Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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May 9, 2009

Dear Daughter - 1

My Little One,

It is tough to believe that it is already a month since you first came into this world. It seems to just be a moment ago that you were taken out of my womb covered in blood and fluids with the cord attached to me. Just typically being me I had mixed feelings at time happy that you were finally out of that confined space covered in body wastes and all in the womb and sad that the cord, the lifeline for you and me, would be cut and you would be an altogether a different individual, a different personality.

All the tension and everything that I had during those nine months just vanished in a moment. The paranoid mother that I am, was glad that you would be cut open as against the normal delivery as that wont be painful for you. The first moment that I saw you was a blank and then ecstatic about the little miracle you were, so tiny and perfect and complete (touchwood) and then sad about the circumstances that you came into this world, all in a ziffy. Then when the nurses brought you to me, me being stitched up, numb from waist below and you sticking your pink tongue out as if to kiss me.. err.. rather lick me. That moment my dear will be etched in my memory for ever and ever and I assure you that the same feeling I had at that time will be there for you as long as I am alive.

This month seems to have gone by just like that, me with routine aches, pains, mood swings, tensions, breast-feeding woes and you struggling to adjust to the noisy, polluted, totally different place than the one you had known so far, my tummy, and your own set of issues like latching, feeding, poop and what not!!!

The initial 10 days passing with me just being a mute spectator watching you with my mom taking care of your feeding and everything else. I was very hesitant to get attached to you for the fear of the time when I get back to work, (now I know how baseless that feeling was). I guess it was more of my missing you than you missing me that scared me and kept me away from you. Then everything gradually fell into place with me finally settling into a peaceful routine with my fears shattered and a new calm that I had almost forgotten for the past 9 months.

I was very nervous and jumpy when we were on our own, me with healing stitches and you a days' baby, but all said and done I am happy with us having settled into a routine and bonding over our individual struggles, you adjusting to world outside and me slipping into the role of caretaker for you, a world with just two of us, getting by with the help of maids. I am glad you are so accommodating and just took everything in your stride and not even stir when so many events were happening around you and just slip into whatever routine I put you through.

I feel helpless seeing you struggle with latching issues and my inability to lactate enough and just do nothing but stare and cry with you when you cry in pain at potty time.

It has been a month and I just cannot remember anything else in my life. It is as if my life has just 2 parts, past one without you and present the one with ONLY YOU.

Love you my darling with everything that I have.

Love,
Amma.

PS: I had this as a draft and was toying with the idea whether or not to post it out in public view, display infront of those who care to drop by but then what the heck, I had been a mamma-baby blog fan ever since I entered this blogging world, more than half my blogroll contains moms and babies and I soo loved reading their posts and experiences and felt good about it, so why not??? though I will not be posting pics.

2 comments:

Ramya said...

Nice write up Sree, I could read your feelings, Its touching....All the best to you both. Enjoy Motherhood.

Kalpana said...

Lovely post for a lovely daughter...

For Evil Eyes on LO