There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.
Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.
Jan 17, 2010
Even I am getting tired of the cliche "time flies" or maybe it is not a cliche but a brutally honest fact. I am a little late... oops, a little too late in posting this letter to you. I am not sorry because all this while I was enjoying with you rather than writing about you, which is the way it has to be isnt it?.
The miracle called "you" started way back in July and that tiny sperm and egg combo grew up by leaps and bounds to make you. It is really amazing how life takes its form. It takes two to create a unique individual who is like neither of us and is totally different. Genes might play a role of their own but it is YOU and only YOU that I see in you and would like to see in you. My body underwent innumerable changes with you in it and so did the mind, but when I see the end product nothing really matters. Even for a person like me who likes a control over life rather than life taking control over me, everything was different. All the prep I did to feel/say/think when I see you first just did not happen. What happened was a miracle, a spontaneous rush of love of proportions unmeasurable like an erupted volcano or something.. ayyo, why do i even try to bother to capture what it felt or I feel at times from time to time.
Nine in the belly, nine outside and what do I have my cute little bundle of joy who is not so little any more.
So, what have we done this past month... loads of good and slightly bad/mad stuff. The first clean shave or puttu ventrukalu were offered to Lord Venkateswara and people said you looked cuter with the clean shave than with the hair :). I love you anyways, so I dont see any difference. But had fun singing "toli naati gundu, nuna nunnanundu-- marunaati nundi molakettuchundu." I know, by the time you can read and make sense out of sentences, you would be ready to eat me raw for doing that to you :)), but you know what.. I love teasing you.
Milestones wise, you have mastered the art of sitting up and also climbing up using me for support. Your vocabulary increased, you play a lot, you throw tantrums, you recognize people, you play peekaboo, you love playing with kids, you had a clean shave and you have some sprouts already ;). Well, should say nothing much, you spent the month mastering what you learned last month.
Teething woes... aaawww... dont even tell me about them, you seem to be having all teething symptoms but nothings seems to erupt and on that note, I just cant stop wishing why not kids wake up with a set of milk teeth one fine morning rather than struggling with each eruption. Cool na.. I know, I am crazy but what is wrong, when wishing why wish for less... sapney toh atleast bindaas hokar dekh sakte hai right :).
My heart almost dropped to my knees the first time I saw you go after a cigarette packet your taatee carries in his pocket and further down when you managed to tear it apart and pull out a cigarette out and actually manage to put it in the mouth :(((.. well, you would ask me why send me or put me in the vicinity of things that you wouldnt want me to do, plain and simple kiddo, I have no control over what other people carry in their pockets. I tried to stop you but you are adamant to play with it, so now I allow it because I am sure you will grow tired of it just like you do with rest of your new games and if I were to stop you hard from doing anything you would only want to do it more... and yes, it is working :), you still try to pull it out but dont as much fervently as earlier.
Any person who wants to think of me a bad/mad mother is welcome. Everyone is entitled for that freedom of thought at least right.
You are a sweet individual and I would love to believe that you would remain the same throughout. I consider myself blessed to have you in my life. For a person who likes all things in life to be plain and simple, even the worst of the complexities seem simple with that smile of yours. Each time I am faced with something really complex, I see you at the other end and your smile sees me through and everything kind of seems very simple and I sail through to the other end actually with a smile on my face. Nothing seems impossible and all the tasks tend to say "I'm-Possible".
One major change is I am back to work, technically full-time but actually only an hour or so everyday, so not really working but actually am. How did it affect you???? it has cut down some of our "US/WE time" but then that is the way it is and you spend that time socializing which I think is not a bad idea either (what to do, need some excuse to get back to work, even if it is the lamest of lame ones).
The one look that you give me after a tiring day, the way you want to rush to me the moment you lay your eyes on me is really really touching. I feel so wanted and loved and will I ever be able to match your so unadulterated, unconditional, pure love. Your eyes dance with happiness, your voice has a squeal to it, you are very much determined to catch hold of me even for a little while...awww... what is it that I did to deserve so much of affection.
Those "hai mein mar jaao" moments and the smile that kind of gives life to an actually dead me is something to actually die for but I actually want to live for them.
Did I say I love you or need I say that??