There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Oct 9, 2009

When was the last??

There have been a lot of things happening in my life.. I was thinking about everything else but me all the while. It is so true that once you are a mother, being a mother comes first. Yes, I am still the individual I was before being a mom but right now the whole and sole ruler of my world is the LO.. so much so that I dont remember the last time I saw myself in the mirror. I was cleaning the mirror today and could not recognize myself.. I mean the bloated face, the puffed up eyes, the fat me looking at me in wonder.. I mean okay, you get fat but how come your face is proportionately fat... aawwww... then I do thwak, thwak, thwak and realize that it is almost a year and above since I took time to see my own face.. sad, bad. I see myself but in the pictures with LO not in the mirror per se.. It might seem to be a tiny thing but I was wondering if it is normal??

The other day, I had uploaded a few of my pics in picasa and the first thing people noted in the pic was my smile.. yeah my wholehearted smile/laugh or whatever that very in-demand curve which sets everything straight.. If the first thing the people see is my laugh and not my pretty daughter and comment on it as if it were ages since they saw me doing that.. then there is something really really wrong.

I should stop being so possessive, so obsessive in fact about the kiddo and all that needs to be done for her. I seem to be relaxed, working on something else, but round-the-clock the mind is subconsciously seeing if the kiddo is fine, if her clothes are clean, if her bed is made, if there any insects on the bed, are the bottles clean, is the water warm, is the formula well-stocked, is the stroller in working condition, is the bath water ready.. so so many things.. I have ample of help but still I tend to worry about them as if it were the MUST DO TASKS.. going by this rate, I will no doubt go mad as she grows up.. and by the way, who else thinks I am sane now anyways..

I am a person averse to getting ready, getting ready to me is being presentable, wearing a smile, tidying up a bit, combing hair, good clothes, a bindi on the face.. that is it!! ready to go any place, the only thing would be change in dress.. and even if I take time to get ready, no major difference.. maybe a blingy dress or a blingy jewel. No to lipstick, no to powder, no to anything other than a moisturizer. The only cosmetic I used to use is the nail polish that too to my toes and not the hands and that too if I remember correctly more than a couple of years ago..

so, today I took some time for myself.. cleaned up my face with facewash, massaged my hair with lots and lots of oil, scrubbed my feet clean (aaawww. it has been almost a year since actually sat and scrubbed the entire foot for more than a minute, initially due to not able to bend in pregnancy and now no time to bend ;)), applied a moisturizer (when was the last time I did that, again a year or so), and hold your breath applied the nail color.. looking at my feet, it was like I had them in some other life and not in this one... phew, such a change with such a little time and attention... good, need to do it more often before I myself start doubting my sanity.. and yeah the maid and mom were shocked at me actually looking at the mirror and the image in that critically.

To a reader, this might seem silly but to me it is a great achievement.. a sign that I am getting back on the groove, getting back to being my normal self. No, I cant be the same bubbly and innocent girl/lady I was a couple of years or so ago but am gradually inching backwards and trying to undo the damage done and my life like me is limping back to normalcy.

Good luck to self!!! and on a completely off-key note.. koti kommachi lekapote elaaga manaki ;)... why why why and why the hell did Obama win Nobel Peace Prize... did I miss something somewhere... am I turning into a frog in the well or is the declaration committee or whatever it is hallucinating and seeing visions!!!

1 comment:

Sireesha said...

I understand how you feel. It's a quite natural phase of life. You'll get over it soon.

For Evil Eyes on LO