There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.
Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.
May 5, 2006
Bobby.. kiddo as I call him lovingly.. I miss him at times and I guess it is one of those days..
He is the only one who I can call my very own (well as of now ;-)).. We have always shared this love-hate relationship right from the childhood... mom party, dad party, always quarelling, he beating me up black and blue and me using the choicest abuse in turn but mostly destroying what he liked the most (heehaa, the sadistic me). It took 25 years for us to form a bond this strong and it sure is really really precious to me. Especially after amma, I just feel that she has brought us closer and is looking at us and blessing us from above. He has actually taken over that big bro's role making me wonder at times at his maturity (only a few times mind you) but he is still as adamant and as foolish in certain things.
After Amma, I look up to him for approval of things that I do and it is very difficult for me to move forward when he bluntly refuses to listen to me.. I feel like shaking him up and bring him to senses. He might seem huge in terms of build but he is still a sensitive kid. I am scared to put any pressure on him to do what he does not like lest he would go back into his blues (it still gives me goose bumps when I look back at the best-forgotten past).
At times, I feel totally frustrated that he is being totally selfish, just escaping things and trying to hide in his studies but then when I think clearly, I am just doing what I ought to and when I can afford to do something why not, especially when he has never ever let me down and always gave his best shot at it.. Another three years or maybe even five years, it is really scary but it is not all that bad. We can manage, if we did it for 28 years, another 5 is not a big deal.
I just want him to be strong and be there for me when I need him the most. Right now, when he says listen if you do something, consider me out of the family... well that hurts... I just hope he comes around as I cannot do anything properly like this and will always be blaming either myself or him for the rest of my life.
Quote For The Day
The significance of man is not what he attains but rather what he longs to attain.