There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Aug 20, 2017

The beginning, the doubts, the lets do it phase

A few years ago when we began the journey of life together as a couple, me and the OA had decided that India is where we will have our kids and if it were to be a girl, we will raise her back here. It felt very patriotic and a great thing to do to come back to homeland giving up the opportunity to stay and settle abroad. Reality sinks in and the so-called maturity kicks in at some point later on when you realize the values, the traditions, the culture that you are dreaming about is only in your dreams and it is not much difference east or west.

With heavy hearts and very light purses, after 5 years of marriage, we go back with a 3-year-old to the land of opportunities to begin the life all over again on a new slate both relationship wise and financially. Turns out the decision has been really good, our personal equation and the feeling of a family, togetherness and the nest became complete, everything felt better. Ta-da it would have been a happily ever after if it were to be a fairy tale but then this is life and man proposes and God disposes :).

OA suddenly develops cold feet and decides working in software is something that he is not really interested in and US after all is not the destination. Yours truly beginning to enjoy the bliss of being a parasite (not earning and dependent on the OA) and being able to do what I wanted to without the pressure of bringing the bread to table, a.k.a. volunteer and just laze around, is shocked, depressed, in short hates moving back.

The reasons are plenty and more, the known fear of too much of interference from my family (mom), relatives poking nose into everything, the fear of unknown (inlaws), the practicality of it all given that the OA wants to quit working completely and slowly decide what to do next or even if he wants to do anything at all (uncertain phase), the kid's future, our financial position, our respective dysfunctional families, our quintessentially nonexistent support system and a whole lot of things. It took me a lot of time to come to terms, my own fears about what next, what would be the impact on the family in every which way, etc.

The stress levels so enormous that the body starts showing physical symptoms, after running around from pillar to post, there comes a call that it could be a brain tumor (seriously, how can one say that over the phone) and they need some tests to see if it is cancerous, the usual scheduling delays and everything else compounded the stressors.. The hyperactive, bolly, tolly, kolly, holly all wood watching brain does all the imagination and the symptoms gets worser and worst. That scare shook our entire family and the decision was put to halt. After further more running around, it is decided that these are the most benign prolactinoma, very slow growing and most common and at times need not even need treatment, which is a huge relief but what went through our minds during that phase is inexplicable. Keeping the kid in the loop as to why I was sick and stuck to bed all the time, why I did not want to do anything and why I just wanted to give up (tooooooooooooooo dramatic), addressing her fears, it was heart breaking to see her getting scared as more and more tests happened without conclusion and the day the result came, it was like a new lease of life and it in deed is.

That phase made me realize what a bad shape we were in in terms of relatives and relations, there was not a single soul I could trust in my immediate family other than OA, friends were everything and had become our family over time but the child had no one to turn to in her bloodline if something were to happen to both of us.. To me, that was the starting point, to mend it, to make her strong and settle the stuff out here and come back to the homeland. Thereafter decision was simpler, it seemed the only way out and no more resistance from my end. The more I thought, the more it seemed right. It was like all the pieces of the puzzle suddenly came together. From a forced, no other option, It was a wholehearted decision from then on.

All the things I had ignored earlier for the so-called undisturbed life out there away from relatives began to surface, one prominent one being the "sense of belonging", that nagging feeling of okay we own up US, the life there, the people culture everything but will the locals ever accept us as one of their own.  With my increased interactions with people from various walks of life during my experiences as a volunteer and otherwise, there is almost always the undercurrent of being an outsider.  While people now blame Trump for increased racism, I strongly feel he just voiced the opinion of majority and that is how he connected to them and won.  It is definitely not as bad as media projected out here but out there are no matter how much you try to mix up, we are still the browns in blacks and whites and will always be an outsider period.  This is relatively easier for us to handle as adults but the kid is it the right age to understand overcome such feelings.

One striking incident that kept nagging me once in a while was one of the kid's friends was crying to take Indian food in her lunch and the kid very casually said yeah some little kids make fun of us every single day, make faces at the table, make hurtful comments, we should just learn to ignore.. if our food is yucky, theirs is yuckier, their food stinks much more than ours so if they comment give it back.  I was happy the kid felt that and not only was she handling life outside but she was confident enough to help out her friends to be confident.  I kept hearing these stories and saw a lot to know, these things exist, not just to Indians everyone else.  The kids following their parents, show these feelings as they cant hide them like adults do.   This incident got me thinking, so this and many more that I saw as a volunteer, nothing serious, all trivial, will these kids ever grow to be confident growing up under so much ridicule, is it just this school where the school climate is bad.. but heart of hearts, we know but want to make them tough and face it right from beginning.  Is US the only place where bullying happens, nope it happens every where, much more so here in the name of ragging and all that..

While I completely appreciate the concept of diversity and global exposure, I begin to think the sense of belonging is very much important for an individual to grow up with confidence, to face the world.. This might seem silly at some point later on in life.. but for now, everything aside, heading back home is not as scary as it seemed.   Life is good in a foreign land until the time we are in good health with a good credit record and no legal hassles.  By the end of 2 years, I not only come to terms with the choice but also looked forward to it.

Jul 27, 2017

The decision, the move and beyond

Life is full of things unpredictable.  Nothing really works per plan and like the saying man proposes and God disposes.. things do happen which we have no control over.. when we moved back to US after a stint in India, we had seen a lot to decide that east or west, influences are everywhere and there is nothing like culture, tradition, comfort whatever (all in the mind), reality is way different than expectation and set about exploring that part of the world where things seemed lucrative financially and also emotionally where for the time being we are away from the various influences which may or may not have caused rifts in our then trying to come together for the kid kind of a relation.

Years pass, things go good on the personal front and we bond as a family.. 1st time after 5 years of married life, we begin to build a life that we wanted for us and the child and we have a home that we wanted to... the nest was rebuilt.  It is a small beautiful world of 3, life got from boring to exciting to boring to depressing to normal to exciting as expected over the years and then something happens on the job front and we are left with a choice whether to move on with a new job or just go back to the homeland and restart our life.  After a lot of ifs and buts and I cant, I might not be able to and all those thoughts about his job, we decide to take the plunge move back...

This time it is nothing against the life there or here.. of late, being there with the child, working closely with the system and the people, I understand that it is the same everywhere, racism I might want to scream at the top of my lungs exists in the west, but the fact is it exists everywhere, including my homeland where co-humans are assessed, gauged and treated as per their social, political, economic standards.. so nope, it could be one of the reasons (sense of belonging), it is majority the inability to stay back longer than anything else that played a part in the decision.

From my end, it was resistance scared about influences from both of our families, forceful interfering from both sets of parents/relatives was the primary concern... but eventually the more I thought about it, the better it seemed.. being in an alien land, surrounded by fear and no sense of actual freedom, I crave to go back and brave it all.

If the decision to move back and not work in the software anymore and live in a remote village was his, I took the onus of finding a place to live.  To go was his choice and where to was mine.  We narrow down on a village in krishna dt. as it is was better for kids education and then took it from there..

Schooling the major concern..  We had a few constraints,
we did not want to go for a hi-fi, all a/c, rich kid kind of school where I personally felt the kid loses touch with ground reality, so international schools were ruled out.
 Then the grinding schools - rote and more rote kind of schools like Chaitanya, Narayana, Bhashyam or whatever are tossed out because I hate that drill where it is just memorizing and replicating without a life except books..
The government schools were a big no no because of the crowd and other personal concerns.
The hunt went on for a couple of years, over the internet, asking friends, reading looking for a school tailored to our needs... then we hear about Vikasa Vidya Vanam and the more I know about it, the better and comfortable I feel.. the hurdles were our mental block about the medium of instruction being Telugu but then since the kid did exceptionally well in terms of English(Touchwood) we decided to take that as it is teaching in Telugu only up to 4th grade and complete switchover to english later on.. So, there it is.. VVV our school.  The hurdle was they did not allow us to bring the kid over in December when the OA finishes his project deadline, so I had to move in June so as not to disrupt her school year and also be able to retain the seat that was there for her..

The hurdles that we had, the questions we had to face before we did actually take the plunge is the point of another post.. but this is our point of view, our decision and our choice of life that we wanted to test, and here I am with a child who has not stepped in India in over 5 years with absolutely no family bonds or relations thank to unsocial nature of our parents, against all odds and living with people who think we are crazy to leave the land of opportunities and come to a school which does not force education, leaves the kids to play in sand and dust, instructs in mother tongue and many more (in other words ruin our child's life) and excessively intrusive relatives... trying to live our life the way we want to, without falling into the trap of everything surrounding us and try to raise a child who has good values than anything else...

A month into the journey, I am not yet sure if it is right or wrong but I am happy we are doing it now and not later... the kid is struggling to fit in but she is a brave heart...

Feb 26, 2017

Immigration, Detention Centers, Humanity,World!!!

One thing that we get to hear a lot these days is "It is funny that a land of immigrants is saying no immigrants."   We come here leaving our motherland because this is a land of opportunities, maybe safer, cleaner, but definitely better than what we left back in one way or the other.    I hate fear-mongering by the head of a powerful nation in the world.  I hate the gun violence in this nation and  the man who shot in rage is almost always mentally unstable and should not be outside let alone have an access to gun.  I hate quite a lot of things that are making me jump out of my skin each time I hear about them not just in US but across the world.  I hate the fact that there is hate crime, I hate intolerance in people to various things.  I hate the word "manobhaavalu debbatinnayi". I know I am rambling!!!

Of late there has been a lot of discussion on Trump, his policies, the racism surfacing full force and a whole lot of things, needless to say I have been worked up quite a bit and with my foot in the mouth syndrome I tend to offer and pop in what I have to say even if it is not concerned to me in any which way..!!!

I am actually getting a bit tired defending my stand on many things and why should I when I am not doing anything about any of it.   So when a buddy puts across a point as to why I could still be wrong on the way I feel illegal immigrants be handled I have a choice to leave it or answer it and given that it is ME, I try to type away my thoughts and bring an order to them..

About the conditions in the detention centers in the link that was forwarded, it is undeniably inhuman.  Honestly I don't understand the concept of long-term detention, why not deport immediately?  I never followed or read about the legalities as to why, so no clue either.

These centers are not new late 19th century 1890s ninchi vunnay in Ellis Island.   Anybody could come in before, then they needed papers and eventually there was a detention center and finally there is a huge system set up to track and monitor.

I don't justify any of these living conditions BUT US does provide free public school education, basic healthcare without denying treatment, pro bono lawyers support with legal issues as much as possible.  How far thin can they spread their limited reserves in the trickle down?? We pay taxes but that is just not enough, and further increase would break an average person.  Healthcare, welfare and security too many things here.

America assists in wars they dont need to and create their own monsters and a whole lot of other things they do not do right and that is an altogether different hornet's nest.

If we  have an inclination or interest, we can go to our town planning meetings, schooling budget sessions and we get the ground reality.  Also, they have minutes posted on their Govt. Center websites for us to read and follow.  At a county level, they are by and large welfare issues.  There are drastic budget cuts everywhere, special ed funds are always on the radar each time school budgets are allocated.  Mandi perigite majjiga palchana typelo sakramanga vacchina vaallake dikku ledu ikkada, so I understand it when they are cracking a whip on who is coming in.

 I don't completely understand bureaucratic red tape here but when our downtown living started 4 years ago and the kid got into public school system, I started to take an interest and try to understand the law and system of this land because at that point I thought we were going to live in US the rest of our lives and wanted to know what I was putting the child in or chose to consciously make it our home.   I have personally seen various departments fight for their causes to get budget allocations during these sessions and every single item on the agenda seems a priority and must do but unfortunately there is only little money.

It is not just US, I guess every other developed nation has this problem or every nation which has a nation with unrest next to it will have the same influx, like Bangladeshi influx in India that is closer to home.

Ideally speaking every living being should have a right to freedom, health and education but practically it is not the case.  It is just that we are very sheltered and have the luxury of discussing this and not living this situation,  we can afford to do pro or anti arguments from our couches.  My heart goes for those who come here and put up with everything, this shows how much more worse life is back at their homeland but I still think immigration laws should be tighter.  People migrate all over the world for a better life but if there is no internal safety or welfare, we do not have any other piece of land left on earth that we can start everything from the scratch.

This is not pro Trump or his immigration policy argument, just what I felt strongly over the last few years irrespective of who the president is.  We are going back to India for good so I can keep quiet and let it be but somehow wanted to say why I feel the way I do.

Each time we see a homeless person on the streets when we are driving back at night, the little one says I am so sorry he does not have friends to take him to their home, can I be his friend. If we look at it from a child's perspective it is that simple bring him home, share our home and what we have.  I agree with her but am I bringing them home??? Now the reality is how wise or safe it is and how many can I extend that support to?? In a way, the nation that I am living in is my home too right!!! BTW, I am just talking about illegal immigration ONLY.  The implementation might be wrong but the concept is not is what the selfish me feels.

How much simpler would it be if there were equal opportunities for everyone every where and how I wish it were to be as simple as that, make friends and share and care!!!

Feb 14, 2017

Inaganti Venkat Rao - IVR

In the time and age where the term "genuine journalism" seems to have become an oxymoron, the one person I still continue to follow for his opinions on current affairs is IVR.

Used to read Uluku Paluku but back then did not pay attention to who was the author of the column or know about that person or his/her personality.  When I read his books, he came across as an unbiased author who brought into light a few things and dealt deftly bringing out the persona behind person in question.  Those reads answered some of my questions on NTR and CBN.  The fact that he was not a routine sycophant writing a book on his favorite politician or a public figure is what put him up there as my favorite writer.  Then came the Idream interview with him and there he has earned a dedicated follower in me.

With each party having their own channel and news paper, media has lost its credibility to a large extent.  Eenadu and Andhra Jyothy is what I still follow more due to habit than the credibility aspect of it.  "The Hindu" a publication which was once upon a time a bible for civils aspirants seems a very pale version of what it used to be, so from out here or for that matter anywhere it is difficult to get a clear perspective of the happenings around the world.

Always on hunt for a captivating TRP-raising story than constructive or investigative journalism, the standards of media have fallen down drastically.  Growing up I never could have imagined wishing News had a censor or A rating.  Time has come where I need to check if the kid is around to flick on a news channel.  With channels almost stopping news reporting and into news making, I have come to a point of feeling we are better with a frog in the life living.  Suicide selfie videos, prostitution sting videos, the so-called celebrity dirty laundry aired for hours.  The bigger issues concerning welfare of the state are sidelined if there is a problem in a household.

The same news aired on different channels would just give you their respective political affiliation in a glance truth being sidelined completely, it is just a channels version of the event presented than the actual news presentation.

In such a scenario, Editors time with IVR in Mahaa News an otherwise unnoticed channel comes out standing tall.  I love listening to this old-world journalist, who to me, has retained that genuine flavor, a dignified and decent discussion, the topics picked for discussion are often very enlightening and educating.  They weed off unnecessary junk and stick to what is relevant.  That genuine smile and a well-read and well experienced grandfatherly feel while sharing his insights makes it good to listen.

In fact of late I have started looking forward to this program, my staple for the day and of course, like in everything OA is more religious in his viewership than I am, even replaying some of the Editors Time videos on youtube :).

Thank you IVR sir.


Om Namo Venkatesaaya - it has got important information on how different sevas came into practice and all that, anni commercial elements kooda unnay, I was doubting how Venkateswara Swamy would look like but he just looked too good on screen, the best I must say.

I do not really enjoy the movies in this genre except for it is Nag doing the movie.  Also, seeing him in the devotee role seemed a bit repetitive though the backdrops of the movies are different. The commercial elements which is KR specialty is a major put off but it is a good movie in general, just not my type.

Jolly LLB - Very good movie.. I watch very few Hindi movies and I like it.  Akshay has done complete justice to the role.

Of late I have been catching up with old Balachander movies and some really old ones and feel that

Toorpu Padamara - A very bold movie for those times, interesting and intriguing.

Toorpu Velle Railu - A disturbing and heartbreaking story line, very good one.

Sindhu Bhairavi - A good one again.

Guppedu Manasu - Good one.

Seetamma Pelli, Andamaina Anubhavam, Antuleni Kadha, Chilakamma Cheppindi, Sister Nandini, 47 rojulu

Quite a few movies, actually there is something or the other in the backdrop... I come to a conclusion that the directors back then so much more freedom and good sense and brought to life such delicate and diverse stories.

Feb 13, 2017

Hot on TN Political Menu - Amma, Panneer, SK and Vidyasagar Rao!!

Last few days have been stuck-to-the-couch watching/reading days thanks to the political crisis in TN.  People, netizens mostly have come to acquaint themselves so much with political terminology and have become mini constitutional experts of their own right.  With just the recent Jallikattu victory in their kitty, with recent Vardah and just about recovering from the oil spill after a massive political and administrative crisis/backlog for the last 9 months or to be more precise ever since JJ took over as CM second consecutive term, this recent power turmoil is another setback to the state at many levels.

 In fact, the TN politics shrouded in mystery, criminal and corrupt thinking, and extra-constitutional interventions have always been nasty but I guess they got away with all this due to lack of information or communication.  Now with every tom, dick and harry having a smart phone even in the villages (it is not an exaggeration to say that an average Indian household definitely has a phone and a TV even when they do not have a bathroom) and access to FB and twitter, they feel empowered to say and make sure it is heard even though they do not know what they are talking about or have no idea of the consequences of their outcry, they would still want to say something.  How can they keep quiet about the latest outrage in TN, so this looks like another beginning of end of logical and sane politics.

As far back as I can remember no matter which party was in power, people cursed both Karunanidhi MK Family and Jayalalitha Jayaraman JJ equally and that has changed a bit only in the last few years with people thinking good of JJ due to her populist schemes.  Even today, be it OPS or SK it is for their own vested interested politics.

When OPS did the hi-drama meditation at JJ memorial at Marina Beach, people of TN overnight get a new hero, a relatively clean politician who had "Ammas Blessings" twice and her soul said to be running him and his current revolt.  A man who I have seen always bent low be it in front of Amma then or Chinnamma until recently, suddenly develops a spine and stands strong just in a few minutes.  The man who bowed down 75 days when JJ was admitted, equally a culprit in the mysterious days.  If SK were to be blamed solely for JJs degeneration and not giving medical support when needed, OPS shares the responsibility of not going public at that point and keeping mum for 2 months until he was forced to resign.  To an onlooker he does not have credibility.  The sheer hatred towards SK and the corrupt nepotistic politics of DMK puts OPS as a forerunner but what are his credentials??  If JJ who had the same allegations against her and the similar opposition from the then leaders after MGR can rise to power why not SK??  If she is that bad, why are people calm and in the wait and watch mode leaving it to the governor or the center to come to their rescue.  If they consider it is an outrageous thought to have her lead the state why not come out and protest??

Jallikattu protests, to me personally, is an outburst reaction of rejecting everything thrust down by center or for that matter any decision made by Northern India and thrust on TN be it Hindi or any national party.  I have always admired the way my Tamil friends are so protective of their language, culture and heritage, so proud in fact.  The kids here in US always speak Tamil very nicely, not in an accent but the way it is to be pronounced.  To my shock, their pride ends just there in their culture and language and not where the state is going unfortunately.  The deep rooted corruption, the resignation to their fate is what I cannot digest, how can goons rule the state so freehandedly and why did they just take it all lying down.  Why is there only Dravidian political party and no people-centric party evolving even today in spite of everyone cursing both the leaders.  These 2 parties jail the leaders in opposition but never take them to task, they just dump the other with a load of cases which they drag on for years (the current DA case being a classic textbook example of how to do the same).

Many people ask what is Modi doing??  Can Modi do anything??  Will TN people accept BJP making inroads in their state politics, NO, then???

If the people have that kind of a hatred for the person in question why support someone and do something unconstitutionally, let her be the CM, be sworn in, how long will it take to bring her down if people are so anti...

If keeping in view the public dissent, a decision needs to taken then the governor is holding the fort as long as he can possibly do in spite of being branded biased and we should give it to that man for that. I think this delay will surely result in pulling SK down in any which way, if she is in jail, then it is a diff. thing, if she is acquitted she still wont be able to sustain power if he calls her to swear in and gives a later date to prove her majority on the floor and then comes the time for the people to bend down their MLAs or plainly revolt or whatever. If in spite of all this, she gets there and stays there, TN people deserve this to have allowed corruption seep in through their very system right from 1st election.. TN has set a trend for horse-trading, twisting democracy to the point of making a mockery of judicial, constitutional system of India in 1952 itself and the tricksters have built on it to the point of no looking back now.

These are the questions I have as an onlooker.  The issue to me, an outsider to TN, feel like a tasteless bubblegum chewed and over chewed...  I say unleash, the SK monster on people and let them take it from there, if TN can fight for indigenous cattle breed, they can fight for themselves too and it is high time, they do.

They say the supreme court judgment will get the things going on.. let us see how it pans out...!!

Jan 31, 2017

Some things never change...

This past month has been a terror to me in terms of health, sudden weight gain, the constant 144 has gone to 152... and nothing else except for my laziness and couch potato habits are to blame.

After a lot of followup got an ob-gyn appointment which is truly long pending given my health scare when I landed in US 5 years ago.  Each year before the annual physical I end up being very strict and religious good habit follower only for those few days and when I get the results thanks to my good genes and not good lifestyle I get a bonus year of healthy life and fall back into my lazy habits.

A day after the results, nothing changes me on the couch whole day and like the OA says our recliner sofa is gradually tilting to a side thanks to its servicing me constantly.

Loved the engagement of Chai and Sam, the love is so palpable and hope the guy gets all the love and peace he must have craved for in his childhood, family compensates a lot but nothing like having parents together and in love with each other.  God bless you Chaisam.

I am trying to consciously update my pic blog every day, yet to get back to writing good.

Hindi Movies..

Raes - After long a good SRK movie, a different and age apt one.

Kaabil - My current favorite is Yami Goutam, like the way she looks, cute and simple.  Hritik and Yami did look super in this movie.

Dangal - Liked it, nothing new per Aamir's standards but the surprise package were the new girls who took away the show :).

Parched - A really good, close to reality Radhika Apte movie, though a bit over the board with language and some scenes.

I have stopped watching Hindi movies of late, but once in a while take a look at what is new and ended up liking all these, so may be a few more in the coming days.

Jan 25, 2017

Sankranthi Movie Round-up

Pandagaki pindi vantalu vandinaa lekapoyinaa cinema choodatam maatram maanani ariveeraabhimaanam manadi kaabatti, after a long long time maa oorlo lekapoyinaa sare ballesukuni pakkoorlaki ellinatlu caresukuni pakka cityki maillu maillu drive chesukuni maree velli choosocchaamoch!!!

Happy Sankrati for me personally.

Satakarni - Dignified, decent and classy portrayal of a lesser known Telugu warrior - clear winner for me.

The kid has watched this movie 3 times in the theater along with her dad.  Krish, I have always admired for the quality of his work and it is a befitting 100th for Balayya.

Satamaanam Bhavathi - Pandaga, puttinooru, prema, clean, neat and feel-good.

Khaidi - A patience tester with distasteful comedy in spite of a strong story and a good performer.
A strong and tested story suitable for a larger than life hero who looks fit and presentable even at 61, songs and fights to appeal masses.. Good!!! Cheap, disgusting induced and unnecessary comedy track- pathetic!!! The boss could have done better without trashy additions to the original.

Jan 20, 2017

Unstoppable America - Trump

A rich businessman with no political contribution whatsoever, most controversial, most eccentric and undoubtedly the most unpopular and vocally unwanted contestant for the highest office of the world super power... Donald Trump is the 45th American President promising to make America great again.

I have been here 8 yrs. before when Obama was sworn in a historical election and now yet another historic swearing in ceremony and I am all glued to the television watching it.  I have never watched one.  The imposing mansion, the motorcade, the power it exuded and the power resting in one person to make a difference not just to his nation but the entire world is just wow-worthy!!

After listening to his not-so-surprising radical speech not forgetting what got him there, brand America, he is consistent!!!  and Yes, God bless America!!!

Much to the charging of a lot of my friends who wanted to be politically correct, I have been a vocal trump supporter to the point of being his Trumpet.  I am completely amazed the way he raced ahead in the midst of all the opposition and practically no support from his own party.  I am not particularly a fan of him in person BUT In my limited knowledge, there should be no cribbing NOW by democrats or people of United States it should have been when Bernie Sanders had to bow down to Hillary Clinton in the race from Democrats.  We cannot blame a person who won the race fair and free and all we can do right now is respect the democracy and not resort to civil unrest.

Coming from India, the mudslinging politics is the norm of the day and it does not feel odd but I was to be honest extremely mortified to listen to the debates which I am even more horrified to know that the students in middle school and higher needed to analyze as part of their learning.

But from the moment he announced his entry to the moment he is the elected President, he has made me admire his guts, the most prominent thing is not trying to be politically correct and wear his heart on the sleeve.

Whether this will bring out the bullies, supreme racists to the forefront, I am not really sure - there is always an underlying racism behind the subtle manners and political correctness that no one can deny.

Do I agree with the way he is portrayed to treat women - No, contrary to that, I cringe every time he gets derogatory.  All said and done, I can just hope and be positive that he will be extra cautious to not mess up with women ever again.

The moment of revelation of the extent of hatred to Trump came in when a scout mom calls to pull the child out as GS as an organization is taking part of the traditional parade at the inaugural of president swearing and the outrage expressed by quite of few of the leaders in our region as to why they dont want to have Melania as their girl's role model... come on!! gimme a break, that was what she did for a living and she did not run for a president her husband did and even she did, we have no right to demean her.. also a few people I know, who I personally find are racist to the core joining the women's march in protest of the person they consider is racist and anti-woman, everything I personally feel they are but have the sense to keep it to myself :).

Absolutely loved the way Hillary took it, the best and most soulful part of her campaign and everything before and after was her concession speech and the manner in which she carried herself after.  The popular vote winner yet losing to the rival, the dream vanishing into thin air, she took it gracefully.

AND... Michelle Obama looked very grumpy and cold, odd and out of place and I am not talking about her dress but her demeanor which seemed so unlike her...

man, the guts Trump has to call the previous regime a carnage with 4 other predecessors watching him in person..

The rain, was it a blessing from heavens or heavens crying no one knows, I guess it is your choice, take it the way you like.

I honestly hope that the press does not go all crazy anti-Trump and tear apart his youngest son for no reason and all goes well for the people of America.

The poster-boy US Prez gives way to the radical rebel...

Jan 19, 2017

Breaking Free

One fine day, without any provocation or reason, yours truly decides go on an FB detox if possible forever.  The fact that I manage our local Scouts FB page has been keeping me there but then, suddenly something snaps, those just a minute look into the phone or laptop turning into hours, have to stop eventually and this is the day...

I feel I should and I dont want to take chances with my monkey mind... the hand goes to FB every time, 'cos that has replaced everything for me, the newspaper, friends, my view of world...

I am in withdrawal, but I will overcome one day... the background sound in my mind right now...

we shall overcome, we shall overcome, we shall overcome one dayy.... ohh ohh man me hai vishwaas, pooraa hai vishwaas one day :).

Jan 6, 2017

Knives and Girls

The reason I am in awe of JJ in spite of charges of corruption or her self-promoting politics is the fact that a single woman without backing of a father, husband or a son rose above the gropers and grabbers and made them fall on her feet from far..! Growing up back home in the midst of all this, we can just say "Dear Mr/Ms attire-policing politicians and officials, age, dress, place, time nothing stops the gropers... only a hard-hitting consequence of the action will, so just stop telling girls how to dress and teach boys how to behave!!!!"

Oh, so it is easier to let the women carry knives during commute than get the men to behave in our nation's capital. Deadly weapons dont make women feel safer, good governance does.
And why do we need a govt. and pay taxes?? Cough medicine for Kejri?????

I am hopping mad when I see this... I mean, come on, do we have to let the police or the govt. know there could be women criminals too, kidnappers, pickpockets and you want to empower them???

Going back home, I am not sure how the LO will react to it IF she were to face this.  Brought up in this part of the world where getting less than 1 feet closer to an individual is like invading the privacy to my motherland where some perverts happen to think a woman's body is all up to groping, grabbing and their personal property to do whatever the hell they want to do is a scary prospect.

I have been trying to write a story in few words but never until now...

  • "I hurt say thighs, me too say eyes"

 My contribution to this, I think in my mind is to go back talk to kids at school, boys in particular about this issue and make them understand, especially the govt. schools... the more I think about it, the better I feel.

Dec 31, 2016

Political Wrapup..

There is no doubt that with CBN at the helm of affairs of the state, I feel much more comfortable, secure and confident about future than anyone else in that place in the foreseeable future. Leaving the year 2016 on a very positive note for the state.  Once I read the news of Recce or increased threat for him, the 1st thought that comes to mind is the number of tragic deaths in TDP, be it due to accidents or Maoists.  From the bottom of my heart, I do pray that he is safe and lives to be a 100 (touchwood).

 Modiji majority of indians do like "sacchaayi and Acchaayi" and have shown that they stand by these values in spite of all odds. Jantaa has done its part BUT your Sarkaar is yet to catch up as we still await cracking of whip on people who are found with lakhs of crores of rupees in new currency to begin with... Forget unearthing what they have been doing with the old currency over years, parallel economy or whatever and yes I might not be the only one who feels your latest address seems more like Satsang on "Aastha Channel."  and this means a HATS OFF to each and every person who made it possible in spite of the seemingly monkey business of government in implementation.  I still pray and hope and dread the prospect of having be led by Rahul or some puppet under Rahul and Sonia yet again and still believe that Modi will succeed in whatever he started to do.

AND it gives me creeps looking at the lady Sasikala, standing strong and so powerful in spite of all the bigwigs suspecting foul play in the death of iron lady JJ.  Her oath as GS of AIDMK all seems so disgusting and listening to her say "Makkal Naan, Makkal Kaaga Naan" in a voice that was never heard earlier somehow seems so evil and criminal.  SN as I have seen maybe a good friend or a soul sister or better still a personal caretaker whose family looted TN in the name of JJ should just have been a caretaker and not a successor.  That void left by the most well-read, graceful, dignified lady to be filled by Sasikala, to me, is a personal disaster.  Rest in Peace JJ.

Speaking of hierarchy and family in politics, the yadav clan beats them all and as the drama unfolds hope at least now people understand what they are voting for.

Rahul and Jagan in the meanwhile continue to reiterate the fact that we should be thankful that they are not ruling us yet and keep us toes to never let that happen.

JP is back to educating us and I hope his voice gains more strength and support from all the quarters and emerges as a biggest whistle blower in the politics.

PK...??  I hope he starts his groundwork to choose candidates and does a lot of groundwork picking the right people and take it from there if he is really serious about helping people by entering politics rather than his random "item" and special appearances.

Looking forward to going back home seems like bringing in that essential "life" back into life at this point..

Have a happy new year....

Dec 30, 2016


My thoughts on December 8, a month into the historic decision..

"A month into "demonetization drive" when nothing has stopped for the rich or at the least seemingly in-convinced them, instances of bank staff getting richer by the hour, new notes found on terrorists, gold stores making a quick buck, to counterfeits found, to what not in the process of finding loopholes of conversion... I salute the people of the nation who have shown the strength and resilience and the honest bank officials braving it all, still hoping and making it a "not just a failure as yet."
"Great intent with no content" is what I don't want to hear after all the hardships the common man has faced in hopes of a better future for themselves and their kids!!! Good job people and BUCK UP Modi and gang!!! the 50 days is around the corner and the big players are still at large.."

 With just another day left for Modi to address as to how he is going to take it further.

It is easier for me to be optimistic because I was not inconvenienced at all by the long queues, the cash-strapped life and so much of confusion with flash news and ever-changing rules by RBI "కేంద్ర ప్రభుత్వ కీలక నిర్ణయం" has  become  a laughing stock but yes, I am absolutely bowled over by the confidence of people who have faced all these and still think there is some hope.

Hope Modi does live up to the hopes of millions of honest people rather than supporting a few black money hoarders, the lakhs of crores of new currency caught but no action taken, with the rich going cashless easily while the poor are struggling yet hoping against hope that something good comes out of it.

I would consider the demonetization drive a success if at least a handful of such people are arrested and shown their place, looking for a ray of hope that the govt. has not done all this just to inconvenience the honest middle class but to actually fill their lives with hope that not everything is lost yet... it has been a hectic past few days and I am babbling and writing just because I dont want to lose this train of thought.... will get back and possibly edit or leave it like this and post more...

Dec 26, 2016

A slap and a turnaround...

Like I had mentioned many times before, I have been lost in the world of FB and browsing and all lost in my own world with a million things bringing me down (mentally) and some things just keeping me afloat... lost in the cyber world, internet to the point of internesting, forming my own nest in there, to the point of becoming a walking zombie craving for that browsing time, smart phone not helping, too many resolutions just to use the phone for talking and nothing else but then whatsapp as if everything in my world depends on it.  It is like people dont exist only their profiles and their whatsapp ids, talk and respond there and in person just zombie along...  Hate to talk to someone in person, wait for them to stop talking so that i can go back to my world and forget myself in that, classic symptoms of depression, eating too much, putting on weight but just looking at it helplessly than set about doing anything about it...

A real good blog buddie Chandu has put up compliment thing for spreading cheer on his FB page and this is what he had to say about me...

For the record, I revere you. One of the most intelligent, articulate, well-informed, emotionally strong women I've ever known. Also I'm perennially amazed at your ease and command over both English and Telugu. When somebody makes a kind remark about my writing skills, I always wish you don't see that to save myself from embarrassment. You, my friend, are a bonafide scholar.

To be really fair and honest, I dont deserve such high praise and I am not being modest or humble about it because I know what I have turned into, an addict in the real sense with no purpose in life than force myself to wake up, cook clean volunteer a bit and then come back and find rescue in the world wide web that sucked me into it providing me comfort and solace from the demons in my head.

It felt like a tight slap to come to senses, to be able to be that 0.000001% at least of what someone else might think of me, after consistently being made to feel like being good for nothing and then ending up feeling like one is going to be my turnaround.. to pick up and take it from there.. being closer to 40 than 30s, entering the middle age with still a little child who needs nurture to be able to build up on her nature, I cant just give up and go on zombied.

I see that I cant write that well or express that well but I will try, I will, I will and that in fact has been the motivation for me to kickstart what I had stopped a while ago, write and get it out...

Dec 25, 2016

Movies This Week

At the risk of sounding unpatriotic to the exclusive FB-moral policing gang ;)Dangal as expected turns out to be a wonderfully executed script with some really good performances by the freshers Fatima and Sanya and for once someone else in the same frame as Amir steals the thunder from him.  Though the pace seems slow and feels like a drag at times, I guess that is needed to validate the victory at the end.

Much against the general feel that these actors make more on such biopics than the real sports person, I do tend to feel many out here like me would not have known of their existence in the first place and still the world would go on.

Ramu strikes again, the film title and promotions triggering a controversy over nothing, building up hype and expectations and the output turns to be a bummer for those who expect to see anything more than diplomatic view...!

The movie has his trademark gory violence as well as human element to those crimes, could have done away with kumari and wedding song and those extreme visuals. BGM, taking, recreating that era, artists, performances, very good.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, every individual who grew up in those times would have an idea of the incidents and the stories passed down to the younger ones through eavesdropping or active participating in the discussions of adults.  The move is exactly what we knew happened, so I am sure the other party would be offended.  In fact I am surprised it is not titled Devineni 'cos as RGV says if it is the emotional aspect of the rowdyism, then it seems as if it is seen through the eyes of Nehru.  If we happen to follow Nehru or what he has maintained throughout, with a slight dramatization, it is just the same.

Vangaveeti, like RGV has maintained, is shown as the start and end of rowdyism, gang killings starting with Chalasani ending with Ranga and we end up having a soft corner or at least an understanding of Nehru and his popularity.

Contrary to the belief that the involved parties encourage caste-ism, I believe that it is the politicians that used the cast card to trigger unrest.  I agree totally that if Ranga, used caste, it was just to put the opposite party and the government in defense and thereby maybe attempted to save himself.  No matter how careful and manipulative one is, sometimes intense emotions prevail and nothing comes to rescue.  Student emotions, the blur between the rowdies and students, the settlements in the name of student politics, the unfortunate fact that politics play a major role in college days is shown.

To give him his due, taking out kamma kaapu song, whatever context it would have been in, there is nothing related to caste or any inclination towards the same.

If people had expectations that RGV, would have showed anything explosive in the movie, then they certainly have not understood him or his antics as of yet.  As is the norm, there is more explosive context outside of the movie between Radha Jr. and RGV than on screen.

Dec 21, 2016


I don't believe Vangaveeti is going to be his last Telugu film like everyone else ;)  who was present at the venue.  It is just a matter of time before something controversial catches his attention and he unleashes it on us... this was what I had predicted while still watching the event and yes by the end of it looks like he might do Siva-2 and maybe a few more... and wait, coming to that who is going to watch "Naeem" or "Sasikala" in Bollywood or maybe he will they did watch Killing Veerappan right.  With Ramu anything is possible any time.

Coming to this one, I am extremely curious as these are events closer to home and emotions of quite a few of those who associate with Vijayawada, a so-called biopic which is difficult to digest and convince people who have strongly biased beliefs on events, incidents and people about to be unveiled on screen 2 days from now.

The trend of making biopics on people still alive and immediately when the incidents take place seems to be on rise.

For a person born in Krishna District and associated with Vijayawada and belonging to either of the so-called "saamajikavargam" in the whole equation, emotions would be high.  A generation like mine grew up on stories of pre and post Ranga days, the people of these 2 castes or communities still do not get along well or just put up appearances and each section wants to believe that the other is at fault.  There is no denial that post-Ranga incident, Vja has changed a lot for good after all the property damage and stuff but people do have bitter memories of the violence outbreaks.

A distant relative was shot dead, he was a doctor and he was killed because he opposed the damage that was being done to the hospital premises or something like that which I dont remember clearly now.  Horror stories of loot, burning/damaging properties, and violence haunted people for a lot of days.  My firsthand experience was that one of my maama's was in Hyd and his family was in Vja and hearing the news he rushed back, everyone was so stressed out as we communications were not this good, no mobiles and even phones were not common in households back then, he started and took a lorry or any mode of transport he could find at that point to reach Vja and we did not know if he reached as there were no telephone booths open, my parents were tensed and somehow we got to know all was well but the fear was palpable in everyone.

When OA was excited and decided to watch the movie, to be honest I was not sure if I wanted to see the person glorified in spite of the fact that he is dead and did not have anything to do with the aftermath, I had my reservations because I grew up listening to "one" version of the story and I am sure a lot of others might have grown up believing the "other" version.

Raktacharitra was made and maybe it might have had similar impact on people and followers of Ravi and Suri in their area... Like the OA says oorlo pelliki kukkala hadavudi, (yes, I did not grow up in Vja so he teases me when I get touchy about that place).

Fan following to rowdies, gang wars, college fights they all sound so villainous to me now but there must be a generation of kids who got swayed into this, chadulu maanesi, future choosukokunda, misplaced heroworship and all that and it is even more unsettling we make movies on them and portray them as heroes for those who might not know and need not know...

Now, I am past that reluctance phase and hoping it would release somewhere close and I get to watch the premiere show.. me and my first day first show picchi.

Nov 21, 2016

Raw thoughts....

I supported the big-note stopping right from the outset but when a friend asked why the people who support are actually supporting by listing out what she did not find convincing... I was thinking through my fingers...

I cant talk of all the supporters but as to the reason why I support it is I am fed up because I cannot make enough money to have a decent shelter on my head, cant make enough to put my child through forget a reputed school a decent enough school which focuses on kid's future and not theirs, I am tired of having to pay money to get what is my right everywhere lancham lenide pani jaragadu constable ninchi watchman daaka, emante jeetam takkuva kharchulu ekkuva antaaru.

Taxeski TDS unte govt. ki eltundi lekapote avasaramaa nenu govt. services emi vaadukunnaale ani egese mindsetlo perigaanu idi tappu ani kooda anipinchanantagaa naa bloodlo adi cheripoyindi, ilaa continue autoo unte where will it lead to??

Naaku akkada nacchadu kaabatti nenu convenientgaa NRI life lead cheyyaali anukuntunna, tellodu ni choosi bhayam, nallodini choosi bhayam, anni sardukupotoo kooda India ellalante bhayam kaabatti ikkade undipovaali, GC procedure problem lekundaa aipovaali anukuntoo kids ki ide correct ani sardicheppukuntoo try chestoo unna I know it is my insecurity more than her future.

Change raavali anukuntaa adi elaa vastundo teliyadu, naa vantu cheyyaali anukuntaa edo chesaanu ane anukuntaa but edi work avvaledu, intalopu naa life aipoyindi naa kooturidi modalutundi ani artham ayyi aa aaratam inka perugutundi but i am helpless. Someone is trying to make it better, so nenu vaadini tittanu, full chance istaanu, adi tappa right evaru tappinchukunnaaru, evariki benefit ani doubt padanu, nenu completegaa wait chestaanu. maybe chaala mandi ilaage alochistoo untaaru short, nenu Indialo naakocchedaanito honestgaa batakalenu kaabatti ikkada undaali anukuntunna, so i am hopeful, I am positive and most importantly I WANT IT TO WORK...

Jun 26, 2016

Enduko, Enduko

After Sirivennela sir, if there is some one who gives his best to his writings and touches the heart it is Chandra Bose, I appreciate quite a few of his songs..

Movie - Gopala Gopala

Pilli manaku eduru padite panulu yevi jaragavanta..
Manam pilliki eduru padite karma kaali chacchunanta
balli paluku satyamanta, balli padite doshamanta
nakka toka lakku anta, nakka arupu mrutyuvanta

enduko enduko rendu kaallu manaku mukhyamantu kudi kaalu mundu antu moodha nammakaalu enduko
enduko, enduko jeevarasulanni daivamantu jantu balulu inka enduko
neelona dhairyamundagaa daaraalu enduko
nee atmasakti undagaa taayettulenduko
Chetale cheyaka chetike ranguraalla ungaralu enduko

Perukemo mangalavaaram panulakemo amangalam
Sani unna sanivaaram jaruputaaru subhakaryam
Bandilona vandalaadi parikaraalunnagaan inta nimmakaaya paina antuleni viswaasam endu endu endu ednu endukenduko

Bhoomi banti laaga thiruguthunte, dikkulanni maarutunte vaastu nammakaalu enduko
enduko enduko oo nuvvu drusti kaastha marchukunte disti bommalinka enduko
Sulaalu notilopala gucchedi enduko, paalanni puttalopala poosedi enduko sootigaa eppudu nadavakaa inka nippulona nadaka enduko..

So simply put yet so true...

May 2, 2016

People and Perceptions

I was just looking at the video of Sreeja's wedding and was wondering how could one be so ridiculous and heartless in commenting about an individual at this time.  All one could see was the love of the father and the family for a child who had erred once, that unconditional love only the parents could shower on the kid.. no one else but the parents.  It is amazing how people's minds work, to take so much of negativity in everything...

That aside,  I am fairly regular, rather an extremely active participant in social media but of late i just check the latest updates and make sure i comment on a few at least only to realize that a few of my very good buddies feel offended about not responding and thank God, they were open enough to ask and clarify that nothing is wrong and OF COURSE nothing is intentional anyways...  that sets me thinking that we dont get to go in a shell in a society, selectively or partly or unintentionally if there are your buddies they will pull us out or they get into another shell altogether where we are left to worry whatever happened????  

May 1, 2016

Spring in the step and in life

It was raining all day, the kid had first day of soccer all of them played in the field in the rain... loads of shopping done, the rain washed off the pollen a bit, the greenery all the more green, new beginnings, flowers everywhere... loving it though it does feel like winter still and not spring, there is spring in the kid's step and there is spring everywhere around...

Apr 30, 2016

Z - Zeal

It is vital to have a passion for something in life otherwise it becomes such a drag.  That missing something and that something which clearly shows in all my posts so far.  Looking back I can clearly feel the difference in the rest of my posts over the years and the ones now but then the revival has happened and I am positive the zeal to make it happen and the end of writer's block is going to be there soon..

come to think of it, it is not a writer's block it is a pause in the life a loooooooooooooooong pause of meaningless meandering around mundane things of life...

Thank you A-Z challenge to keep me motivated to post, it did help...

With just a few more minutes to spare to the end of this challenge, I reach the finish line...


Y - Yearning

Human mind yearns for something that is not within its reach.  I yearn to go back to life with my grandparents, where I did not have the luxuries but the youth and enthusiasm to go on with life, longing to be a part of natural lifestyle, up close with nature but then reality knocks at the door and here we are slogging it out every day.

Apr 26, 2016

X - X-Mas

The spirit of Christmas is so infectious here in US, everything so bright, nights are so lit up and pretty, Santa in the malls, songs on the radio, happiness everywhere.. festival in the truest sense.  Coming from India where almost every other week is a festival if we celebrate, it comes as a change.

Brightly lit streets remind me of Diwali at home, the red and gold the bright colors from the sober colors we usually get see on people outside, the egg nogg, the Christmas trees, the yard decors everything cheery....

This year, the child got her own little Christmas tree, decorated it the way she liked the best and was happy making me happy... This is the only festival she knows is celebrated given that we don't believe in any family rituals at home and nothing specific is done.

Apr 25, 2016

W - Work

One major question mark in my life is work.  Well there is work every single day but when I mean work, it means that which has goals and targets set for me, which earns money, respect and adds value to my life.  Have always had set targets for myself, reached the milestones where needed, tried to be the best in what I did and when I look back, I was very happy as long as I worked, lived life on my terms, did job on my terms and I do miss it, miss a structure in my life, miss anything purposeful to do.  Although being a mom and a wife and a homemaker is a full time job, I am slipping into a zombie mode slowly but surely....

V - Vegetarianism

Food is an acquired culture and I wish a lot of times that I were raised a non-vegetarian.  As a child, I never thought about how the meat comes, it tasted yummy, it was a treat once a week, then as an adult it was a habit and the first choice given I had an option.  Moving out here to US, eating out meant less vegetarian options and then chicken all the way.  I try hard to stop but I guess the hard is not enough 'cos I still end up eating meat from time to time.

I have noticed a difference in when I eat meat and when I dont.  If we pay close attention to our body, we realize the changes happening within, how it impacts any of us, the emotions.  I am sometimes amazed how much the pull of tongue is that I am not able to give it up for good.  It is still a work in progress I so wish I did stop it like yesterday...

Apr 23, 2016

U - Uber

Life for a nondriver in US is too dependent, long waits for bus, high prices for cabs, requests and more requests and all in all a pain.

Uber has come to me as savior, not too expensive, on time and independent.  It feels good to be able to move around with the child without any help.

PS:  I note my posts are getting smaller and smaller and more and more irrelevant these days and it kind of shows the lag that is kind of setting in, dragging and doing it by force and lot of self motivation.  I do not want to give up on the challenge or the note to myself to scribble something at the end of the day and see how much gibberish I can fill in here before I get back on track...

Apr 22, 2016

T - Time

Time and tide wait for none.  Have been hearing this all through my life... In a day, having nothing in specific to do on certain days, I lapse into my TV watching, browsing mode and then within no time it is time pick the child.  Time just disappears into thin air when it comes to a growing kid, here an infant, there a toddler ad within no time a 7-year old... so many things I want to do with her but the merciless time just runs and runs...

S - Sanity

It is very difficulty to retain sanity surrounded by people who expect to you to allow them to walk all over you.

To be sane with so many things going on your life is a well balanced act.... S also stands for sleepy, which I am right now but got to finish a post on this alphabet so I just zip through it :).

Apr 20, 2016

R - Reason

Like the adage goes common sense is the most uncommon thing these days, it is also a fact that we cannot reason with a person who is bent on being unreasonable.  I hate group politics or for that matter anything to do with having to do more than regular hi and byes in a group.  It is extremely difficult not to get into anything if we tend to go out often to the same places and keep bumping every day.

Of late I have been sucked up into a conflict between a few individuals refusing to see reason and then pulling everyone in the periphery to take sides but shouldnt that be an indicator to just leave it and run and not look back.. in stead there I am trying to fix it somehow... that itself is beyond reason... grrr...

Who said reasoning with self was easy, it is easy to give in to the spur of the moment against all good sense... 

For Evil Eyes on LO