Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Aug 21, 2009

Chiru Chiru... Grow Up!!

These days whenever an issues crops up with the government or opposition they are ready to blame those two dailies namely (Eenadu and Andhra Jyothi). I already have a very very low opinion of the media these days thanks to the overenthusiastic non-news material glorification most of the times leaving aside the original content. There is often so much of distortion involved that it almost always leaves me wondering where we are heading to. If this what is being documented as today’s news what actually are we going to pass on to next generation, the truth, the x-party version, or y-party version.. WHAT???… shhh… ento kaaram tinna kaakilaga nenu kaavu kaavu manadam tappa emi maaratledu.. sigh!!!

When there were rumors that Chiru would be starting a party and when he has finally launched his party after so much of planning, when he started taking the party-jumpers from all parties into his and giving them importance, when he gave the reins of the party to his brother-in-law just like he did with his family and movies, when his supporters, the so-called fans, etc. began to desert him, all the while.. I just had one prediction, this guy just does not have any individuality, he does not have what it takes to be a leader, he might be having best of the political minds slogging in the background, must he just lacks the skill to lead it from the forefront. I might be wrong but the events so far have proved me right.

The person who claimed to take the state by sweep, predicting a single party majority, a replay of NTR’s political entry in the state, could not even win one of the constituencies he contested in. I just doesn’t work that way any longer, the media, the awareness among people, the kind of poly tricks people play are just too much for a newcomer.

I have always thought of Eenadu as a supporter of PRP or at least a person who promoted PRP right from its inception, so this sudden outcry of aa rendu patrikalu is something which is not digestable. I don’t know much truth is there in the headline story of Eenadu.. Jenda Peekeddama. But whatever it is I just fail to understand what the paper is going to get from it or for that matter what even TDP or any other party other than Congress is going to gain anything from it considering the only party which is in a win-win situation from this petty fight is the ruling party.

The downfall of this guy is brought by his own fans and party workers who went berserk attacking anyone and everyone verbally and having that mob mentality with break everything mentality. There was lack of control all over. The pre-planning part and all, the secrecy, the buildup, nothing absolutely nothing could save it from falling flat on its fate…

Even now, it is not too late and rather than extending party-based support in the assembly, try to be good with issue-based support be it govt. or the opposition, go all out for good causes and keep away from distractors. Have that far sight and you will know who benefits the most from such kind of tricks. If you want to serve the people, the best way is to work for their welfare, not get into mudslinging like everyone else…

Cant wait to see what unfolds next on this front…

All I can say Good Luck Common Man!!!!

Can we go for Eco Friendly Ganesha please!!!

Ganesha is a cute little guy I fell in love with since the time I dont even remember. He is my first crush and yeah he still holds that very special place in my heart. This is the first big festival for LO too... after she was born.. in fact, it is the first big festival after Yugaadi in Telugu calender.

Vinayaka Chaviti to me symbolizes a lot of things, the only festival celebrated in my home since childhood. I consciously make an effort celebrate most of the festivals in their true spirit. It is for good beginnings, so let me for a great beginning for the LO and the rest of the world which very much needs his blessings.

What depresses me the most however is the aftermath of this festival, after the immersion, the pollution it causes, the tension it creates in the hearts of people, the traffic jams, the plight of idols after the immersion.. the amount of money wasted on making the biggest, largest, cutest, and whatnot adjectives idols is too much for me to digest.

Forgetting the money aspect, it is the pollution aspect that is really really scary... so as the people conscious of our environment and in order to leave something green and clean for the generation next, why dont we all go for an eco-friendly ganesha this time...

If even a single person changes his/her idea and go for an eco friendly Ganesha because of this post, I would be really really really happy and you would have made my day and in fact my year too!!!..

So, a humble request from me and LO and a whole lot of generation next kids, "please preserve the nature as it was handed it to us, dont ruin it any further than it already has been!!"

The link to prepare a hand-made Ganesha is here.
or
http://parisaraganapati.net/category/videos/page/2/

Aug 20, 2009

Tags after reaal Long :)

Took this up from Art's blog. Something related to books and yeah I am there always sooner or later...

The BBC believes most people will have read only 6 of the 100 books here. How do your reading habits stack up? Share. Instructions: Copy this into your NOTES. Look at the list and put an 'x' after those you have read or bold them up like I did :). Tag other book nerds.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Total: 5

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveler’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
Total: 0


21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
Total: 3

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
Total: 6

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy x
48 The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
Total: 3

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Total: 4

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
69 Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

Total: 2

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Inferno – Dante
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
Total: 1

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
Total: 2

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
Total:2


I have read only 28. I am not a classic book reader, basically anything you lay your hands on types, prefer something lighthearted, fiction mostly... likes of Danielle Steele, Jeffrey Archer, Thomas Cook, John Grisham, Jane Austen type of a reader.. and going into the reality bites only with simple books like The Alchemist, Fish Series, The Present, etc.. you get the gist now :).

So, please feel free to tag yourself and I personally would like to know about Rads and Caps (I know you are not much of a classic reader either but still), so guys here goes a tag for you!!

ME, ME, and Just ME
1.What is your current obsession?
LO.. not just current but I guess my lifelong obsession and for the timebeing making her a little fat!!!

2. What are you wearing today?
An attitude, a smile, and yeah of course the dress.

3. What’s for dinner?
Routine fare with rice, curry, rasam, and curd but an omlette in addition.

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
A Kalanjali veg-dyed wooden toy for the kiddo.

5. What are you listening to right now?
An interview by Abhinaya and her mom in Youtube.. amazing

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?
Sweet and creative.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
In a village, preferably the one where I am right now.. with loads and loads of trees and lots of open space.

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Cotton clothes and mangoes :)

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Nowhere just be with LO.

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Spanish.

11. What’s your favorite quote?
We only live once, so make every moment worth it.

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
None.

13. What is your favorite colour?
All colors cant say one in specific any longer.

14. What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
anything which I can fit in comfortably these days :).

15. What is your dream job?
Working with kids any job, but mostly making their wishes come true.

16. What’s your favorite magazine?
Reader's Digest.

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Hmmmm... give a sumptuous meal to underprivileged kids.

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Wearing anything without a smile.

19. Who are your style icons?
Amala.

20. Describe your personal style.?
Simple and comfort-based.

21. What are you going to do after this?
Cuddle and kiss LO and go to sleep.

22. What are your favorite movies?
Hmmm... got a lot of them but most recent one I saw and loved was Aakaasamantha.

24. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can’t live without?
Nothing really... not much of a cosmetic person.

23. What inspires you?
Life.

24. What do you carry in your bag?
Some money, cards, cell, tissues, bindis, and usually some clutter which has piled since the time it was cleaned.

25. What do you do when you "have nothing to wear" (even though your closet’s packed)?
I guess maybe go and buy something.

26.Coffeee or tea?
Nothing but given a choice between only these two.. coffee.. i just love the smell of good coffee. I dont like the Starbucks or Coffee Day types, fresh homemade coffee.. Nescafe preferably.

27. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Listen to Lalita Sahasranamam...

28. What is the meaning of your name?
Saraswati, lakshmi, and good girl.. I have quite a long name..

29. Which other blogs you love visiting?
Check out my blogroll.

30. Favorite Season ?
Every season has a reason so love them all...

Please feel free to take it up!!! and Caps you know the drill DO IT!!!

Aug 18, 2009

Ennalani Daaguntaave Paina!!!

Yeah you guessed it right, am talking to Mr. Vaana Rao adenandi mana rain God.

It has been a reaaaaaaaaaal long summer this time.... Rohini Karthe is supposed to be the hottest time of the year when there would be heat like nothing before that year.. rohini kaartheki rollu kooda baddalaipotay antaaru. It is bhaadrapadam now and still it continues, I felt the summer this year was actually cooler than now..phew!!. I am yet to see a good rain this year. I love it when it rains.. the leaves that have gathered dust and look otherwise listless on trees now have that green hue which makes it worth watching, the hot road under the feet giving way to a cool touch, the canals filled with water, the wells full of it. I used to hate to go out in rains because of the stench and mosquitoes and all that at one time but now I dont mind anything, ANYTHING for rains. As I said, I stay in a village now, very close to nature, very close to the annadaata the farmer and see how people wait for each season and how each season has its own unique flavor in their lives. It disheartens me to see them wait day in and day out for rains so that the crops grow well. It is already a high-time with the raise in food-grain prices and all that going around that there is some decent amount of rain..

For a city brought-up individual rains meant nothing but fun and mess to me... now, when I see lives depend on it and how, it does feel different..

The drought-like situation in the state is really really disheartening. I live in Krishna basin, so I hear that things are a little better because of it being the rice-bowl and with water being released here but when I see the newspaper of the wilted trees and parched land elsewhere I feel like crying...

No greenery everywhere..
No grass for cattle, hence the scarcity for milk, the first time I am hearing about this in my life!!!
No water for daily needs... people waiting for hours to get a bucket of water to use for daily ablutions.
No drinking water.. people standing in queues and fighting at taps for a potful of water, the safety of which is doubtful.
No power because of dried up reservoirs and river basins...

and finally when it rains a little after so much of wait, we have no way that they are managed well, nothing like water irrigation plans in place. With no contingency plans in the drought-like situation in place, with no way of being ready for sudden downpour with non-existent drainage system, I wonder what the govt. is doing other than making the most silliest comments.

The ever-ready cartoons of the state, yeah, you heard it right the cartoons called the ministers and the opposition are busy blaming each other... I dont know what else to call them when a responsible chief minister of the state give a funny reason for no rains. "It seems the rain god got scared that Maha Kootami might form the govt. and went back without giving rains." Every time I hear any comment by them I feel they cant get any worse and to my astonishment they do their best and leave my mouth gaping open... why do people still believe these cartoons!!!!Grrrr...

Finally, read an article in Eenadu the other day, the Sunday supplement about a place called Hiware Bazaar (check the link) in Maharashtra, supposedly an ideal village which now tops my list of MUST-SEE places. Can I ever make such a difference to my village, I know I can but WHEN is the question that haunts me..... if at least one person takes an oath and sincere determination our India will become a gold mine that it was :).

Aug 16, 2009

Frisk(y) Factor!!

This post is a long pending one, had wanted to post on this issue quite a few days ago when Mr. Kalaam was frisked at the airport. Seriously, I do not understand what the hue and cry is all about. This is an issue which was happening all the while. I have seen people being called out of lanes in the security check area and taken for questioning. I have seen people being checked out for hours even before giving the boarding pass just because they belong to a particular religion. Why has not the government bothered at all when such things were brought to notice.

I have every respect for the great man Mr. Kalaam is and it becomes multifold the way he handled the issue that happened to him in his motherland where he held the highest office of the nation. He did not react, he took it normally even when the whole nation made a hue and cry about it and that died the natural way without him adding fuel to the fire. I dont agree with the fact that people are randomly checked out based on the "religion" factor for no fault of theirs. I very well understand that not just US or UK but maybe the whole non-Islamic world is wary of them because of the unfortunate events that shook the world and are unfortunately now deemed a threat to world peace, but is singling out innocent individuals and putting them through this type of a drill warranted for no fault of theirs. Is just belonging to one group such a huge issue that you are treated differently from the rest of us.

I agree that giving diplomatic cover and letting them go without a check at the terminal is not safe.. whatif that particular VIP exempted out of the security check is under a blackmail and had to something unwanted and put the entire unit under threat. I dont agree with NO-CHECK AT ALL thing. When I am subjected to a check as a common man, so is the other person even if he comes under the VVVVIP cadre. In fact, it is a must to check each and every individual the same not just a particular group, be it the current President of United States or a common man.

I dont like it when a common man is strip checked or detained just the same when the celebrity is. If Shahrukh is pissed off with his mighty mighty connections what about a common man do other than just silently go through it all.. and yes, Shahrukh refusing to seek apology from US is funny, I seriously doubt if they will ever do that and even if they do, they need to tender an apology to every person singled out on the same rationale not just Mr. Khan.

Coming to politicizing things, Indians come first as usual.. Ambica Soni saying that they can do the same to the US guys.. come on, grow up.. fight the issue.. not tit for tat.. we are not kids!!!

Dear Daughter - 4

Dear LO:

This is the first time the letter has arrived way too late from your monthly birthday. Sorry my LO, I had been really really busy doing nothing in specific but down with fever first, then your outdoor activities have increased a lot and I have to plan them a lot which eats up all the time..

I just cant stop wondering each and every month as to how time flies and how I still feel like carrying you and you seem to be growing leaps and bounds each day (touchwood).. You are no longer the tiny tiny delicate petal that has come out of amma's womb, you are now gradually blooming into a bud that gives amma eternal joy and peace, a calm soothing balm to her soul that no one can ever provide.

This month comes in with you recognizing me and everyone in general and responding to each person individually in your own signature style. More sounds from you and more sounds that you recognize as well. You have a new game every other day and play it no end, like blowing bubbles is your latest.. you bring out all the saliva from God knows where and then make those bubbles in the mouth and blow. You put out so much of water in that game that I am seriously getting worried about you get dehydrated.. sigh!!!

We are through with your vaccines for now and the only needle piercing you would be in your 9th month. It came as a surprise to me as well as the doctor when you cried a bit and then silently kept sobbing like an elder person would do minutes after the vaccine. I loved you soo much when you did that (now comeon dont jump to conclusion that amma loves it when you cry or dont even dare to use it as a tool on her ever ;) ).

We have had so many milestones this month like you recognizing people, responding to them, cooing, trying to roll over, etc. You are still the wonderful angel and give me that space I crave for but you need me all the time.. if not near you, in your vicinity at least, popping in once in a while to look at you or play our silly games cuddling and kissing and licking with jungle wild cries from both of us. I am thankful time and again that we stay in such a big house with no neighbors to listen to the noise that comes from here ;).

I have recognized in you the need to be ensconced in the nest of affection from me and people in general, you love it when there are people around you, you squeal at them, you touch them gently on their faces, you kick them softly, or throw your arms indicating that you want to be lifted up or taken out.. I am grateful that you are a people's person and pray and wish and hope that you remain so. I so hate it when kids get clingy. I want you to trust people and go to them.. there is a lot of time to grow wary of people when you grow up but for now just dont lose that innocent bliss and spread your cheer and happiness to everyone near you.

The world out there can be really really bad but for now enjoy it all you can when you still can...

I love you LO, every single moment I lay my eyes on you, I fall head over heals in love with you. If anyone ever said that to me, I would have wondered if that was possible but now that I do, I know it is possible. You fill my otherwise empty and meaningless life with a lot of challenges and happiness and a strong purpose to look ahead. You throw me a challenge in the sense, you are so mouldable and vulnerable and it is my duty to guide you and groom you and get you ready for the world. It is up to me to make you an individual who strives to give out something for the world we are born in rather than anticipate what the world gives us.

Initially all my life I felt I could relax and have loads of joy when I have a kid. When I got married, all I could dream was of you and a happy family life. When I got pregnant, I was feeling that that is the most crucial phase, to get you out in to this world healthy. When I saw you in my hands, I felt how fragile you were and not the earlier one but now is the crucial phase to handle you at that time. When you are grown up enough where you are not so fragile there are so many things that make this phase seem even more crucial, so I guess this trend is going to be a never ending one as long as I live.

But, I promise you again LO that I will just be involved in your life as much as you need me and never ever interfere. If I ever tend to do that, just show me these letters, will you??

Love you more than my life..

As you complete 4 months and enter the 5th month...
Amma...

Aug 9, 2009

Bhaga Bhaga... Pappula Manta :((

Nope I am not talking about the weather condition these days. It is hot and I feel like using all the adjectives sala sala, mala mala, bhaga bhaga, etc. but more than the heat generated by Mr. Surya Rao (adenandi mana Suri gaadu alias Suryudu) it is the heat generated by the day-to-day-use commodity price rise.. Kandipappu (red gram), pesara pappu (green gram) and whatever edible grams are now very much the rich-man food category... I remember the days when people used to ask "pappannam eppudu pedatav?" (when will you feed us daal rice, implying the wedding meal) now I guess that would be changed and maybe they would ask "utti annam eppudu."

I have come here, back to India, back in July 2008 and if the prices at that time have given me a shocker at that time, the ones now would have directly given me a heart attack. Baapre.. what the hell... the only thing that is stopping me from breaking into pucca naatu titlu (village abuses) is the resolution that I wont be using those expletives before the LO. I was offered a sum of some ** K rs/- a month back in September which I could not take up because of the pregnancy related issues and I am still offered the same whenever I join back but the prices have doubled since then. So, if I, who can afford a comfortably well-off even luxurious lifestyle along with the kiddo thinks twice and blinks 'n' number of times at the scanner or near the shelves I just dont dare to imagine the plight of the lesser privileged. An example for that is Red gram which used to cost 54 rs/- back in January 2009 and and now the very same commodity costs me 115/- per Kg (blink blink blink.. dhab). The same holds good for other pulses and rice which used to cost 30/- is somewhere around 40 plus. So, if the Govt. says that the rice is costing higher because people are eating thin rice more, WTH, it is like Bush saying prices are high because Indians eat good food (@#$%).

I have been staying in village for quite some time now and know how the people live, can you imagine the govt. sanctions a pension of 200 rs/- per month for old people and 500 rs/- for handicapped and gives 4 kgs rice at the cost of 2 rs/-, 1/2 kg daal at the price of 45/-, 1/2 to 1 kg sugar at 18/- per kg, along with kerosene for 10/- for white card holders.. so I am still at loss as to how they can afford the current bill, the vegetables, oil and the remaining groceries in that 200/-. I see people working as farm laborers twice a year.. maybe earning 5K at the max each time, so how can one imagine to live on mere 10K per person (mind you this is only able people who can work and earn and support the others, kids, old people, disabled) per year.

There is talk of free power.. but where the hell is power for you guys to charge anything... I stay near a mandal head quarter and still have at least 6 hrs. per day of cut and not to mention the cuts with wind and rain and even accidents. Thank God for the small mercies like an inverter with 8 to 10-hr. backup which comes to the rescue with the LO. I am sure LO isnt the only kid in the village and there are a lot of others experiencing this damn heat with not even a fan all times of the day and night accompanied by the mosquito menace.

I can go on and on and on about what needs to be done but I guess the govt. and the opposition is yet to wake up and see what to do. It has time to go after Ramoji for each and every reason, it has to time to do high drama in the assembly, blaming each other in general and doing nothing about anything in particular. If I say I am pissed off, it is very small thing to say.. when i see the govt. school kids eat the lump they call rice in water they call curry my blood boils and there is not a day when I just feel helpless and as they say... asamardhudiki kekalekkuva, I keep yelling at them all in my mind.. God give me the power to do something or give everyone equal opportunities.. I want the world to be a better place not just for LO but for every kid on this planet and elsewhere if the life exists.

Aug 6, 2009

Bobby to me... Maama to LO.. we both love you to bits!!!!

Well, it is a bit delayed post but I had been feeling really really lazy these days and hardly get any time after playing with the LO, yeah she is still the angel who gives me my personal time and space but I am drained out too much to be a regular here because of the fever that I am still recuperating from...

This one is for you dear bro...

I love you for being you nothing more and nothing less.

If there is anyone who can understand me for what I am, know how I feel for what, and empathize with me for being me, it is you. I have always loved you very dearly and you have given me back the same. Though we had our priorities, we had our life struggles, and fought like cats and dogs and even decided not to talk to each other ever in our lives, it is ultimately both of us who share the ups and downs of our lives when time and circumstances demand and God knows how thankful I am to have you by my side at the time which can be called the truest testing period of my life.

I feel safe with you because you dont doubt my past as you are a part of it from the first breath you have taken, you dont judge me and let me be, you understand me at times maybe way more than I do myself. Though each of us have our own lives we are a part of each other not just merely by words but by blood and genes. We did not choose each other but as usual God has given me the best without even asking.

I hated you for so many things when I was not mature enough, hated the way you were, hated the way you thought, hated the way you were laid back, hated the way mom always gives me that step-mom treatment when it comes to both of us but I am really ashamed of doing that now. But now I know, you had nothing to do with it, you were just as insecure as I was, just going through the same turmoil but expressing it out in a different way. While I was trying to hush up my frustrations by immersing myself in work you did it with studies.

Being a mom has taught me to look at things in a different perspective, not mine but others. I still have some grudges against a few people but I guess gradually I will come to peace with that too but for now I am taking life by the moment. All I have left for you gratefulness, love, and caring concern.

Honestly, I used to feel that I have done a lot of things for keeping the family together and all that blah blah blah and also had that feeling that you have just taken advantage of me and left in a lurch when I needed you once I got married. I forgot the way you stood by me in each and every decision I made in life, you scrutinized the people who wanted to share the life with me or have close rapport with me, you did things but I conveniently blamed you for being senseless.. I know you have forgiven me for that and yeah I also know now that we dont have to say sorry or thanks but genetically God has gives us each other to hold on to when everything else seems bleak.

You have fulfilled your duties by standing by me when I picked up my life partner, gave me my space and time when I was dealing with my issues, intervened and did your best when I came to you not even hesitating to take all the blame on you and shielding me from everything.. Love you dear for all that you did and yeah I am indebted to you for the rest of my life for seeing me through the toughest journey of my life and being the pillar of strength.. you are my rock of Gibraltar and I know I can die peacefully even at this moment knowing that LO would be as safe 'cos you love her as much as I do and will move earth and sky to make things work for her. If anyone can love her as much as her parents, it is YOU.

Love you... just cant forget those little lucy days and the way you used to run behind me.. you are still my little brother but you have grown way beyond my expectations. I will be there for you no matter what.

PS: I could have written you a personal mail but like everything else that I publish here, I am proud of you and want that to be known and also I know that you wont mind this public display of love or spilling out my feelings without being judgmental.

Hellooo..

The fact that I have a blog and love flaunting the readership stats means that I love and cherish it and love it all the more when people comment on it. There have been instances when I made a few good friends to talk to and share a lot of things in person too and there also have been instances where people pissed me off with misunderstandings. There have been a few moments which left a bad taste in my mouth like the comments of OH regarding the content on the blog and all that but no matter what I kept writing, pouring out my feelings, just blabbering, lurking, delurking and a lot of things. There also have been moments where people liked the way I express myself and want to be friends with me for what I express on the blog. To say it is all common, it does not effect me and all, I would be lying, I am flattered when people do open up with me.. so one such instance has happened recently where a person stumbled on my blog searching for jola paatalu and ended up liking the blog itself and wanted to be friends with me.. so this is for that person, thank you for considering me worth your friendship and hey you forgot to mention your mail id, so send it to me in the comment.

I blog anonymously but a lot of people who know me also know that I have a blog and some do follow it up religiously and some do random hopping. Other than that, there are a few people who know what I am, where I am but havent seen me in person.. so in a way anonymity is only for the fear of any messy issues and also it gives us the cover blanket to express our feelings without the fear of being judged in person..

So dear friend, this post is because I cant reply back to your kind words of appreciation in person.... and yeah, before I forget you made my day :).

For Evil Eyes on LO