Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Aug 21, 2010

Time To Decide

There are times when we plan a lot of things, we plan our life to be this way or that way forgetting that even the next moment is not in our hands.  I decided to start a new life from scratch forgetting everything with a lot more understanding and realization of life than I had when I set about a new life overseas.. but a twist in the tale, had LO coming and the life stalled for the next couple of years or maybe God knows how much more longer.  I have no regrets (really).. well, okay I do regret it some times when things get beyond my control and I lose temper in front of her wondering and the thought "she did not ask me to bring her into this world, why the hell did I and then put her through this mess" kills me time and again when I get angry on things, people, surroundings and situations and that helpless kid stares into my eyes seeing this monster called mamma and not really able to comprehend why the hell she is doing the shouting...

I know it is wrong, i know I need to control the anger, i know not every one is right, i know i am not right all the time, i know i cannot fight with everyone, i know there is no support from any corner and the superficial help that seems to be in place only hinders the efforts but nothing more, i know it is a long uphill climb ahead, i know it is going to get worse at times, i know it might all prove futile once the kid grows up, i know we give birth to kids and not their life, i know we nurture the kids but it is their nature that ultimately shows up, i know that upbringing is the key but not the be all and end all as to how they will turn out to be, i know a whole lot of things...

but what keeps me going is that...

I KNOW I WILL NEVER REGRET ANYTHING because my life is in my hands and not in anyone else's and that sense of security is what keeps me going.

Time to decide on a lot of things and they are made and implemented.. only thing to do is wait and see as the time unfolds each moment in front of me.

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