There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.
Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.
Mar 22, 2008
"alochanala tuphanulo talladillina manasu"
When I saw Keerthi recount her wedding day, I am reminded of this post which I have been wanting to do for quite some time and just kept dilly-dallying and it finally sees the light of the day today.
My marriage to OH is a fusion of web-based, high-tech yet arranged and conventional one. It took us both 6 months to decide whether or not we want to take it further and lot of support and push from bro and buddies which led to our parents fixing it up for us just in 6 days!! Then the whirlwind engagement and OH's stamping and flight to US for on-site project, the 6-month "golden period" with 24x7 google chat, phone, webcam, etc. We got married on Dec 14, 2006, 6 months after the engagement when the OH flew down to fly me back to the other part of the world into supposedly our world together.
Even though there was 6-month gap and ample of time for prep and all, the chats and stuff along with the office work left me with loads of work done even towards the very end and no wonder me and OH were shopping up to 7 p.m. the day before the wedding, tired with no Henna appointments available at that nth hour, and excitement of new beginnings and sadness of not having amma near me at that very special moment in my life, I was nothing if not a total nut-case. All the relatives arrived and the prep continued full-fledged as the wedding was at the house itself.
I was a bundle of nerves, happy that I was going to be free from all the responsibilities that I had loaded myself with, happy to run away from the problems so far both imaginary and real, looking at the ideal world that we had created for ourselves during all our chat sessions, the ideal way of life, promising ourselves not to give in to emotions and egos like our elders did, a family of my own, me and the OH and on the other hand, terrified as to how I would cope up with the expectations from the other end, the fear that I might not be able to be the same independent and carefree individual that I was until that day, that nagging WHATIF feeling.
Me, mom, bro, and dad all of us slept in the same room, my room, one last time together as a family before I belong to someone else and go into the never-turn back land. No matter how much I tried, I could not get even a wink of sleep, the whole night was gone just like that with my entire life reeling in front of my eyes, the fear of the unknown and that feeling like I am being sucked into a whirlpool struggling to keep my head above and float and tears kept running down my eyes though my mind was blank as if my entire being was being washed out while I focused on my granny's pic on the wall and prayed for some peace and comfort...
The day comes and amidst the routine hungama, rush, petty issues, dhoom-dhamaka with loads of crackers, and the usual traditional rituals, we are pronounced a couple in front of thousands of invitees and my dear and near ones next to me and amma blessing me from somewhere above. Surprisingly, I cried loads coming from the maternal home which I had actually yearned to do just out of sheer frustration at times. All the garlands and attire and everything seemed to me like hand-cuffs and I suddenly felt like a prisoner trapped with no where to go, felt like a bird with wings cut off, felt like I was being shooed of my own house into some unknown dark valleys.. well, if I felt that getting married to someone I really loved, I shudder to imagine what if it were a typical arranged marriage :((
That day, I went to the inlaws place with Caps accompanying me for the first time as the DIL. As usual, me and Caps chatted deep into the night discussing my fears and future.. and as it had been nearly 48 hours since I slept, the sheer tiredness helped me drift into restless sleep with me looking forward to a new life with new hopes of togetherness and a nagging fear of unknown..
"Kotta Chiguru...jeevitamlo kotta adhyayam vaipu payanam"