Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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May 5, 2010

So..

I am working PROPERLY and taking scheduled breaks and meeting targets.. what is the big deal?????

It is the bigger than the biggest deal to me. It means I started living again.

I had my last proper break between work after November 2005, looking back it seems like a lifetime. I had this funda in life, work smart, work fast, keep a lot of time for yourself.. earn and enjoy!!! Slog and slog 6 days a week, but take a complete break at least one day and take an out-and-out live the way you like break at least once in a month. Like everything else, this fundaa too went into the drain.

Amma's death, marriage, pregnancy, kid, starting life from scratch, everything was overwhelming.... be it sorrow or happiness, it was always in the extremes..."highest of highs" and "lowest of lows" phase. It took me these past 2 years to retrace the blind leap and the huge mistake and getting rid of the "I gave you good life" mindset from my entire being. Looking back, it is strange, I could take it for about a year. On the second thoughts, maybe I knew fully well what I was getting into.. why the hell did I tolerate the attitude and taunts of a family citing my disability...!! what started as seemingly innocent, harmless, self praise gradually snowballed into an issue so big that I began doubting myself and getting convinced that I am really a good for nothing person who was gifted "life" by someone!! I call living like a parasite a "disability", I call "I am very innocent, I dont know anything, I will die if I dont get things done my way" a disability, I call sweet-talking in front and dirty thinking inside a disability. Enough, one more mention of giving me life... YOU GET IT FROM ME.

Two eventful years, experiences of a lifetime, fighting out a lonely battle, one step forward and pulled 10 steps backward by very own kith and kin.. I gradually see the light, this time loaded with so much of will power that even if it is from another train approaching from the other end, I dont really care.

Successfully curbed unwanted influences in my life, realized what is what and who is who, the real faces underneath the masks surfaced and just like everything else, de-cluttering life of unwanted relationships be it personal, professional or just acquaintances has helped me tremendously. I dont want to be good for some xyz, be in some xyz's good books, and lose out on life.

Throwing away the medicines, throwing away the so-called close ones taking double stands resulted in good health... the problem clouds dissipate giving me the strength of a 1000 elephants to take the world and lock horns with the distractions yet again.

One proper break (off day) and I feel rejuvenated.. one proper paycheck is what I need to say yes the train is on the track, it maybe delayed but it will go to the destination safely!!!

By the way, been to Prajaa Padham yesterday, stay tuned for my one-on-one with govt. officials and governance ;).

2 comments:

Sandhya said...

Inspirational post!!!!!! In life, we are so bothered about pleasing someone, that we actually lose our own identity. All we need to do is to just let all the negative thoughts, unnecessary worries go out of the mind window and allow will power, positive thought and confidence to come in. You have been successful in doing this. God bless. May you achieve much more success in your life.

Love to Shreya.

Cheers,
Sandhya

Renuka said...

Impressive...rather i would say the portrayal of immense YOU.

It was the other day i was introspecting myself and thought why am i tolerating so much of dictation & hypocrisy..But yes, have been doing it for my relations thankfully not for XYZ.

For Evil Eyes on LO