Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Feb 1, 2008

Objects of Affection!!!

I am a big follower of a lot of mamma-baby blogs and take a great pleasure starting my morning with their news and views.. this particular tag that is doing the rounds has taken my attention totally.. no one has tagged me to do it, but I wanted to do a post based on the idea from tag.

I am a person who stashes away each and every thing as a memory of the person or the moment that I love and by that one can imagine all the stuff that I must have gathered over a period of my lifetime, you bet, it WAS a vast collection.. I say was because my mom is exact opposite of what I am and believes in giving away stuff to every and any person that comes into her contact and says he or she likes it. I have had major breakdowns time and again all through my growing up years on this particular issue with her and managed to at least save things that mattered to me most like the gifts my friends gave, some memorabilia that I gathered whenever I visited a place, my scarf collection, stamp collection, soft toy collection, greeting card collection, watch collection, fancy jewelery collection (though I hardly wear them I used to collect them and just feel happy looking at them), etc. up until the point I came to US.. when I went back this time around when she retired and had to vacate the quarters, all that I found in my room was nothing!! Not even my loads of dresses that I left back there because of my luggage restriction, most of the sarees that I got as a gift from friends and family or even the ones that I bought, my everything that I treasured the most are gone!!! I am left just with my greeting cards, 'cos no one would possibly want them.. :((((((!!!!!

I fail to understand her logic... give people what you have and God will give you.. what the hell?? what does she get from hurting me so much!! I respect her feelings, let her give away what all she has, why mine that too after taking a lot of promises before coming to US.. well, no point crying.. the Tsunami is past and I am washed out completely (getting too dramatic I guess!!) but it does really really hurt.. one might say what is it about the material things that you cry so much about. It is not the material stuff, it is the effort that has gone into collecting them, it is the love that is hidden when people gave me gifts, it is the memories that make me the person that I am. Will she ever understand the damage that her charity deeds have done to me as a person time and again. She says I overreact but I think I am human. I guess that is her weakness, that is what my granny used to say. Her weakness is she cant say no and she is surrounded by people who take total advantage of that.

Well, I am glad I got all my amma's memories with me, well most of them, her bhajana books, everything I stored up at my friend's place.. all her photos, the telugu notes that wrote for me once, the autograph that I took playfully from her on Rexona Soap Cover, the chocolate wrappers that she gave me, etc. are there with me. Even the gold (mangalasutra, earrings, nalla poosalu, and a ring) what little she had, is there with me. My aunts were real abusive that I took her gold, but it is not gold for me, it is something she wore, something she had on her all the time and we had given more than that anyways to them in return for what I have taken, so I dont care. I have collected all her things and whenever I see them, it kind of gives me some peace and comfort. Call it crazy or whatever, but that is what I am or my trademark dialogue "I am like thattt only".



So, the material possessions that matter to me the most are the kumkum that she prepared with her own hands as she always did every year and the vattulu as they are limited and will be over or spoiled in a few more years.. I had to throw away the kumkum today because there were bugs in it :((((... Everything used in my marriage right from pasupu, kumkum, vattulu, to pasupukommulu, akshintalu are the ones she had prepared for her pooja room and I had collected and kept just for that occasion. If I see my wedding video, I had been crying all the time remembering her and feeling her absence more acutely than ever!!!

Come on and tag yourself if you like this one and list out your fav material possessions, but Caps!! you MUST do it :).

10 comments:

Krishna Kumar said...

akka..really superb post akka...but i dunno,that i have that maturity to admire this post..and i dunnave words to tell

all i can tell is..i got to know that i too have feelings...

thanx akka...

sahasra said...

I can understand ur feelings...The feeling "MINE,my room,my stuff" really mean " I "...They depict our relations with frnds, our unforgettable memories....

I had my fears when I was about to marry and they haunt me now also...we are not the same after marriage....Why does this happen to me(in general,gals)....I long for my parents,my room,my home,my farm,family get-togethers, frnds....

BTW, good write-up...I admire u for ur unconditional love towards 'AMMA'

Apple said...

hmmm...I totally understand your feelings sush...I too have few valuable possessions at home...thankfully no one ever touches them...

Your AMMA (even I call my Ammamma as AMMA sometimes) is so lucky to have such a sweet grand daughter..May her sole rest in peace...

my life.... said...

Dear Sush, i can totally understand how u feel. I am also the type of person who collects every single gift ppl give me... Well to me these gifts are memories and love given to me by my loved ones. I even have the dried leaves and petals of roses given to me by my best fren. Well i hope my gifts won t be thrown into the drain when i get married. You are such a sweet daughter to yr mom who holds onto every single little thing yr mom gave u. Love you dear :)

Apple said...

Hey nenu Soul spelling thappu raasa...waahhhhh! nuvvu publish chesesaavu..:((...

Sree said...

hey... amma is my granny lalitha :).

joy said...

i can understand what you feel sush...i have most of my stuff back home..and i will be heartbroke if someone throws them away or gives away...they mean a lot to me ...my old diaries,poems,lots of greeting cards,old flowers...maybe this time when i go i will get them here

Alapana said...

Memories which you stack away in your heart will be with you forever, Pasupu, kumkuma vattulu migalaka povacchu,kaani gnyapakaalu maatram eppudu neethone untaayi kada.
If i am not wrong my mother might know more about Guraja,your home town,yerneni me inti peru anukunta,ma amma chinnappudu guraja lo perigindi,valla ammamma daggara:) aavida guraja lo oka gudi kooda kattincharani vinnanu, i never went to that village but my mom even went two years back:)
Wrote this to make you smile,because each little thing which talks about our best moments will make all of us smile:)

Kalpana said...

post ippude chusaa...I can understand..........baadha kaligisthaayi konni incidents.......I will definitely do it........ :)

Satish Bolla said...

ee article ki ela reply ivvaalo theliyatam ledhu. i was stunned to see this. really heart-touching one. "naadhi" ani manam edhaina anukunte adhi migatha vaalla jealousy ki reason kaavocchu. but manasu petti chusthe dhaani venaka dhaagunna aardhratha vaallaki kuda telusthundhi. but ee rojullo alaa aalochinchevaallu baaga thakkuva aipoyaaru.
anyways, nee articles chaala varaku konchem negative sense tho unna(i mean more about sad feelings than the happier one), vaati gurinchi nuvvu raase way chaala baguntundhi.

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