Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

Search This Blog

Loading...

Apr 28, 2008

What Is In a Name??

Well, this is one thing which I fail to understand time and again, why is the woman supposed to change her surname once she is married. Why is it always a man's name that she has to carry, be it father or the husband. I am not being a feminist or whatever it is just a random musing.  Why is the choice not left to the person whose name is in question and not rub the age old matriarchal , patriarchal theories, beaten down to death from centuries.

I had no say in what my name was at the time of my birth, but all my life it has been my identity. I was, am, and will be Maiden Name xxx.   For those who muse on why I still carry my maiden name, it is because I had no say in having it in the first place and I dont really want to dwell on it PERIOD.  It is just that I have been called so for so long and I see no need to change my identity just to prove love or loyalty to anyone. I neither love nor hate either names but I prefer the one I had been called so far, plain and simple.  If it is a passing discussion, I let it be and just nod to the person expressing those feelings, but a serious argument or a discussion where I am asked to be the person in question I will NEVER EVER DO IT.  I most certainly have far more things to carry on my mind than sit about discussing what I should or should not carry as a surname which, for me, other than for being addressed or identified is of no use in any way but someone forcing me for something will certainly get a piece of my mind on it. If not prepared for the outcome, why discuss in the first place??

My mom has her maiden name in all her records to date but collectively they are Mr. and Mrs. Father's Surname and so is the case with all my aunts who work. There was never a question as to the need to change or a force to do the same, because changing the name is a tedious process and no one had the time nor did they see the reason to. For the women who are not educated or for those who choose to be homemakers despite of good education for whatever be the reason, it might be a different case though but generalizing any one point of view is what I really do not like.

If someone points to me, 'cos my mom changed her name, my wife should too.. I would just not buy it.

As it is we are being referred to as your daughter, your wife, and your mother. We come along with you happily leaving the loved ones who raised us so far and come to your place to run our family and raise our kids in the process forsaking everything that meant a lot to us up to that moment, do we have to lose what has been our identity so long even on paper??

Can there be no thing called separate togetherness?? Cant we be two individuals who come together to lead a life happily without forcing each other for such unimportant things!!  Society norms, blah, blah, blah.. I choose not to and that is it... someone hurt, hurt beyond repair.. DO I REALLY CARE??  Why force first and then get hurt as a result of repercussion..

5 comments:

Krishna Kumar said...

Hmmm...evaristham vaaladi...and maa inti vishyaaniki vasthe..maa mom emo inti peru kadu kada...eekamga Dad kosam tana pere maarchukundi...Chitra to Usha..and nenemo...maa inti peru Pathangi unchukunna..maa achuakka emo..pathangi nachaka...maa Dad peru Parthasarathy sur-name ga pettukundi...

Sree said...

mana ishtam vacchindi unchukuney freedom untey issue kadu pillakay.. forcing it down is something I really really grudge..

Kalpana said...

Sree, homemakers ayinantha maathraana, name change cheyaalsina avasaram ledu. Identity, eppudainaa identity nee... :)

Apple said...

Maa ayana em pattinchukodu kaanee chuttu pakkala vallaki matram chaala asahanamga vuntundi nenu surname maarchukokapothe :P...GGL anesi lite theesukodame...

my life.... said...

yes... actually its true abt what u have just said...maiden name is my identity... i will definately retain my maiden name

For Evil Eyes on LO