There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.
My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)
Oct 5, 2010
There are some things, tiny little things that give me immense pleasure like shopping items for kitchen, little keepsakes, toys.. etc.. not too costly things that give me joy. The pleasure becomes multifold when I save money and buy an item for the household.. be it an onion holder, fruit forks or a small thing.. I love saving up for it and then buying it.
Today was a real hectic day with running around the doctors for the kid and then shopping for mom's 60th birthday.
One of her wishes was to have some nonstick items, so we go to this huge steel house in the locality which has got kind of everything that is made of steel and nonstick.. phew!!
There was this one thing that I saw which gave me a huge lump in the throat... a family was buying household items to start a family to give away in the marriage. They were from a poor background, maybe infact economically backward class.. the whole stuff came upto 5K which was maybe 25% of their entire wedding expenditure but the father, mother and daughter along with aunts and uncle picked up each and everything from a spoon, tea glasses, to bucket and soapbox for the bathroom. I loved that moment, I loved everything about it.. the simplicity of it all.. the stars in the bride's eyes, the satisfaction in the father's heart, the happiness of the mother to give the child whatever she wanted to.. everything, loved it to bits.
I was not jealous or anything like that but did feel bad for not being able to do any such thing as a family.. I still remember the way I used to cry when the laborer near the construction site of the house took the kids to the shop and buy them whatever they wanted after a hard day's work, I remembered the way I cried when I had to buy the wedding saree by myself.. remember feeling like an orphan, remember never wanting to return back to the family ever... I remember all those moments when I just cursed my unwanted existence. Strangely, never jealous just too damn angry!!!
But strange are the ways of the world, what I had craved for the whole of my existence, in a way I am taking the very same thing away from my daughter.. !!! but again the point is you take away something IF and IF it were to be there in the first place. The more you go looking for love, the more it eludes you.