There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Mar 21, 2010

Refreshing Solitude

There are moments in life where you are in solitude from time to time, be it by choice or by chance.. there are times when you are amidst a group and yet feel lonely where as sometimes wherein you are alone but feel like you are in a group, with them in your memories... The past few years of my life have been a whirlwind of emotions and incidents but there was essentially never a moment of solitude or being alone from thoughts about I, me, myself and my life. I know.. "me and toes" but cant really help it.

I have always enjoyed eating out at times if not on a regular basis. I could kind of give you the food reviews at various places in my city of residence, visit.. be it Hyderabad, Vijayawada, Bangalore at different points in life.. but it was always a get together or a quick catching up with a friend over lunch/dinner or even a salad at the nearest salad bar. I used to grab a quite bite alone maybe a burger, a pastry, a pizza a salad plus or minus some soft drink but never a full course meal.

The point of this intro is, I had this doctor appointment in the evening and some baby shopping to do with it, so I set about to go to Vja, finish the shopping by around 2:30 and hungry by then I decided to grab a bite and then meet my cousins before the appointment. I usually call up either my uncle, friend, or cousins before I board the bus, they pick me up, stay with me during the entire stay and put me back on the bus. I make it a point to eat out with them but I am always hurried, you know they might have some work, I need to catch the bus back soon and things like that.. but this time I decide to do everything on my own, thanks to the decrease in my fainting spells or at least awareness before I faint :).. So, I go to this tiny little place called Tycoons a restaurant just behind Kalaniketan again to grab a quickie and maybe watch a movie at home with them.. but something changed.. when I entered that place, something just happened and I realize this is the first time I am not rushed, I am not lectured for what I am going to do before now and going back home and then let it go..

I knew a few people have comfort foods for blue days but to my horror I realized that food is my comfort, no wonder, my increasing girth says it all.. I was a liquid person and less of solids but now it is changed... I had enjoyed full 3-course meal alone, yes, yes... full aaramse, streching myself out, listening to awesome instrumental music in the background, just laid back, listening to what ears could catch, not consciously though and watching out things in general.. the guy at the entrance asked me if someone would join me.. I said no, he gives me those???? looks but politely takes me to one cozy corner, I plop myself down, give the order.. soup, starter, then noodles and then fruit salad with ice cream topped with a cherry.. it happened over a course of an hour.. I ate leisurely, enjoyed each morsel, thought about happy times with friends and family, happy times with my daughter and many more happy moments waiting for us in life. Not even for a moment was I conscious of my aches and pains, so many issues at home, or anything.. it was just happiness.. I did not tune myself to that nor did I shut down anything, it just did not appear.. a moment of magic.. an hour and a half of solitude enough to recharge for an year or so... I guess I need to take these breaks more often, with the kid safe at home under mom's care, who by now is adept at taking care of her and in fact both of them kind of started ignoring me.. well, I don't seem to be minding either... good for all the 3 of us, each of us gets the best of the moments. I am extremely happy with my mom's help, cant ask for more. All my grudge at not taking care of me or blah blah blah gradually vanishes into thin air with her more than making it up with my daughter in time of need, when I kind of seem to be down and out...

So, thanks mom for making it happen, Thank you God letting it be one of the best moments of life so far.

Maybe around 4 yrs. ago, if someone were to say that a lonely meal at a restaurant would fill me with such deep sense of rejuvenation I would have laughed it off.. but not now...

By the way, health is good, can work only for an hour and take a break for an hour or so and work... so amidst power cut and my daughter and utter chaos in life.. if time permits I dedicate my usual half-hour to blogging or blog hopping.. and there it ends, my half hour that is... :).

Cant help but put this up here in my journal before this lingering feel evaporates... yay and no prizes for guessing that there was not even a single grain wasted and not even the usual doggie pack, I sure have this large appetite these days.. phew, and mind you, the portion sizes were generous too :)!!!!


ఏకాంతపు దిలీప్ said...

:-) Good to see you in Solitude.

Sireesha said...

Having time for exclusively oneself and indulging in simple pleasures is indeed a rejuvenating experience!
Good for you!

For Evil Eyes on LO