Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Mar 27, 2009

Bhalira Buddoda!!!

Buddodu adenandi, mana pilla NTR, china NTvodu, or our very own NTR Jr. is one youth icon I am proud to say has some brain in that head of his. Those who know me in person real close know that I have this unconditional love towards fat people (Adnan Sami in his good old days was soooo sweeet), aa range picchi annamata… malli kothi veshalesi topic divert chestunna kada, so naaku mundu ninchi ee pillakayante picchi affection annamaata. I first saw him in one dance program given in DD and then as Rama in Bala Ramayanam movie and then that dumb debut movie of his which I don’t remember.. Subbu.. anukunta and with each exposure, what struck me most was the dedication with which this guy surged ahead with a lot of hard work, amazing talent, and sheer determination undaunted by the non-supporters in the famous so-called first family of AP (Nandamuri clan). I was so upset when he had his liposuction or diet-reduced weight or whatever.. mudduga, bodduga, bandaga unna bandodu bakkodigaa maaripote digest chesukolekapoya. Cheppalante bocchu peekesina kodilaaga tayarayyadu anukunna :((..

But whatever, I simply am awed by him because it is way too difficult to cut a unique image of his own first in films and now in politics and be in a position that the whole family which kept him at bay finally clamors for his attention and help. Hats off buddoda… The way he is out to campaign for TDP, his issue-based criticism and not anything diverted at personal issues of any individual is very very refreshing in this day and age where politics means mudslinging and especially with people like Shoba Rani and Shabbir Ali resorting to personal attacks only personal attacks forgetting what they are actually out to prove.

Bootulu tittadam fashionablega tayarayyina political trendlo freshness teesukuni vacchi mucchataga, mudduga, sudigaalilaaga doosukeltunna pillakayani choostunte mucchatestundi.. kante ilaanti biddani kanaali ani anipinchenta muddostunnadu… Just hope this guy does not ruin himself in this dirty politics but in stead end up like a lotus untouched by the mud around him. I see a spark in him and hope this is put to good use to serve public than any personal agendas.

God bless pillakay and may you have a speedy recovery… oori drushti, naa drushti, anni pogaaka!!

Mar 25, 2009

Speechless...



Somehow news touch your heart like nothing else does and this is one of them. This left me wondering as to my determination and committment to a lot of things in life. I wanted write civils and make my mark in life and not just go on but then I had to put off writing the test this year because the exams are just a month after my due date and I felt it was too less a time for me to recuperate and give my best and I was finding reasons to justify why I had to postpone rather than give it and go about with confidence.

It is one thing to fight the battle alone and withstand and whole another thing to be able to face the consequences of your decisions. The grit and determination that it takes is only what one can imagine. I feel so ashamed of putting off things and feel inspired this young mom (teen mom infact, 15-year-old mom) who is facing all the odds, the opposition from her own family, the inlaws, the husband, the fate and writing the 10th class exam with a 3-day-old infant inspite of all the odds.. Hats off and I will always remember this before I complain!!!

Mar 17, 2009

Baaboo Shabbir... Nee Pani Nuvvu Cheyyavayya

There are many reasons why I hate the politicians who are here in the field just to mint money and show power and do nothing about anything they need to do sigh!!..

First the comments on Renu Desai and Pawan Kalyan, not that I am in anyway supporting pavan's statements or whatever.. ippudu NTR Jr. buddhiga political speeches antey ilaga undaali anukuntoo andaru mucchata padutunna timelo.. valla mother issueni teesukocchi raise cheyyadam enti.. when you cant attack a person in anyway, attack him personally for no fault of his attitude is what I hate the most about this guy!!

If you keep your senses and mind on the task assigned to you as power minister or whatever it would be more beneficial for those of us who suffer in this hot sun!! Do your duty babu.. nuvellu.. vellu... vellu... rota puttinchestunnav asala..

Mar 7, 2009

Mein Aisi Kyun Hoon!!!

There are times when I sit and wonder as to who made me what I am today. I am most unlike both of my parents who gave birth to me or my grandparents who brought me up. I am stubborn and cannot tolerate the bear it and get the work done for now attitude whereas it seems to be the mantra of everyone around me. Why??? Why am I made like this, so unlike those around me and not fit into the mould. Why do I have to struggle to get every word of mine to be even heard let alone considered when I am the one who has to cough up every single penny and take up responsiblity to every one of my needs and deeds. Can one not live in this society without being steps monitored be it by the parents, siblings, spouse, relatives, friends, neighbors and even strangers. Why does one a man not let others live in peace.

Hmmm...

It is hell when a mother time and again points that she is doing a favor on you by staying with you during the most crucial period of your life!!! This attitude time and again reminds us how not be with a child and be stronger to break free from everything and reminds us every time that it is just YOU and only YOU who has take care of yourself..

Mar 5, 2009

Why Why Why???

The worst feeling one can have in this world is a mother who criticizes the child unnecessarily and tries to rub her feelings on the child. I feel that the primary essence of motherhood is to let the child bloom and inculcate the best of manners and good nature as much as possible and not to force the kid to do what you think is best for them. Set aside one's biases and then go about correcting the kid if and only IF the kid is going wrong or being immoral. Constant ridicule and partiality towards a sibling ruins the life of the child.

This is what I learnt from looking at life from close quarters and observing lives of people around me in general and my own in particular. There are times when I am scared if I would just model my life around what I actually hate and end up doing what I fear the most of doing and try constantly not to do. Am I being in the "Me-The Victim" and victimizing the people around me in turn. I dont really know. I dont feel victimized but I feel suffocated and helpless to do anything at this current time when all I need is a tiny bit of control over my life.

What does one say of the mothers who

constantly remind the kid that giving life to them and bringing them up has been the biggest sacrifice of their lives.

constantly belittle one kid infront of the other and other people in general for one's extraordinary achievements.

constantly reminding that it is because of her that we exist as what we are and not as beggers down the street and hence you need to listen to whatever she says.

does not understand what the kid is going through and is just focussed on what is not going right according to her own wishes.

does not hesitate a moment to say that one is the worst possible kid that she could have raised and is ashamed of her brought up.

does not shield the kid from external fears and people but in stead supports the others and join them in ridiculing the kid.

Agreed that the feelings of the kid might not always be right and the mother is always right and has good intentions and motives behind whatever she says or she does. But how will a kid who is yet to know what is what differentiate between what is right and what is wrong understand that is being done for his/her good and not otherwise and is it the kid's fault if the mom suddenly seems to be a monster. Will the kid not feel unloved and unwanted and end up being a rebel. Whose fault is it if the kid turns out to be a rebel. If a kid, with all the pressure buckles and goes on to become a depressed and lonely soul always in search of loving and sense of being wanted and finding it at the wrong places who is at fault, who do we blame. The kid who does all this or the mother who has failed to do her duty and most importantly, how will the tortured soul ever find solace.

Agreed, these are the words NO mother would consciously say to the kid. It is the anger and frustration from her circumstances that is making her say so. But if an elder who is equipped with the world in a lot of ways is unable to cope up with the pressure, is it fair to rub it on the poor kid who knows nothing about anything and looks up to the mother, the first guide, for everything.

I sometimes wonder if I am mad to think about what does not affect me and thinking too much of other's lives and try and figure out what would be the impact on me if it were me, but I just cannot let go of so many thoughts that clutter my mind and my heart goes out for the kid facing all that and feel all the more helpless at not being able to rescue him/her and worst still not even being able to spare time to even try and do something for them.

Me and Nature!!!

I happened to sit and enjoy the nature after a really really long time. I was so much engrossed in my own personal web of activities and thoughts that I almost forgot what the external world is like and there is something very good just around me. The birds that chirp in the morning, the pup that runs like a rabbit in the garden, the crows that try to steal stuff from homes, the beautiful butterflies, the worms, the caterpillers ( I know they are yucky to look at and scary to touch, but watching them from distance is also a lot of fun), the parrots, the buffaloes, the cows, stray dogs, cats, the trees, the leaves... EVERYTHING is so beautiful, the nature provides us with so many gifts that we in the mechanical lifes tend to ignore what is needed the most and stick on to waste stuff like anger, revenge, resolutions, stubbornness. Nature and observing it is the best cure for anything is what I feel.

I had been to the doc and yeah all is well so far (touchwood), so I was at ease after such a long time, mind was free and relaxed for the first time in the past 8 months. With me being in the remote village, there is scheduled power cut from 3 to 6 p.m. everyday and that was what has led me to spend this tranquil time of peace and calm in the back yard of the house watching everything with awe as if for the first time. I have filled my mind with so much of a clutter that it has just stopped accepting anything good and soothing. I need to come out of this total BS and just lie down and enjoy the one month or so left of my peace and serenity. I have to be strong enough to be detached and go through the motions of life at the moment and bounce back stronger and higher, so much so that I am out of reach of all my distractors and just make MY world a better place for me and the kid to live in and pray to the almighty to show me the correct path to lead the life purposefully in THE UNIVERSE he has created.

Mar 1, 2009

Of Weddings and Wastage...

Something which irritates me no end is the lavish spending at the weddings.. I happened to view a couple of wedding galeries just now.. of Vishnu Manchu and Veronica (God knows the correct spelling), and Shiva Balaji. While one was a high profile one with who is who attending and money spent like water, the other seemed like a truly small family affair with a cute bride and the groom looking pleased with each other. Of course, there was happiness in both the couples' faces but somehow I like the radiant Shiva Balaji couple.

I have no right to deny anyone's personal choices or display, but I am really really pissed off with the way money is thrown. With so many people starving and on the roads trying desperately to make both ends meet, cant we share a little of what we have to bring a smile on their face than feed all the already well-fed to the point of obesity crowd!!!!

Coming to that, even I dont have a right to speak about it because I bowed to the pressure too and gave to a wedding grand for my capacity, especially since majority was from my pocket, which evaporated my life savings and a lot more :(((. Had it been used for some genuine cause like child education or health and hygiene provision, I would have been proud of it and my life would have been on a different track altogether.. No use of crying our split milk, but I vow to myself that never again would I indulge in belly-feeding and ego-satisfying business of the so-called society people any longer.

For Evil Eyes on LO