There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.
Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.
Feb 18, 2008
There was a time I used to hum and breeze through even the most difficult times.. there used to be a song in my head and a smile on my lips all the time and life was a fun with my best buddy, the music.. there was a rhythm in the life, there still is but I seem to have forgotten the lyrics of that song..
I have always decided that I want something in my life and went for it and whatever small or big thing it was that I went for, it was with total dedication and I felt I was in control of everything even when things were going as wrong as they possibly could.
Now, when I have reached a point where I achieved all that I ever longed for (nothing high simple things like a shelter on head, a morsel to eat, a bed to sleep in, and a home and a few good people to call my own) and more, I feel numb, there is nothing else left to struggle for and even if there is something I still want to do, there are so many limitations or bondings that dont let me to. I have to think a 100 times even before speaking a word or doing a deed, I seem to be incapable of doing anything alone when contradicted and I just dont think it is worth fighting with OH or for that matter any one and just give in to whatever it is. I cant convince myself to live my life this way resigning to fate or working and coming to terms with something I dont really believe in and worst thing is not having anything to believe in any longer... that melody which kept me going, that zeal is lacking, looks like I have forgotten the song of my life and am just giving in to the sad moments in spite having the best. Why do I have to put an effort to revive something that had been an inherent trait all the while??
Nope, I am not looking for sympathy and I am not indulging in self-pity, I am just angry at myself for letting anything and everything affect my mental peace, it is just an outburst on myself.
Courtesy: Photo Bucket