Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Oct 8, 2010

Giving and Taking..

I had this one dream of adopting a kid and giving them life (this was exactly what I felt back then).. but then gradually I have come to understand that you don't give life to some one.. life just happens and you just happen to be a part of it for good or for bad and now it gives me creeps when I hear the word "giving life to someone."

I was full of dreams back then, am still but now I know to segregate the real dreams from what is actually practical and then go about working on them.

Adoption, something really sacred and noble in my opinion. I am yet to come across someone who has done so not because they cannot have one for whatever reason but who has adopted despite having a kid of their own or just decided not to have one consciously. Maybe there are people out there but I havent met them in person. One reason, I absolutely adore Sushmita Sen is just this!!

In my dream of adopting, I found that I am not alone, a lot of my friends (back then when we were not married) wanted to actually adopt a kid and give birth to one.. there was so much of emotion and passion when we spoke about it, so many stars in our eyes. That to us was something really noble, something we all wanted to do with real feeling. So, 10-15 yrs. down the line, what has happened.. the group who wanted to adopt kids gradually dwindled, sadly practicality has sunk in, the resistance from families took an upper hand and the dream buried deep down in the chaos running around the biological kids, families and their well-being.

Back then we did not know about it, we thought we could just walk into an orphanage or a home and bring a kid of choice to home and then stay happily ever after. The actual procedure got clear to me when a friend of mine adopted a girl baby and then passed on all the information because I was looking for the same. The waiting list, the background inquiries and finally handing over the kid is a really really long and in fact at times a painful experience.

I have also known people who went all the way and then backtracked because of the questions raised by the agencies.. like you okay with kids of criminals, you okay with kids of any caste, you okay with kids of any religion, you okay if the lineage is unknown, you okay with kids inflicted with diseases and stuff like that.. this also is good in a way because they had to put up and actually come up with genuine answers before they take the plunge for life.

The long list of legal proceedings in not helping either.. I have known through my gyn about cases where the unwed mothers or mothers of girl child give away the kid just hours after birth and the willing couple getting themselves registered as the original parents in the hospital records (anything is possible here) but here there is a scope that the biological parents go claim the kid after a few years or months.. there have been such instances brought to our notice thanks to the media which makes this possibility scarier.

I have seen people who give up on the thought gradually.. first bowing down to pressure of elders giving birth to one and then dreaming of adopting the next one when the time is right and then getting cold feet due to the doubt whether or not they would be able to treat both their own and the adopted kid equally and IF AND IF they could not why spoil that kid's chances with someone else. As human beings, we are prone to our weak points and at times lack of self control, so it is pretty much understandable.

I am the most stubborn person which I have come to realize of late, people kind of penetrate even me with questions so I dont really look hold it against my friends for backtracking on their word, they just did the right thing.

I am not really being judgmental about anyone but me here. Keeping aside the fact whether or not we are capable of re-creating life and whether or not we want to, I certainly entertain the possibility of adoption and all the more so after the kid. It has given me the insight as to child rearing, the emotions that come with it, looking at other kids after seeing mine in flesh and blood in front of me.

How prepared am I at this point is the question and nothing else.. financially, it is a distant dream as of now.. practically, there are few things that need to be wrapped much before I actually even think about it.. emotionally, it would be overwhelming with so much of opposition with a few decisions in my life as it is, not that I do really care but I do not want to add on.. so as of now, at this moment a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig NO. So, it is the kid and me who are going to take the collective decision down the line and get the light of lives home.. it is a dream, a distant but certainly a practical one.

Having a kid of my own will really help with taking on another one. I would have to deal with a lot of emotions if I were to just go and adopt the kid without having mine. There are times when I get frustrated with some things about the baby, I curse myself for having gotten into this full time but then it is momentary. I still feel guilty but I have come to agree that it is normal, it all human, if I dont feel that I would be perfect which no one is. I am much more equipped to deal the situations of sickness and panic. I know what is normal and what is not and it would help to keep a tab on myself. Getting a kid home is not like getting a pet or an accessory home it is like it is going to change our lives forever and ever for all the people involved, me and both the kids and the well being both physical emotional of them both is linked to mine in an inevitable way.

With all my friends finally giving up on the idea and just me hanging on it with a lot of hope and positivity, it is left to the time to see who wins, the actual ME or the influences on me!!

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