There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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May 16, 2006

Is it just me???

There are times, like now, when I go into that infinite loop of analyzing things as to why they went wrong, why they are as they are, why are they not what they ought to be, etc., and I become moody.

I mean I start a lot of things with a whole lot of josh, enthu, or whatever and then the fizz slowly fades away. A lot of excitement to begin with, all the efforts put in, everything seems to be going great for a while and then somewhere down the line I lose the track and it is very difficult to go back on that again (like my civils prep and the most recent CMT prep postponed twice already in the past year and a half). The lazy me starts popping up and everything falls back to that normal boring existence. I hate the term existing in the context of living. One needs to live life to the fullest, not just exist like I am doing right now. I think I take life too casually and have no real goals to keep me going.. there I go again into yet another endless loop.

I hardly seem to do anything properly, the usual work which takes me 4 hours at the max, seems to be stretching unendingly throughout the day and even late into the night. Nothing that I do seems to be going good. Am I looking at things microscopically and looking only at the negative things??.. well, I dont really know. I just hope it is a passing phase, I hate being and thinking negative as it saps out my energy or is it the heatwave that is taking its toll on me??.. No idea.

I just seem to be doing fine one moment and the very next I find myself in the abysmal depths of sorrow, pain, hurt, or whatever. Does this happen to everyone or just me, I mean the time frame, frequency, consistency, etc., etc.??


Chaitu said...

Hmmm ... I believe it happens for everyone at one point or the other. You should not worry too much about it. Each person has their own views on what is important and what is not - what is living life to the fullest. Find out or get to know yourself better and then maybe that will become clear to you. So you will not have the feeling that you are just existing. If you start something and do not see it through, it only means that what you started is actually not so important for you I guess.

Kalpana said...

It happens for everyone as chaitu said. It's true. "Knowing what we are" is really a looping phase. It never ends until we make a full stop when decided. Sush, exam annavu kada, think on that goal 4 now, N do it. Ninnu thittamante, baaga thidathaanu. Ippudu chudu. Set a goal. study. Boost some energy for yourself.

Kalpana said...

I remember a hrithik's song " Mei aisa kyo hoon, mei aisa kyo hoo " after c'ing ur article. Idi naa favorite song when things go as u say.

For Evil Eyes on LO