There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Jan 19, 2010

Same day, same place a year ago and now....

Beginning from scratch in a place which was left unoccupied for about a year and then bring life to it with so many blooms. Looking at them makes me feel good, makes me realize that it is in our hands to make whatever we want of life, either we make it a desert or a garden with whole lot of color and each and every moment. That green patch after a year or so of my careful monitoring teaches me the essence of life. Looking back there is so much to learn from each and everything isnt it..

It has exactly been a year since I have come to this place which is now home for me and LO. I no longer have my grandparents. This house I am currently residing is in a dispute of sorts and is left like that unoccupied by any one and so it is my home for as long as I want to be here. This place means everything to me. This place gave me that security of a home when I was a kid, it still gives the same to my kid. It is one place where I could feel safe. One place where I could get all the unconditional love and kind of still get that even now.

Exactly a year ago I was stuck at that phase in life where nothing seemed right, nothing seemed safe, nothing at all seemed to be going the way I wanted it be. I was at my vulnerable best and I just wanted some place to bring my baby out into this world. It was only my brother who stood by me and together we were up against what seemed to be the whole world at that time. There were so many things to be considered, the safety, the support system, the financial aspect, and most importantly healthcare for me and the baby.

If I would sit up thinking about the most weakest, worst, vulnerable, hopeless, helpless phases in life, that was it. Never before and never again and something which I wouldnt wish on worst of the enemies. It needed and took every bit of what I had, the patience, the energy, the anger, the courage, the love, the hatred, and at the end of it all I am drained out of all emotions except for a love for life with the LO in it.

The brinjals from the home garden, the parrot feathers from under the roof, the grasshopers running around, the bananas on the trees, everything speaks of life, speaks out what careful nursing and spending a little time could do to our surroundings and fills everything within and around me with peace and calm that hadnt existed a year ago.

So, what have I learned this past year

... there are more people than I know who really care about me.
... there are a lot of things which matter than the past.
... living life each moment has its own kick.
...taking life as it comes eliminates half of the concerns. takes unshakeable grit and determination to be what you are.
... no point trying to people see what you feel/do, DO what you want to and things/people will fall into place automatically. If you sit about convincing and then going about, nothing.. just nothing would happen.

What do I want to do by next year
... a home which I can call my own.
... financially a lot more stable than I am right now.
... settle well in a routine and career.
and most of all... be happy and bring up a happy kid.

like they say, Love Makes Life Beautiful.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Every why has a wherefore.........................................

For Evil Eyes on LO