There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Apr 29, 2010

A Thousand Lies and a Single Truth

A thousand lies or a single truth.. what holds a relationship tight?

This phrase
"veyyi abbaddhaalu aadi ayina oka pelli cheyyali" is something which irks me no end. We are on groom hunt for our cousin and the one sentence each and every one of the middlemen in the process parrots is "veyyi*#%##$#@^&%#$." I really fail to understand the logic behind it. A thousand lies for a single wedding, what does that preach us.. you can lie left, right and center and get a couple married and spend the rest of the life living those lies? What kind of a foundation is that we are laying over there. If lying were to be a vital catalyst in setting about things on track, what can we expect. Where did this sentence take its origin from.

In this time and age where there are instant relationships and breakups as opposed to lifelong ones will this statement still hold good. There is a lot of individuality, less of dependence. This might have been good in the good old days of interdependence. The generation's transition from interdependence to independence shows its impact in all spheres of life including the institution of marriage.

Coming to me, do I want my relationship to be based on a lie, nope. No matter how much I say I am entering into the relationship without any expectations I still end up having the basic expectation that I would be considered a human being and taken care of. No matter how much we share before the wedding, it is only after living together with the feeling of together ever after that the feeling of taken for grantedness set in that the ugly facets rise their hood. Initially, I might be able to tolerate the fact that I am lied to BUT what after that? and where do we begin those lies and where do we put an end to them. When life offers us much more beyond staying in a marriage full of lies, does this statement still hold good? Is still getting the girl married with lies such a necessity when she can stand on her own feet and have a life of her own, does she still need to bow to the lies flown left right and center for seemingly even simplest of things.. ranging anywhere from my daughter cooks well, my daughter sings well, we will give this much, we wont ask anything, we this, we that...

First get married, then you can change him/her per your needs?? what the hell??????

Amidst of all these, I begin to think what keeps a couple together or for that matter any two individuals together.. trust, love, fear or need. Every single revolves around the 4 things which is the point of another post altogether.

When a couple decides to get married in today's scenario, they have high hopes, they do it a feeling that theirs should be the best relationship that people would envy on but what is that gradually gives way to the cracks sometimes so wide and throw those two lives in deep abyss. When I listen to a guy say "I am not caring, I am too lazy" I would only anticipate it to my convinience, okay how can he be not caring when he cares to call me and think about my small needs.. phew!! wait until you are hooked. Laziness, oh, it is okay, I can take it. But how long can I take it, laziness to the extent of throwing clothes all over the house, laziness of littering the bathroom after each use, laziness of just lying around doing nothing while you slog out in the kitchen?? These need not be categorized as lies but they are masked truths...

When I say I will adjust with the family I get in to, I will be the ideal bahu material, why the hell is whole world going ga-ga-ga over MIL, SIL and DIL relationships.. why cant they really coexist, it is just a matter of adjustment, why is a MIL, DIL or SIL always the villain in reality or in drama, havent they seen Hum Aapke Hain, Hum Saath Saath hai and all those Barjaatya films with goody goody endings. I might be fully intending to do everything I thought of but there is no guarantee that the other parties accept me with the same openness. Hidden agendas need not necessarily be from my end, but how long and how much can you take from the other.. this again is a masked truth.. I take in only as much as I can, I cant assure I will be the exact same person with exact same views until I stay with them for a while.

Can they be classified as lies?????

When something is amiss, will the single truth that I am lied to a 1000 times still hold that relation as strong?????? The point of it all is not about truth or lies, it is basically about the trust or the lack of it in the institution of marriage and on the person you are hitched with.


Crazy Mama said...

Hi Sree,

I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago and have been hooked to it since then. It is a pleasure to see the integrity in your thoughts and in the way you express yourself here. I will be stopping by whenever I can and leaving comments for you.


Sireesha said...

Hmm.. I do have a little difficulty following the thread of your thoughts..

When I listen to a guy say "I am not caring, I am too lazy" I would only anticipate it to my convinience,
These need not be categorized as lies but they are masked truths...
Well yeah, we tend to undermine the real implication of such claims primarily because we chose to. But later the practical life may very well bring out a different response. And I think such thngs are neither lies nor masked truths. They are truth.

When I say I will adjust with the family I get in to, I will be the ideal bahu material, why the hell is whole world going ga-ga-ga over MIL, SIL and DIL relationships, I'm sorry, I didn't quite follow you here. I don't mean to cross-examine you, but only curious to understand your perception.

Sree said...

thank you and welcome Kavitha.. waiting to see you stop by more..

Sree said...

Sireesha :).

Before marriage I used to have this feeling that a MIL, SIL or DIL need not necessarily be the evil one that she is portrayed to be in general... it is just a moment or a few days you are going to stay with them in this nuclear family era but still end up having this huge fights and all that, not everyone but majority of them do end up quarreling or at least those who I know did.. and I always used to wonder why so?

I kind of supported the cause and not the person in each individual case and had this generalized opinion that we can make them see our point gradually even if the other party has some predefined set of notions. Give them some time, be patient, stay uninvolved even if they provoke you and what the hell can they do... but that obviously hasnt happened at least in my case despite of giving 100% and actually that was what the trigger was, when the patience snapped it snapped in a way never to bind again!!

Sireesha said...

Oh, thanks for explaining. I see your point now. Yeah that's true - in-law realtions are quite different from all the other relationships! Ha!
But I appreciate you for striving for peace and giving you 100% effort towards it.

For Evil Eyes on LO