Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Sep 30, 2009

?????.. enduku, why, kyun??

Sex, the dictionary says, means the state of being either male or female/the properties that distinguish organisms on the basis of their reproductive roles
and/or
activities associated with sexual intercourse

Gender -- the physical and/or social condition of being male or female.

What I fail to understand is why use the term sex instead of gender in all the forms. why??? why???

In a nation where speaking about sex in open is a taboo, other than in the context of gender, why?????

on that note.. if just talking about it is a taboo then why is the population burst???????

Sep 25, 2009

Ayyo Paapam :(

Staying in a village for this long a stretch in my adult life is the first time.. It has nearly been a year and all year round I have been getting to know a whole lot of things about climate, people, village every other day.. each day has been a new learning day, most of the times making me want to stay in the village for ever and ever.

I have been witness to a lot of events, both good and bad. I stay in a house where me and LO happen to cohabit with a lot of other creeping and crawling creatures of God.. you got it right, snakes, lizards, chameleons, centipedes, millipedes, caterpillars, butterflies, toonegalu, houseflies, and sometimes (polaallo kotalu unde timelo) mosquitoes, scorpions, birds of various species (crows, sparrows, pigeons, woodpeckers, bluebirds, parrots.. inka Englishlo raani perlu gorinkalu, neeti kaakulu, kongalu, teetuvu pittalu) and yeah how I can forget the stray dogs along with the pet dogs, buffaloes, cows, ducks, hens, cocks, chicks, goats, lambs and sometimes visited by monkeys and mongoose too.. sigh!!!! population burst I guess :(. It is good in one way that we respect each others privacy and stay away from each other and try to live happily ever after.

Usually if we happen to see a snake in the yard, we just ignore.. but if it comes on the varendah or balcony area then that becomes its last journey. I was born in this place, never saw a snake but after LO I have seen quite a few of them and in fact very recently a few baby snakes got killed.. 3 to be precise by venturing into our territory :(((((... with the baby, no one wanted to take chances despite my pleas and yeah they were of a poisonous breed.

... and yeah how can I forget those various species of black and red ants that seem to crop up from nowhere if a sweet item or even a sugar cube is allowed unattended :((.... and LO has been their target more than once, so I now resort to using gamaxine powder and killing them and closing the anthill when any of us happen to see one.. :((

Now my latest target is the caterpillers (gongali purugulu)... the eeks creatures which turn into beautiful butterflies later on. If they happen to fall on the body, their fur is so stingy that it hurts a lot.. now is the season of the caterpillars and everywhere I see I can find one.. so my duty these days is to watch out the walls, bed posts, and swing and kill if anything happens to be there.. :(( ayyo ayyo ayyo... feel so bad, but after experiencing the sting myself a few times I cant risk putting LO through it and hence the killing spree so much so that any insect within 10 mts. of the house gets killed lest it enters the house/bed/swing :(((.. sorry guys and may your souls rest in peace and sorry dear butterflies for killing your future buddies, I have no choice. I tried to tell them not to come into the house, tried shifting the bed into the center of the room, tried shooing them away but they obviously dont understand my language...

RIP :((((

Sep 24, 2009

Oo Baatasaari...

The one thing that happens to be an eye opener or a touch with reality of sorts is waiting in the bus-stand or railway station or traveling in one. Of late, I have been missing this a lot.. the real people that is.. autos, cars, flights these are the culprits.. with my inability to walk longer distances and then due to the fact that I have a phobia or immense fear that someone will trample my feet (your foot needs to be almost crushed to pulp by some high-heel pointed footwear to come to that stage I guess). Well, whatever the point.. my going to US, then coming back, getting pregnant, then with the baby initially I have missed the journey like a common man. I am not rich, I cant afford a car every time I go out but I don't hesitate a moment to take the LO out in the car, at least until the time she turns one year old... shhh.. there I digress but that is what I do all the time na!

Okay, coming to the point, I have been traveling much to Vijayawada of late, for some reason or the other, my system repair, my personal doctor visit, shopping for LO, some office-related work, something or the other and I am preferring the palle-velugu bus or the erra-bus to go there and come back. It is indeed refreshing.. the wait in the bus stand, the standing journey, the sitting journey everything.. people from all walks of life, eager to reach destinations, some happy faces, some sad ones, some chatterboxes, some sleepyheads, some peeping toms, some scaring the shit out of staring and staring, some healthy, some ill, people chewing khaini, some smoking and spitting... it is a different world altogether, a touch of reality which I had been lacking all the while. TV, books, radio nothing brings you closer to people like these places do.

I hate people spitting on roads, hate no-traffic control, hate animals roaming on the streets, hate the pits dug on the roads, the dust that flies, the stink that arises but then that is how the people out here are. Just sitting, hating, and passing comments certainly wont help the situation. Can I do something to bring awareness among people, will I be treated as weirdo for attempting to do, there has to be a beginning right!! I feel tired after the journey but content and happy meeting real people, chatting up with those who are bored and want to strike a conversation.. soaking up the sweat smell (yuccky!!!), the stink, the dirt, the swearing words flying around, the blaring music on the streets. I feel alive, I feel thankful for being healthy, I feel good to be one among the lot, I feel good overall and it feels like a celebration of being alive after one of those journeys..

I know I am getting too senti these days but I count my blessings for being able to afford a little luxury of a car, even if hired to take the kiddo when I see days babies being lugged around in hot sun, mothers standing, struggling to feed them on the roads,... I wish I can do something for the baby and the mom but then as usual I just feel the pain and get going. When will I be able to put any concrete action plan to all my thoughts??????

Sep 23, 2009

Can You Do This???

Got to know this today.. a mix-up in which an IVF embryo was mistakenly implanted in another woman's womb... :(((... scary thought which has actually happened in their case :(( and to my astonishment the couple have decided to give the baby to the original parents which I think needs tremendous courage and a really really really large heart.. I would have surely murdered the guy/girl responsible for the mix-up.. hats off to the couple and what is your take on this.. would you have done this???

http://amfix.blogs.cnn.com/2009/09/22/mother-given-wrong-embryo-in-ivf-mix-up/

Sep 22, 2009

Swathi... Kothi Kommacchi!!

This is one name which I happen to like.. the reason being simple I like almost all the names that just have 2 or 2.5 alphabets in Telugu script. This name to me means quite a few things, a couple of people who have an influence in my life have this name and they are both pleasant and happy-go-lucky individuals.. sare sare malli koti kommacchilu vestunna kada, topicloki vastunna...

Swathi is one Telugu weekly magazine I have know exists from a long time. When I was a kid I used to read cartoons and "ee seershika meedey" at the end and the rest all seemed to be adult content, the pics, the stories, the serials.. ee vaaram sarasamaina kada, sukha samsaaram, gatra gatra which were strictly off-reads at that age.. in adolescence out of curiosity more than anything else, used to have a peek into the contents once in a while. All in all, I used to feel it is a book not meant for the whole family but for adults only. This impression of mine is gradually eliminated from the time I have come back to India. This to me is a wholesome entertainer... strange how perceptions keep changing.. love reading it back to back now.. it has something in store for all age groups, awesome book.

The features that I like the most are Koti Kommacchi by Bapu and Ramana, cartoons by Bapu, Ladies Club, Anil Swathi (kids corner), Nannu Adagandi by Malathi Chandoor, and the experiences of an IAS officer, ee seershika meede.. cover to cover chadivese complete book idi... Vemuri Balaram gariki hatsoff :)... nice articles and great job!!

Sep 20, 2009

You Know You are Growing Old..

When the people whom you have grown up seeing, idolizing, and/or hating gradually start to vanish from this planet leaving a void. Of late, there have been a lot of such incidents and I have been way too busy or way too sad to delve on them individually but I think I can do it a little less emotionally now that it has been a long time.

There are a lot of deaths and births any given moment, even as I type out this both these things happen but the ones that really touch me or have a direct impact on my life are very far and scattered and God only knows how thankful I am about that. But there are a few people whose life though does not have any link whatsoever to ours on a one-to-one basis has a profound impact on what we turn out to be, what we grow up to be, or what you we want to be, like I say.. love them or hate them but cant ignore them types.

Michael Jackson is one such personality, a lot has been written about him, his life, his eccentricity, his death.. in fact sooo much that there is information overload. To me, a girl who grew up in a small town who comes from a conservative background and a family full of non-English speakers, to chance upon this guy and his music is like very very remote, but I did. I still remember the day I saw him on TV, the madness, the MJ mania, the people crying and screaming to get a glimpse of him. To my small mind, it was.. what the hell, why is there "mass crying" going on and why is that guy shaking like he just got attached to a live current wire and what is that hair.. and wait, is he a guy or a girl??? So many questions to my mom and she drew a blank, then came my info-gathering session and the more I knew about him, the more I began to like him. He, to me, is/was an enigma. I loved his music, not love at first sight... err.. first sound but his music gradually grew on me as I continued listening to it.. the rebel in me liked They Don't Really Care About Us and the human being inside me liked Heal The World..

Skin head, dead head..
Everybody gone bad
Situation, aggravation
Everybody allegation
In the suite, on the news
Everybody dog food
Bang bang, shot dead
Everybody's gone mad... All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us... All I wanna say is that they don't really care about us

Beat me, hate me
You can never break me
Will me, thrill me
You can never kill me
Jew me, Sue me
Everybody do me
Kick me, Kike me
Don't you black or white me

Heal The World
There's a place in your heart..and I know that it is Love
And this place could be much brighter than tomorrow
And if you really try, you'll find there's no need to cry
In this place you'll feel there is no hurt or sorrow.. 'cos

there are ways to get there.. if you care enough for the living
make a little space, make a better place..

Heal The World.. make it a better place.. for you and for me and for the entire human race
There are people dying... If you care enough for the living, make a better place...

These are the lyrics that in some way defined the way I turned out to be a rebel with a soft corner, well that is how I want to call myself at this point..

I hated the way he had to leave the world though, so many controversies, the stories about his life, the way he turned from a man to a different species altogether, the number of times his face was under a knife, the way he changed from black to white, the way he ran away from self, from reality, from everything sane. It is really really unfortunate that the man who has given a perspective to a lot of people like me with his lyrics and performances across the world was such a loner in his life and had issues which ultimately claimed his life. Whatever his weaknesses were, whatever the allegations were, I just cant deny the way he touched so many lives and just hope he finds in the other world, what he was so badly trying to get in his lifetime.. self-approval... a relentless pursuit to become someone else who even he was not sure of and wish he at least now has a peaceful moonwalk with the almighty!!! RIP Mikey.. miss you.. LO missed you but I will make sure she knows you through my eyes and views...

Sep 9, 2009

09-09-09

A day with numeric significance in calender, a day with all 9s. With 9 being my lucky number, it has all the more significance to me.

I was born on 18th April and the LO on 9th and this makes it the day she enters 6 months, yet another reason the day so precious...

Happy birthday kiddo... love you loads.

Sep 8, 2009

Dear Daughter - 5


Dearest LO:

This has been the most eventful month in your life. You have given me enormous pleasure just by giving that angelic smile of yours but at the same time I must say I have not been as good a mother, me being busy with office work, extra-curricular activities (which I seriously need to cut down) and yeah limit the net-time too, which I promise myself would mostly certainly do.

This month was a beginning of so many festivals and so many milestones. The month began with you flipping over on your 5th month birthday and making a huge fuss about it yelling and screaming making sure everyone in the vicinity got to see the milestone and shower you with blessings.

Then came your introduction to solids gradually with just a pinch of solid, mashed stuff, which is supposed to be the first steps for your lifelong eating habits. I just pray and hope that you dont turn out to be a fussy eater, you value what is in your plate, you do not waste even a single grain of rice, you understand the importance of sharing what you have with others and never turn away a person hungry at any time, never throw tantrums at food, and also strive to fill as many plates as you can (I know I am asking for too much but this is what I want you to do from the bottom of my heart, but again no force).

We have had so many festivals and events that you were an active part of much to my delight. The Janmashtami wherein you put your tiny tiny feet with rice flour, just to be washed away in moments with a stormy rain but I am glad it did rain after a long wait. Loved you my li'l Krishna to bits, just hope you be as naughty and as bright as he was in his childhood.

Then came the Independence day, where we attended the flag-hoisting at a local school and dived into the festive spirit and indulged in that happy moment of being true-blue Indians, I wish you love your nation as much as you love me (I will assume you do love me for my satisfaction okay, no force.. you decide) and even more and strive to be worthy of it. Rather than being a cribbing Indian like your mom (yours truly) do something actively and bring the motherland a lot of pride (high hopes but again nothing wrong). Share what you have with the underprivileged and feel happy for what you have than crib what others have. We made a small beginning with goody box sharing with local school kids, whose blessing dear LO are more than anyone can shower on you and the glint in their eye will always remain with me. I can just pray you continue this tradition throughout. No point giving parties for celebration for those who already have a lot and who will never understand the worth of a filled stomach or the hunger in an empty stomach. Just feed the needy and God will feed you and give you more strength to do so. I know I am expecting too much and rubbing my feelings already on you saying that you are free to do whatever you want..

Then the most critical moment, the ear piercing, the time when I had to decide yes or no. Lots of opinions were the sooner the better including the doc's so went ahead and got it done. This one is something which I am still under dilemma as to what is done is right or wrong. I know being a girl you would just love having those dangling things on your ears and I dont want you to feel that pain when you are older and the skin becomes more taut.. now you are not aware of pulling at your ears, so I went ahead and got it done with a heavy heart. I want only the best for you dear and I promise that this is the last decision that I will take without your consent on your body for beautification. When you are fussy because of teething issues, it makes me feel guilty, maybe the ear is stinging but no your smile and angry biting again soothes my soul...

So much happening so soon and I honestly dont want you to grow this fast.. I already am counting my blessings and wondering how long this first-saga would last with you rapidly crossing all the firsts... I want to cherish each moment all the more and yeah more than any one's evil eyes, it is my nazar that you are getting :(((((((((... need to keep a tab on that. In my eagerness not to let go of a single moment, I am always stuck to you, maybe others are right.. i shouldnt.. well anything for your well-being..

Love you kiddo..

Be a source of joy not just to me, but everyone in contact you... spread it across!!!

Crazy and Mad About You
Amma.

If this doesnt need a kala-tika whatelse does...

Sep 7, 2009

Lessons Learned


Okay, here goes me ga-ga'ing over YS again. So, I have a lot of things that I have learned from him or rather his untimely death. I never gave a second glance as to what he was, just saw the other side of the coin with one irritating battle with CBN. Let me put it this way, I was blinded.

Maybe this has realization has dawned on me because of his gruesome end or maybe it would have eventually in any way. There are a lot of deaths that have affected me in a lots of ways. To begin with my ammamma's... the one I had been a close witness to and only after that do I go forward and look at learning lessons from a life lead than think about anything else. It taught me lessons to last for a lifetime. Unless we experience that kind of a sorrow, we can just say we empathize with the one's who had lost a dear one but wouldn't actually know.

So, what is it that I have actually learned.

Friendship. To stand for the friends, the value he had placed in friends and the friends had in him. The site of KVP paying a silent tribute to him for a while taught me a lot about friendship than a lot of epics put together.

Service to Mother Land. The way he developed the land he was born in. If it is ever possible to pay off debt to the mother land we are born to (not that it is even thinkable) then he had done it completely. The consideration that the district he was born into to be renamed as YSR district does not come as a surprise.

The sheer determination to do paadayatra and get the pulse of the voter to regain back the confidence that Congress has lost in masses of AP singlehandedly is awesome. He just did not crib and crave for posts from high-command, he worked his way through it.

The leadership skill, the way he kept opposition within the party in control is just awesome. The way he had maintained relationships with center and within the state. Doing things the way he wanted by being subservient to the center and giving an impression that he is acting per their commands but actually making them work in his way.. it is simply awesome.. He did a lot of things on his own but all he did was add on a tag of Rajiv or Indira to everything and make center look good too. The people managing skills.. SUPER!!!

and lastly most importantly, indifference, the way he was so thick-skinned to so many allegations against him. I am usually hurt really fast and one thing I cannot tolerate is people blaming me pointlessly. I have the guts to do whatever I do and accept it publicly, so no beating around the bush but still there are people who want to resort to mudslinging.. this is the time when my bumper hot-temper comes into picture.. NOTHING absolutely nothing can stop me from blasting that person who I think had been unreasonable. I get mad to the point of NO-REASON at times. For the first time, his death made me realize what he must have faced throughout his life day in and day out, people watching life through a microscope, blaming him, praising him, capturing whatever they want to of him and not the actual him but he just kept on working towards his own goal and nothing really bothered him or even if it did, he did not show... I just need to learn to be cool from him. I dont think he was like this from outset, but if he could do, so can I.

Sep 6, 2009

Caste.. err.. What is That???

How do we form an opinion in general.

I used to listen to people talk about a lot of things and thus form an opinion.. yeah, that is how I used to form my opinion when there was no concept of self-learning, when I was small, when I could understand things but not in depth. Gather facts or gossips from the elders around me and then sieve out what I did not like and retain what I did and form an entirely new and my very own opinion on things. This just did not limit to general stuff but also politics. I come from a family where my father was on and off into BJP and TDP and maternal side family was into Congress.

No matter how much we might deny the fact but caste-system is deep rooted in our political scenario. Underlying ground work is done by grass-root workers siting the caste, it is disgusting but it is true. Superficially, they might deny even acknowledging the term or behave as if using the term caste is a sin but deep within that is the only criteria..

To me, even today
TDP, NTR, Kamma are synonymous
Congress, Gandhi Family, Reddy are synonymous
and the brand new entrant
PRP, Chiru, Kaapu is no exception.

So, what is the criteria for selecting or supporting people in a party, not efficiency, not experience but the money power and of course the caste he belongs to.

It hurts me to listen to opinions flying left, right, and center after the CM's untimely death and the choice of a successor. I am not a Rosaiah supporter but no denying he is a veteran and very capable one at that but the fact that his caste is against him or the majority opinion being that is something which says about the unfortunate condition that we are in.

There is no denying that politics is an integral part of idle conversation in AP or maybe whatever place it is... it is good to hear people airing their views so actively but hearing to such things I feel when will we grow, when will we change our status form a developing nation to a developed nation.. not as long as we select our leaders based on caste or money power.. only when we get the right person to do the job based on his capability and nothing else.. Isnt that a distant dream as of now. Hope the younger blood tries to wipe it out sooner or later.

Sep 5, 2009

Chukkallokekkinaadu Chakkanodu


I have never heard this song before YSR's untimely death. The channels have been airing this song all the while along with a few others but this one seemed to be suiting him the most, and touched me to the core.. just loved it

Movie: Gemini.

Singer: Vandemaataram Srinivas..


Chukkallokekkinaadu chakkanodu, eppatiki evvariki chikkanodu.

Talladilli potundi talli annadi.. bottu raalchukuntundi kattukunnadi.

Paade ettadaanike snehamannadi.. korivi pettadaanike koduku unnadi. !!chukkallo!!


Poyinodu ika raadu, evadikevadu todu.. unnavaadu poyinodi gurutu niluputaadu

Nuvvu tinna manneraa ninnu tinnaadee.. kannellaku katte kooda aaranannadee..

chaavu bratukulannavi aadukuntavee.. chaavuleni snehame todu untadee… !!chukkallo!!

Sep 4, 2009

Tilted balance -- My Take on Today's AP Scene

Around 120 MLAs have gathered signatures demanding Jagan as CM and the rest of the candidates have their own doubts.. even before YS cong was split into Kotla and YS camps for CM and cabinet posts but YS had been a success because of his padayatra and his rapport with Rajiv and his family. So still the camps do exist but they are under control due to an able leadership..

It is a fact that Cong has got no thumping majority in elections, just about managed to get the needed seats, so if say around 20 to 30 MLAs slip out from their nest and join the opposition, the existing govt. will lose majority and time for re-election. YS sensing this instability was working on operation Aakarsha was working on gathering people from all parties just to be prepared for any untoward happening within the party.

In this current scenario, even a minor breeze can tilt the balance of govt. Coming to alternative from other parties..

CBN has lost credibility by joining with TRS and not coming up with constructive plan other than "we are united to defeat congress" agenda along with the feeling that they cannot do without using the family of NTR or the late legend's name.

PRP, recently celebrating 1-yr. birthday, having lost so many people to various parties is trying to take baby steps in politics yet, so Chiru is not ready and he is clearly unable to steer the party in any direction and looks like he himself is torn apart in various directions, so he needs to mature a lot before going to be a CM.

JP is the sole warrior of Lok Satta and it might take years and years to gather a decent number of MLAs in his cadre, so with his everything-should-be-transparent politics, he is ruled out..

Left parties by themselves wont be able to garner enough seats to be in power..

So, the sensible choice that I can hope for at this point is.. in order to reduce the burden on already drought-striken, recession-affected, confused people of AP.. to hope and pray that congress continues in power and the other parties come together and do the actual job of being a watchful opposition and force the govt. to be in right direction than attempt to come to power by any means in view of welfare of the state. Their focus now should be 2014 elections and for now do the best to retain the balance and function as usual..

but this is polit(r)ics as I always refer and anything can happen.. just hoping anarchy doesnt add up to the rest of problems common man has to face.

So, in all Jagan, Jaipal or XYZ... I want Cong to be in the govt for the next 5 yrs.. as unfortunately it is just about a 100 days since the party came into power the second time around.

FACT/FIGURE ANALYSIS..

2009, 15th loksabha election results ivi..Total Seats 294...

Party Won
INC 158
TDP 105
PRP 18
Others 13 (independents/rebels)

So, in a highly hypothetical situation with a sole agenda to not let Cong CM-elect come to power, if they all come together and if say around 25 MLAs come out with assammati this and that, then there might be a very remote chance for re-election.

IF AND IF such thing happens, with the anti-defection law in place(any party elect if he/she chooses to shift party after contesting and winning from a party will also lose the seat he/she won), opposition wont come into power even if they all come together. Congress being at the center cant help the situation too if this is the case and then it is going to be election time again.

BUT we all know and have already seen how this patch-work parties pull in different directions and only make it a lose-lose situation. So, sensible choice is to not change the equation and let it continue.

Sep 3, 2009

RIP YS... an unfortunate farewell!!

1949-2009 -- 60 yrs. of eventful life.. love him or hate him but cant ignore him in AP ane levelki swayamsaktito edigina manishi... even Manmohan Singh PM avvataniki kooda more number of wins from any given state icchindi eeyane, finding such a stable, strong and able person to keep the party together in testing situations and steering it in the right direction in the current scenario that too out of the blue is just not possible and finding a successor at this point is a real tough task.

Sad for his family and followers and sad about the fate of the state in the coming days but happy that people are taking the incident maturely and not reacting in grief.

Those who know me and follow the blog know about our love-hate relationship.. me and YS that is. There are a lot of schemes that he implemented for the poverty-stricken. And beyond doubt he is the architect of Pulivendela as it is today with soo much of progress and development since he has come into power. He developed Rayalaseema like anything and will be remembered by all forever. He stuck to his farmer getup with panche and laalchi being a doctor. Whatever he was, whatever problems I had with him or his rule, I may have called him a joker, called him a traitor, called him a savior, called him a survivor but today as I learn that he is no more cant help but feel sad beyond words for his meeting such an unfortunate end with no one being able to trace him up to 24 hrs. of his demise and am really surprised as the tears roll on without even my realizing it.

He was a strong believer of 60-yr. retirement age in politics and it is really unfortunate that he took leave not from politics but from life.. RIP!!

By the way, his political career started the year I was born so as he grew in his chosen field of work, politics, I grew old following it up as a common man, err, woman with interest, sometimes horror, sometimes astonishment, sometimes comic..and that is the bond we shared and he will always be remembered by me as a smiling CM, the one whose smile lit up his face... and yeah maybe this is time I seriously think about political career for myself too.. but that is a long way to go with LO still at an age where she needs lots and lots of nurturing.

LO will miss a leader like him undoubtedly!!

Sep 2, 2009

Bad... Mad, Sad!!! is how I feel now..

Well, today there have been a lot of things happening both in my personal as well as social life. To begin with I had to rush to Vijayawada with my CPU in toe for 'nth' time 'cos the system mechanic had replaced my processor... $(%!@#)*&^% I just cant trust anyone these days.. my system woes are more than I can take now.. next time a problem comes, please remind me to trash it!!! Actually, it has been restarting quite a few times and must have been some software issue but the guy who I took it to said that it was a motherboard issue and changed it charging me 4K. I am happy that my issues are over and I return to find to my horror nothing works and everything hangs... enter another mechanic and the issue comes out.. processor, RAM, LAN card everything has been changed $^^(*&*&%&*.. what the hell was the first one thinking.... Grrrrr... and then followed my 'n' trips to get it back to shape. Hopefully today is the last such day.

Secondly, when I reached there, got the system done and was about to have a pizza after about a year (yeah, it has been a year since I had one cant get one in village), I see the news that YSR goes missing.. yeah he is our CM of AP whose chopper goes missing in Nallamalai forests and it has been 14 hours and yet to get any news from him or the people accompanying him. It is an unfortunate incident which cant be helped.

I have my doubts seriously as to the survival. If the CM is on board then the chopper must be equipped with good communicating satellite support and he must be carrying his mobile phone and so will the rest of the accompanying individuals for security purposes. Even if they switch off when the chopper is running if they do a safe landing they would still switch them on and try to contact some one on the ground and these days cell phone towers have cropped up every where, so at least some user would have the signal :( and whatif some maoist group reaches them first (scary), whatif there are some wild animals in the forest and the group has scattered, whatif they fall in a valley, soo many doubts. Everything points to a grave outcome and bad weather complicates things further. I don't wish anything to happen to him but I have my own concerns. At the same time if anything happens to him, there is nothing we can do to revert it back or for that matter anyone can do. All I hope is everything becomes clear soon and there is a clarity about it all and if anything is wrong, let it be known fast so that help can be sent when things are still not out of hand or when people are safe in their homes.. I am too scared to think about aftermath if anything untoward happens.

The politics these days is nearly edging on perversion and I can only imagine what might the grassroots workers do in case something does happen. It is all the more scary as tomorrow... oops today is the nimajjanam day which is usually a red-flag day in Hyderabad for communal reasons. So, me being the typical me expressed my thoughts in a forum and got the blast(nijjamga naakanta avasaramantaara... entolendi adorakam edavaanandam, aina naakantoo oka space edchindi kada akkada tagalettukovacchu kada naa feelings... koti kommacchulu ante ive mari :().

One thing is true though... many must have got it by experience or know it by nature and many must have already written about it but in my words...be true and honest to self, you cannot please everyone, neither can you be good in everybody's book, you are entitled to your own thoughts as they are of their own. If you try to please everyone you will end up displeasing self. If you cant please and you think you might have hurt others say sorry and vanish... do not give explanations 'cos those who wont understand your words cant understand your silence or the meaning behind it.. just be yourself.. people can call you whatever they want to, but BE SURE THAT YOU KNOW WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE (konchem kaadu chaala overga react autunna but then I had a rough day scared thinking what have I brought my kid into, a state where the VVIP goes missing and the entire nation's efforts put together fails to locate him almost a half day later.. or has there been an attempt to cover up something and dragging on giving the news, so much of mistrust on the media and the govt as it is in my case, so boledanni chetta aalochanalu... sighhhh).

I know I am thinking too much... 90% sends bad omens whereas 10% says he will emerge smiling, waving hands and give a lighthearted report of "adavilo nenu and naa anubhavaalu". If he survives it my gut feeling is there will be no stopping him but somehow I doubt it and it is one of those times where I wish I am wrong. I do have my cribs with him but I know there are lots of people out there who have benefited from his schemes and also no matter how much I might not like his approach towards a lot of things, it is not because of personal reasons, it is just that we have difference of opinion in welfare issues ;)... it is past midnight, a new day begins, I had a rough day, but still I wait on with a heart that hopes to hear something good and with a mind that says be prepared for the worst.

For Evil Eyes on LO