There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Jan 23, 2010

Truth sucks!!

They say that being a parent ourself makes us to get closer to our own parents as we can relate and understand them much better, the way they would have dealt with us and helped us be what we are.. or basically just that cozy we love you 'cos you loved us feeling but why is it that each time I see my kid and me as a kid I feel all the more depressed, forget getting close I am moving to a different sphere altogether.

I feel like an orphan all over again in spite of so much of love and support that I get from all around. I must say I am blessed to have this strong a support although I have my own class-taking sessions from them, they basically do let me be ME. I still miss that not coming from my own flesh and blood donors though my sibling more than makes up for both of them (touchwood).

Why the sudden outburst?
Maybe just giving birth isnt enough, you need to bring them up to actually love them and I am obviously brought up by my grandparents who are no more and my maamayyas. My mom likes me and does a lot for me, but she doesnt really love me enough to love me unconditionally, well these are her own words. When I get praised for being a good mother ???????????? by my mother who says she has not been able to do that. I think a mother is a mother not good or bad when it comes to the kid period. Each person has a set of limitations and it is only love if we accept them in spite of everything. So, after being a mom, I accepted her totally and am finally at peace with myself.. but some times words like these do tug at some raw nerve. :((

Human mind is such player, I have everything in the form of my daughter yet I crave for something which I lack. Isnt there something like unconditional love between parents and their offsprings or are there exceptions here too like everything else.

I hate the same thing repeated again and again "nuvvu kooda oka biddaki tallivi kada, neeku telustundi badha ento".. what the hell, it is not mandatory to be a mother to know pain, it is enough to be a human being!!!

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