Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Apr 28, 2008

What Is In a Name??

Well, this is one thing which I fail to understand time and again, why is the woman supposed to change her surname once she is married. Why is it always a man's name that she has to carry, be it father or the husband. I am not being a feminist or whatever it is just a random musing.  Why is the choice not left to the person whose name is in question and not rub the age old matriarchal , patriarchal theories, beaten down to death from centuries.

I had no say in what my name was at the time of my birth, but all my life it has been my identity. I was, am, and will be Maiden Name xxx.   For those who muse on why I still carry my maiden name, it is because I had no say in having it in the first place and I dont really want to dwell on it PERIOD.  It is just that I have been called so for so long and I see no need to change my identity just to prove love or loyalty to anyone. I neither love nor hate either names but I prefer the one I had been called so far, plain and simple.  If it is a passing discussion, I let it be and just nod to the person expressing those feelings, but a serious argument or a discussion where I am asked to be the person in question I will NEVER EVER DO IT.  I most certainly have far more things to carry on my mind than sit about discussing what I should or should not carry as a surname which, for me, other than for being addressed or identified is of no use in any way but someone forcing me for something will certainly get a piece of my mind on it. If not prepared for the outcome, why discuss in the first place??

My mom has her maiden name in all her records to date but collectively they are Mr. and Mrs. Father's Surname and so is the case with all my aunts who work. There was never a question as to the need to change or a force to do the same, because changing the name is a tedious process and no one had the time nor did they see the reason to. For the women who are not educated or for those who choose to be homemakers despite of good education for whatever be the reason, it might be a different case though but generalizing any one point of view is what I really do not like.

If someone points to me, 'cos my mom changed her name, my wife should too.. I would just not buy it.

As it is we are being referred to as your daughter, your wife, and your mother. We come along with you happily leaving the loved ones who raised us so far and come to your place to run our family and raise our kids in the process forsaking everything that meant a lot to us up to that moment, do we have to lose what has been our identity so long even on paper??

Can there be no thing called separate togetherness?? Cant we be two individuals who come together to lead a life happily without forcing each other for such unimportant things!!  Society norms, blah, blah, blah.. I choose not to and that is it... someone hurt, hurt beyond repair.. DO I REALLY CARE??  Why force first and then get hurt as a result of repercussion..

Apr 24, 2008

Taatee.. The One and Only!!!


I am very touchy about the people in my life and with the sudden demise of amma, I cherish the remaining all the more... I already wrote about
Amma HERE
my mom HERE
Kiddo (my bro) HERE

Now it is the turn of another man who means the most to me at the moment and I miss spending my time with him at the very end of his life.. yes, he is none other than my maternal grandfather, talking to whom reminds me of his better half, amma. He is very much fine as of now but we never know :((. I wake up at nights scared that something is wrong with his health suddenly and call him up the first thing in the morning to listen to his voice and assure myself that he is safe. When I am with him, I see him breathe when he is sleeping and want him to do that forever and ever.

I love him so dearly, much more so since he is alone and I feel guilty at times for having come so far for my own comfort ignoring him out there. I used to promise amma I will take care of him if something happened to her. I so wish I could be with him but being the practical person that he is, he wants me to be here and make a future for us and live happily.

He is 80 plus years old, very old, just like a ripe mango. One unique feature about him is his single tooth, yup.. he just has one tooth left and has refused adamently to get dentures fixed. It is a sight to watch him combing his hair or eating his food. One thing that I can give anything for is his toothless grin, with the one and only tooth shining through!!

Monditanaaniki maaru peru maa taatee.. He was diagnosed with heart disease around 10 years ago, complete 4-valve blockage, a severe condition.. on x-rays his heart is like a fully blown balloon ready to burst any time.. that was 10 years ago and is the same even today. He was advised a pacemaker and he plainly refused to have it done and took a promise not to waste a penny on his health or heart and yes, he is still surviving and he to me a walking miracle, like a glass doll. He used be a reckless and negligent guy in his youth, spoiled all the wealth he inherited in gambling, making movies, etc. and the children now are left with those memories of him abandoning them for years together to the mercy of relatives or to fend for themselves. With amma gone, he is all alone, no one to talk to, no one to go to.

There are 3 sons in the same village, but no one to take care of him. They say let him come to our house and eat.. what the hell, if you care enough, how can he walk all the way and even if he does, how can he bear the taunts of the DILs behind his son's back, just a curry once in a while or a hi and hello some time.. huhh!!! how can we be so heartless!!!! Agreed he has a couple of maids coming and cleaning and cooking for him but what they cook is a messy stuff :(((. I so wish I were there and keep him with me.

One thing I admire the most about him is his independence, even today he does not take a single penny from anyone, earns on his own, does the gardening, sells coconuts and bananas from his garden. For my attammas or mamayyas, it is a "paruvu takkuva pani" what the hell, anything and everything is fine unless you steal or kill some one. At this age, in his condition, he works in the garden, planting, watering, and creating water paths every single day and if he sells it what is wrong. I dont feel insulted to sit near him, neither do I ask him to stop that because I know he is happy doing that, happy looking at people who come and talk to him when buying the coconuts, feel satisfied that he is still working, feel good about him in general rather than stick to bed and just watch TV.

I am proud of him no matter what he does. I dont care what he did in his youth. All I see now is a man in a ripe old age, mourning his caring and loving wife, battling his health issues, not living on anyone's alms but his own hard-earned money. He is content with what he has, he wants to earn till his last breath, not take anything from anyone or go to the son's house and live like an unloved stray dog.

Love you tatayya and miss you sooooooo much. I love the way you scold me for calling ISD and wasting the money. I love the way you shout at me for having tears in my eyes when talking to you. I love the way you are for what you are and it breaks my heart when I see you wiping your tears looking at amma's pic. I know you know her value now a lot more than you used to but I also know that you more than made up for what you did in your youth by taking the best care of her in old age, that is being able to live in your own place and not depending on anyone thereby sparing from all the insults she had been having throughout her life. I am proud of you taatee and please please please continue to breathe... slowly, steadily, but for a little longer.. I will be broken without you beyond repair!!

Apr 23, 2008

Too Much To Say..

Yup, all these days I have been extremely busy, sad, mad, happy, and had been through all the emotions.. yet another year passed by in my life without achieving anything. It no longer feels good to celebrate the birthday.. as they say, if I start lighting the exact number of candles, the cake will burn down even before I can blow them all :((.. need to write a lot about a lot of feelings, events, and things in general...

1. The Surname War.
2. My New E-Book Reader.
3. Temple of Peace and Calm.
4. Human emotions.
5. Charity/noble causes.
6. Coming to Terms.
7. Tantrums.
8. Nature Versus Nurture.
9. To the point of no return.
10. Me and India.
11. On love and hate.

are a few of the things that I want to have a say about...

Apr 6, 2008

Shame Shame!!!



Well this is what I would like to say to the media back home!!

It was just the other day, I was feeling sad about the news of death of Sobhan Babu and then I happened to see a few video clippings posted on the net commemorating his life and times and as a tribute had been listening to some of his songs and saw his movies as a token of respect to him.

What irritated me the most are the ones which show his cremation :((. Doing this to a person, who wished to stay away from the press and hulla gulla to keep his handsome image and face in memories of the audiences forever, it was a rude shock. How can they do this to him or to any one for that matter.. What the hell is wrong.. I am reminded of vultures who feed on the dead, it is just that these human vultures are way worse!!!

Apr 1, 2008

Jagamanta Kutumbam Naadi..



Another Seetaraama Sastry Master Piece.


Jagamanta kutumbam naadi ekaaki jeevitam naadi
samsaara saagaram naadey sanyaasam soonyam naave


జగమంత కుటుంబం నాది ఏకాకి జీవితం నాది
సంసార సాగరం నాది, సన్యాసం సూన్యం నాది
The whole world is my family but I am a loner... well said.. it is you and you alone even the rest of the world is a family to you!!

"kavinai kavitanai, bhaaryanai bhartanai
mallela daarilo manchu edaarilo
panneeti jayageetaala kanneeti jalapaataala
naato nenu sangamistu naato nene ramistu
vantarinai anavaratam kantunnaanu nirantaram
kalalni kadhalni maatalni paatalni
rangulnee rangavallulanee kaavya kanyalni aada pillalani"


కవినై కవితనై, భార్యనై భర్తనై, మల్లెల దారిలో మంచు ఎడారిలో
పన్నీటి జయ గీతాల, కన్నీటి జలపాతాల, నాతొ నేనే సంగమిస్తు , నాలో నేనే రమిస్తూ..
వంటరినై అనవరతం కంటున్నాను నిరంతరం
కలల్ని, కధల్ని, మాటల్ని, పాటల్ని, రంగుల్ని, రంగ వల్లుల్ని , కావ్య కన్యల్ని, ఆడపిల్లల్ని

No one can simply give the gist of these lines in translation but if understood, they are gems!!


mintiki kantini nenai
kantanu mantanu nenai


mantala maatuna vennela nenai
vennela kuutala mantanu nenai
ravinai Sasinai divamai nisinai
naato nenu sahagamistuu naato nene ramistoo
vantarinai pratinimisham kantunnaanu nirantaram
kiranaalni kiranaala harinaalni harinaala charanaalni charanaala
chalanaana kanaraani gamyaala kaalaanni indra jaalaanni..



మింటికి కాంతిని నేనై, వెన్నెల కూతల మంటను నేనై,
రవినై, శశినై, దివమై, నిశినై
నాతొ నేను సహగమిస్తూ, నాలోనేనే రమిస్తూ
వంటరినై ప్రతి నిమిషం కంటున్నాను నిరంతరం
కిరణాల్ని కిరణాల, హరిణాల్ని, హరిణాల, చరణాల్ని, చరణాల
చలనాన కానరాని గమ్యాల కాలాన్ని, ఇంద్రజాలాన్ని

A really really touching song that brought tears to my eyes when I first saw it!!

For Evil Eyes on LO