There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Aug 24, 2006

It still feels raw..

Nine months since Amma (my granny) left me and I still feel very raw from within.. Nothing, no matter how greatest the happiness, really seems to make me happy for long. I just feel like it was yesterday we were talking and cracking jokes at the expense of taatee and mom, just yesterday we were watching a movie together or going for shopping together. Every Sunday I still expect a call from her in that booming voice of hers.. "Ammaaa..." I am so very used to her Sunday calls that every time my phone rings, I kind of pray, let it be Amma God, just this once.. I have a lot to tell her a lot many things, everything seems so inconsequential without her!!

How is it possible that one can love another person sooooo much, so loving, so caring, so giving, that unconditional love, that forgiving nature, that bearing everything with the most beautiful smile. Will I ever get over with this mourning for her. I miss her real bad at times, so much so that I feel guilty for being happy without her, not being able to do anything for her, not being able to share my happiest moments with her, the person who took all my fears, pain and gave me back that courage and strength to move on.

She was with me guiding me, supporting me, pulling me up and when I have all that she ever wanted for me, she is not with me to see that... WHY???????

This is for you Amma...

All the times you walked with me and played,
laughed and talked with me...
All the stories you told me before you tucked me into bed
All the hurts that you kissed away
and the hugs that made it okay..
All the things you did for me
are treasured in my memory...
... And I am really very thankful for your love..
... And even if I found a way to return this love to you,
it would not be so complete and true.


Keshi said...

u lost ur mum? oh Im sooo sorry - HUGGGGGGGGGGZ! This post made me cry. No I dont even wanna think of how ly life will be if my mum died...cos I just know I wont live then.

Sorry to sound so negative but my mum is someone who I adore and I cant see a life w.o. her.

Its so hard when a loved-one dies!


Sush said...

Heyy girl, Amma is my ammamma actually, that is my grandmom, mom's mom.. she brought me up, hence the bonding.

Keshi said...

oh ok.Cos u said Amma and that means mother in Tamil :)

Anyways even granma is like our mother. My Ammamma died in 2002. She is always in my heart. I miss her terribly!


Godsgalnj said...

Hey, I'm sorry you feel the way you feel. I'm praying for you and Amma and hope everything gets better for you soon! Oh yeah, and btw, I was wondering: What's your language? I'm just curious. Well anyway, I hope and pray your days will get brighter. God Bless.

Sush said...


My language is Telugu, a South Indian Language.

Twisted DNA said...

Hey Sush, that's so sad. That void won't be filled in your life :(

mommyof2 said...

I was brought up by my grandma too who died in March. Its been almost 5months but I still can't believe it. She is always on my mind..

Every time I call India I always think that she is there and she might talk to me as if her death was a bad dream. She was very fond of food and everytime I eat something she liked I can't help my tears rolling down.

Sush said...

Very true.. T-DNA... by the way, can we have your name please, calling twisted or DNA sounds a little out of place.

M of 2 -- Some precious people in our lives are just gone forever, no matter how much we want that to be a bad dream.. just cant get them back :-((.

For Evil Eyes on LO