at what would she have done during my times, what would I have done in hers and quite a lot of feelings.  It stirred so many emotions.

The author brings out the emotions perfectly, just about the right portions to pull your heart strings.  It is the tale of the children and husband of a woman who gets lost at a railway station in a crowd and could not be found.  Things they discover about the woman, how they realize that they do not know a thing about the person who knew every single about them, who sacrificed for them, who looked after them all the while, the stranger she had been to her own family...

extremely powerful narration...

May 10, 2014

Mothers Day

I have a confession to make on mother's, I am not being modest or a self-critic, the truth is I have been a very negligent mom, not up to the mark and this no one has to judge but I know from deep within... and what better day than the MD to start mending the current state of things..

Happy Mothers Day

The Political Wait

With the bifurcated state, it becomes extremely crucial that the first 10 yrs. when there are major reforms, changes, new things that are going to be put in place, a proper govt. holds fort.  In this situation, only LSP can do complete justice is what I personally feel but since that is a most remotest possibility the next best is CBN, who i really really admire to take the reigns but looking at the money and muscle used, it is scary to think of the alternative option!!

but come to think of it again 80% of people coming out on streets to vote means that people want a change, stability... while there are a lot of doubts, there is still a hope... waiting for 16th!

Apr 18, 2014

Amma - Reposted

What is it that matters to me the most.. what do I feel like putting on the paper when I actually start to think about life in general and my life in particular... Of course, Amma... how sweet is that one word in this whole universe.. one of the first few words that we learn in the initial stages of life, the one that sees us through all the troubles, and the one and only one unconditional bond that one has with another individual. This unique person is usually the biological mother of the individual but for me, it is my granny the greatest.

My life begins and pauses with her.... yeah, paused, right now it is.... I feel like I am uprooted, the pain is unbearable, so difficult to bear that everything else seems to be a void.

Amma, what do I have to say about her.. she is simply the best.

Summarizing her life, she is not anyone so great to get a mention in the annals of the human history but she sure has been the best human being possible, catering to the needs of people around her, bearing everything with a sweet smile and undying belief, keeping the family together in the most turbulent times. If I actually want to honor her memory, how do I actually do that... just be like her, maybe. Take things in my stride and bear everything with a grin (Ughhhh... that is not me!!!!!!). Maybe I can imbibe her principles in my life and just face it as bravely as she did but in my very own way... well this seems okay!!! I promise you amma, I will try to be a good human being if not the best!!! If I succeed even to a little extent that would be an ode for you..

Born in a family of 4 brothers, youngest, you had been the apple of their eyes... but not for long, come 15, you were married to grandpa (the great gambler!!!) and there began your unending struggle... thrown into some very different world, playboy hubby (phew.. difficult to think of taatee like that, but playboy he was... movies, girlfriends, cards, smoke.. what not!!!), 5 kids again, one daughter and 4 sons. It is really scary how you even managed, the taunts of the sisters-in-law, an unruly husband, and bunch of children with their futures at stake. Hats off amma!! you pulled it off extremely well.. look at where they are now, the values you have given them have taken them a long way.. and not to forget me, you brought me up, gave me a desire to live, never ever made me feel I am disabled or that I cant do this or that. You made me self-reliant. All this sensible, caring, concerned, or whatever adjectives that people tag me with are because of you. How can I ever stop thanking you for making me what I am.

You always had something to teach me, even with your death, you taught me a lot of lessons... to never lose my cool.. You were there on your deathbed and I did not realize you were just moving away, to some place where I would never ever see you again.. I was fighting my own battles, trying to figure out what to do after you come home and not be with you, stay with you and feel that pain with you... I just saw you take your last breath. Standing there helpless was the worst moment of my life, I could have given anything, even my own life, to keep you with me given a chance. Feeling that lifeless form of yours in my hands is the worst sensation. How could I ever forgive myself for not staying with you in the hospital.. I tried amma, nobody let me... why did you just slip like water out of my fist.. I miss you amma.. I feel lost in this big mad mad world.

My life always revolved around you, nothing else mattered, so secure, so coccooned, I knew you were there and I just needed to look back and find you next to me, leading me at times and guiding me forevever. One phone call and that voice still rings in my ears... that very comforting tone. There are days when I see that entry Amma in my mobile and long to listen to your voice.. every time i see your smiling photo on my desk top.. I just feel like you are next to me with that impish grin, turn around and see nothing but void.

Hmmm... this is the first time ever I am trying to write about you after your departure.. It is very comforting to know that you are there around me in spirit but my heart just refuses to move on.. people keep asking me how many times do you remember her in a day.. remember!!!! do I ever forget you... you are in everything I do, everything I see, everything I hear... Some people and certain things keep me from falling into those blues time and again but unless I pull my own strings nothing is going to help.. amma gimme the courage to move on... Just be there amma.... help me, as always, to move on.

PS:  Moved from my other blog.

Mar 14, 2014

PK and politics

Up until this point, there was question, curiosity, now I kind of fell in line with his thinking and then there goes that initial resistance of what the hell has he to say

Nirbhaya chattam - the incident he met Swapnika, " I still remember the incident, it was the time when I was carrying Sreya and knew it was going to be a girl and completely distraught at having a girl baby... Her request to PK, well quite a lot of similar feelings... "I don't think he is lying".

Killing the guy who poured acid was killed, then speaking about Vigilante justice.. THIS IS THE POINT THAT HAS NOT COME TO MY MIND, BUT THINKING BEYOND NORMAL IS A SIGN OF OUT OF ORDINARY...

Nalgonda Flourosis -

Naani Paalkivala - BJP, again someone I had looked up to... PK, is well-read.

bhaavam mukhyamaa, bhaasha mukhyamaa... - man this guy is getting to be unstoppable.

well, I no longer look at his speech critically... it is just a part of anger, anguish, that has been happening to us for while, so many questions, so many thoughts and it is just coming out of his mouth, so i listen and the critic in me rests...

just going with the flow... this guy is awesome, to have so many people across the globe just waiting for him to talk, just hope this flow sustains and something good comes out.

Tactical silence on JP or Loksatta or his invite and even CBN or TDP but being open to joining hands to take out congress roots from AP, still sticking to his brother and giving a clear sign, while he is anti-congress, he wont tolerate nonsense on him.

The message is clear.. no JUMPERS OR JOKERS... it has not been a party that cropped up just now, I know what has happened, what will happen and what should happen, so BEWARE...

What is to be made of from my limited knowledge and analysis is he is willing to fight a bigger evil "congress" the primary task for now with the support of any and every party and any which means it might take and then taking it from there, eliminating the junk, filtering it further as it comes... or that is what he leads us to believe at this point. He realizes he cannot bring a change immediately and trying to do it in his own street smart way, commendable!

He just gave the first glimpse of what he wants it to be like, modifying it as he goes but involving people almost right from the inception... seems fair enough... what he primarily did is giving a voice to the thoughts of many on a forum only a rare few like him can bring it out loud without fear... an attempt that needs to praised and hoped for not be diluted or fizzed out.

sounds too damn good, seems to fight the bigger evil first joining whatever it takes and THEN work it out his way... way too good.

Good luck PK and most importantly Good luck AP.  He might or might not contest but he has got an impact on people to look for his endorsement to vote for a candidate irrespective of the party he supports and by and large, it might be TDP for this time with a thumping majority.

A historic milestone in AP politics - Launch of Jana Sena

Same anticipation and uncontrolled craze with a hell a lot of expectations and tension in air around August before 2009 elections waiting for chiru's jenda, agenda and what not... and a few months before the 2014 election, the younger brother creates the same confusion, if anything only more putting his personal life in the mix.

Waiting for him to talk the talk and see him start the walk to walk the political grounds... not at all excited but immensely CURIOUS!

As I listen to him talk, this is what comes to my mind... want to keep a journal of what I feel, felt at this moment..

Illemo dooram... chetilo deepam ledu, gundelaninda dhairyam undi... dhairyam oopiri... Tilak poem.


To live greatly, you have to risk greatly.

Speaking his heart and mind!

Baanisani kaadu kaabatti... Doraa nee kaalmoktaa (Direct hit to Chiru) Time for truth... exactly 5 years ago, Chiru partylo.. annayyaki edurostaana, annayya meeda kopam vastundaa raadu... vaallevaro delhilo chesina paniki annayya meeda enduku kopam choopistaam.. kaakapote mana kharma, anyaayiniki, akramaalaki nenu edureldaam ante ee roju nenu annayyaki... paristiti kalpinchindi evaru??

Cong High Command... (BASELESS).. he isn't a kid.

Chaala tucchamainavi??  abhimaanam mundu prema mundu nilustaaya... NOPE..

visugocchindi, asahyam vesindi, vennumaka leni vaalla meeda kopam vacchindi... nirdishtamaina alochina vidhaanam toti, Sudeerghamaina lakshyam toti.. 25 years - Jana Sena..

2nd - choostam, bharistaam, premistaam.. taravaata emi chestaam????
ippudocchi emi chestaav
2019ki raa
poyina saari chesinavi chaalu ellellu
party pettu kaani telangana cheppu -- meerevaru??? (IDI KEVVU)

noble soul, pavitraatma, Diggy Raja... PK nuvvu party pettamma, but elli congresslo kalipeyyi :-p.. adedo gangaa nadilaaga...

nenneeku elaa kanipistunnaanu -- MEE ANNALAAGA..

kcr.. andhrodi kotta dukaanam -- GOOD ANSWER.

pirikitanam teliyadu, vennu choopanu - LET US SEE!

nenevariki eduru eltunnaanu.. annayyaka, akrama raajakeeyaanikaa... DILEMMA..

intlo evariki teliyadu... CAULIFLOWERS KANIPISTUNNAAYAA?

Personal life - 3 kids..Convenient politics, threat to death.. desamaa, samaajam... kutumbam chinnadi... IDEALLY SPEAKING, GOOD.

fought with Trivikram - one friend who stood behind me

about CPF (common man protection force) - it is Janasena.... a friend, raju ravi teja, a 5-year thought process with the friend on various issues..

The inciting event... put in jail for going in one-way.. felt the pain of a common man... triggered an interest in people and the society, the something inside and something outside mentality, eve teasing for ladies in the family, the feelings intensified..

Telangana cheritra.. kottagaa premocchi chadavaledu kontamandi laaga... (COMPLETELY KEVVU)

evolution as a rebel, trying out various things... GOOD FLOW OF SPEECH, HEARTFELT.

Experimenting with self even if when he amassed wealth, would he still be able to question the same way..??  YES...

pogottokodaaniki kotlu undi, parapati undi, pillala gurinchi teliyadu.. but am ready to leave it all.


Venkaiah Naidu - IT COULD HAVE BEEN ME SPEAKING THERE, MY HEART OUT... Fell for this line..

Jagga Reddy - good brotherhood spirit

Ch. Hanumanta Rao - moodu moodu pellilulu... Rahul Gandhi okka pelli kooda chesukolaa ... MALLI ESESESAADU :-p... kevvu kevvu kevvu...

Vyaktigata vimarsalu - WARNING... good.. by now my hands are hurting with the CLAPS and SCREAMS.. unfortunately cant whistle.

naa jeevitamlo etuvanti paristutullo chesukunnano naaku telusu...maanasika atyaa chaaram meeda nirbhaya chattam pettaali... VINNAPAM KOODA WARNING TYPLE UNDI... everything about this truly accepted.

KCR, daughter Kavitha "nuvvu, PK, oka bharata desa pauridigaa neeku party pette hakku undi" - nenu preminche telangana prajalaki, abhimaanulaki, cheppaala vaddaa maa vyaktigata vishayam.. amma nee kutumbaaniki kooda sambandham ledamma... idi kevvu.

questioning about money, questions about funds...please reply to that not to me but to Telangana leaders.. nannu titte pani pettukoku, repu ninchi mee intlo andaru tidataaru, meeru dabbuki account choopinche panilo undandi..

malli kevvu...

nannu titinaa, naa gurinchi elaanti vaartalu raasina, vyaktigatamgaa, vrutiparamgaa enni chesinaa... HE HAS GOT THE PULSE OF PEOPLE OR AT LEAST ME...

PEOPLE STILL FEEL IT IS TRIVIKRAM MARK SPEECH.. it might as well have had touches by RGV, that is  what I personally feel.

Mar 12, 2014

Movie Post

Shaadi Ke Side Effects - A good attempt, great acting by Farhan Akhtar and for some reason I am feeling bored of watching Vidya doing the same thing again and again and yet again...must say a disappointment

Heart Attack - A puri movie and maybe a hat-trick to Nitin if this one clicked... kissing a girl for an hour without any commitment expected, the hero has the guts to ask and the herione accepts putting another crazy condition and over all the total story is a complete time waste and total FastForward type of movie if you MUST watch it :).

Pizza II Villa - I liked it, based on the witch-craft theme and the supernatural element, good taking, some good performance and a small movie.. like!

Straight A's - A netflix pick, good watch.. when the brat of the family returns for his redemption, in the quest of his own ends, he sets things going haywire in his brother's family... 

Cutting For Stone - Abraham Verghese

A friend of mine happened to tell me about this book, that is the one to be discussed and encouraged me to read it with her..

Just loved the intricate story of love, passion, life, death, fears intermixed with religion, heist, politics, medicine, life in India, US, Ethiopia and things in general well woven..

Initial takeoff was a bit shaky for me but in all it is a wonderful tale of well captured and portrayed emotions..

An Indian nun, trained to be a nurse, shipped off to Africa to help the needy with her services along with a friend Anjali who dies of seasickness even before they reach the destination.  She meets a young doctor, nurses him out of his sickness and they both help the fellow passengers who get seasick.  By twist of fate, the doctor suggests that she join him in his hospital at "Mi Shun" hospital which gets to be called Missing by local people.  At first she declines but ends up at Missing where she serves for 7 years before she dies giving birth to twins.  How the twins are raised and how one of them ends up finding the story of his mother while the other ends up dead is the whole story.. lots of emotions well captured, too many angles dealt without any cluttering.. the big is huge but one does not really feel so...

one of the good reads.

Mar 10, 2014

Quirky is back :)

The crazy me is always dormant inspite of the sober, serious, sensible, sensitive masked me... lying around in house with body aches, no matter how much rest I took it just got worse and then quirky me gets up cleans up the house, vacuums, does dishes, cooks some spicy crunchy veg fritters and then feel a little better.  Hmmm... not just my mind, the body works crazily too :-p.

and the latest one being... just finished a cold water bath in 3 degrees centigrade weather outside.  Thanks to the apartment controlled heating system, the house gets heated up beyond what is needed and bathroom being the tiniest room with the same amount of heat circulated feels like sauna.. so inspite of the recuperating cough, sore throat, ear pain whatever, i feel a lot better with the cold water bath and back to reading a book peacefully after the happy kid snores..

and again, by mistake OA picked up both the audio and paper back version of Cutting for Stone, my current read.  While I began listening to it while doing the chores, I ended up reading it.  No matter what the feel of having the book in hand is irreplaceable for me...

the queen of quirks  rests... errr.. reads hitting snooze button to the oncoming sleep..

Pawan Party???

A few years ago, around early 2008, the rumors were rife about chiru's political entry with strong denials from his side, too many speculations by media, common man and everyone.. with one "saamaajika vargam" extremely happy for getting an identity which they felt was curbed by the other two reigning "castes".  If someone is as blind, deaf and mute to refute this opinion, then I would be glad to agree to disagree...

Finally amidst of much drama and hype, on August 26, 2008, chiru sir floated a party.  Seemed most promising, the manifesto, the popularity point of view, the star charisma, the groundwork by fans, etc., power packed campaigned by PK, all it did was split the vote bank, make a minor dent against all the bragging about wiping out records, making history, blah..blah..blaah...! and then a major dud when they decided to get back to Congress leaving people cheated... a major flop show!!!

and just about the time and around the corner for the next elections, the younger brother PK's new party rumors are so ripe and again the primary question concern is "if it is the intention to come into politics why float a different party and why not help a preset, predefined, best platform like Loksatta when there is an open invite from the chief himself???  On that note, I felt that JP's asking him to take over the reigns of the party is a bit too much but as an afterthought I appreciate his farsightedness and am loving the fact that JP is finally being proactive and roaring the way I expected him to perform since 2009.

Getting back to PK...No, I dont support his new party and it has got nothing to do with his 3rd marriage or whatever the latest count is or is going to be (purely personal) as long as all the parties are satisfied and no issues other than the foul-play crying by media and the political voyeurs or his association with his brother during PRP days and his silence thereafter which irked many.. it is just that I dont see the need for another party confusing people when the time now calls for STATE reorganization and working together for generations to come to lead a life of stability unlike the past 60 years or so, troubled togetherness which again might raise its ugly hood between seema and andhra regions or whatever...

let us wait and watch... so eagerly waiting for 14th or further announcement !!!

Mar 6, 2014

Down and out

The sick phase at home begins, the kid's wicket down as usual and then followed by me and then the late but latest entry OA who will invariably will be sicker than both of us put together but never stopping the claims about his "iron body" :-p and golden will whatever...

must agree that kid is an excellent patient, listens to her body, adjusts a lot, understands the consequences and behaves accordingly be it eating, drinking or taking meds.. touchwood.  The tough phase is when she begins to recuperate and I go down.. bwaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh... those energy reserves inversely proportional to mine just make the equation all the more tough... but before I complain too much she has been at her best at this point too, maybe I am craving for more rest and peace than deserved or taking the kid for granted too much and as the OA points out me being the worst patient is not making things better either... all woes put aside, I happened to watch a video of UD singing at a family get together and that brought back all the haunting memories making me feel worse than usual, digging up stuff, re-reading and thinking about the past.  One thought does not end there, jumps on to another and then another and to an unrelated topic totally, so in all a khichdi day :(...

the best point of it all is the way the kid is braving out her severe cough and being all too cool about it without making fuss... God bless kiddo, did I ever say or did I ever stop saying that you are the bestestest thing that ever happened to us.

i know i am blabbering but isnt that what I keep doing these days anyways.

Feb 21, 2014

Boiling, seething...

I just happened to watch a Live telecast on NTV, an interview with JP and the blood boils, the psycho anchor, Kommineni Srinivas Rao or whatever, to me kind of represented the face of current day media and senseless herd mentality people.  I cannot suffer fools or tolerate for long, hats off to the 2 guests who bore the torture in the early hours of the day, i actually pity them both.

 If I were to list out one person whom I could entrust to my daughter's future blindly other than OA, it would be JP but if I  were to choose a leader in this current day scenario, I would have been hesitant, rather had been hesitant to pick him.  I still feel CBN can rule with an iron fist than JP but then maybe I am wrong and he would prove me wrong and to be honest deep down, I would like it to happen.  He had been the true whistle blower, a solution provider and a positive progress oriented thinker who is the true well wisher of both the regions who is abused by both the regions equally.

Mahatma Gandhi, no I have not seen  him in person and thanks to the media and internet and questionable historians I have my own doubts about the credibility of his intentions and his political nepotism and of course the subsequent Gandhis have all added much more muck to that surname.. again, I digress... to be back no track, if there is one person whom I call a true fighter and a survivor and an individual who is the best humanly possible virtue personified it is just JP.

I am sometimes unreasonably expecting something from this lone warrior, curse him for being diplomatic and not going all out to catch the throats of the wrong does but he always is/has/will be what he promises to be... a whistle blower in the society.  If I doubt him, it is my shortcoming of heavy expectations  but not his, he had been doing his duty irrespective of what millions like me feels, say, do.

I can just bark for a while in the social forum but be quiet... but he barks and even bites when  there is a need.

In my dreams I would want CBN the administrator working/putting JP's plans in implementation under a highly dedicated, educated, service oriented, non-criminal, able-bodied and minded political enthusiasts who actually want to make a change and see the difference.

For Evil Eyes on LO