Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Mar 3, 2010

Battles Won

It refuses to come out and I refuse to give up... :). Wondering what?? the toothpaste. I forgot to add toothpaste the list of groceries and forgot to get it the previous day either. Everyday for the past 1 week, it is only at the time of brushing do I realize that I need to get another one and forget promptly. Already squeezed beyond its capacity, it was kind of down and out but I just wouldnt accept defeat cut it open and wipe off whatever is remaining, so I won it you see :))..

When I begin to think I have lost it everywhere, I decide to look at the minutest possibility to win and the victory seems almost too good.. I know I am losing it.

On a serious note, only necessity makes us utilize the resources so thoroughly completely, had there been another tube I would have left a lot in it, in fact enough for 8 more days and go ahead with the new one, wasting the old tube. So while brushing, I get my lesson for the day, with or without the spare, utilize the current resource completely before jumping to another, never procrastinate, DO IT. A man does not utilize his true potential unless pushed into a corner or unless there is an absolute need to do it, or at least I cant and maybe that is the reason I am put into too much of struggle mode, self-created maybe subconsciously to keep me occupied with self and surroundings rather than crib and cry on others.. good in a way, yet bad for peace of mind.... too much of gyaan ;).

and by the way, another win, I do shut out people from life, those who cause pain don't exist to me beyond a point of tolerance and there has never been an opportunity so far to reopen those shut chapters. Some one from that past suddenly crops up from out of nowhere after almost a decade and strangely I did not react. There was so much of hatred, so many questions, so much of mystery but even when I dust the memories out of the remotest corner of mind (not heart, just the mind) there is nothing really that I need to, want to know, the feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, once of such a huge magnitude just vanished into thin air. At some point there were so many questions but now they seem utter waste. A part of me was trying to bring out the anger and get it out of the system for once and for all but nothing really worked, you bring out what exists within. The anger dissipated, the confusion cleared and in that place there is calm and quiet composure which I never knew existed. When had it happened, yesterday, day before, some time last week, year or gradually over the decade. When my conscious mind tries to find an answer, there it emerges.

Human mind is gifted with self-garbage removal system it is only that we consciously keep refilling it with new dirt all the time. If you truly wish to get out, you will. So, what do I feel about the knock on the locked door, the best thing that ever happened so far in my life was that lock in the first place.

Another major victory is the control on the past and the present and I did feel relieved to see that aspect of my personality come to the forefront 'cos I always had this doubt what about that pent-up anger which was there at one point. Nothing, nothing really exists. It is the present that is the gift and the future that is a surprise that keeps us going...

... and that one incident makes me look at the present in a different perspective. This phase too will pass and I would maybe just laugh it off or take it with a calm dignity. Glad it happened, now I know myself a little better.

So, when you are on the lookout you tend to learn from each and everything!!

3 comments:

ఏకాంతపు దిలీప్ said...

True!

Rajani said...

Cant stop laughing. U know? I end up with same problem of toothpaste many times....I feel very silly about it many times. Thank God, someone is like me in this world

Kani asalu value telisedi apude..edi lekapote ade telustundi.

sivaji said...

Hi madam, i saw your post on Sunitha Krishnan's blog and i was going through your blog and i saw this "Battles Won" post. Thanks for this post, for the past 1 week i have been on the battle :)
Daily i am forgetting to buy new toothpaste. Surely will do it today.

For Evil Eyes on LO