Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Mar 31, 2010

A Whole Lot of Things...

Health:
It has been a while since I even opened my system, health issues as usual, this time at their worst ever and the final straw broke. THIS IS IT.. It just wont work, running around from specialist to specialist, in search of a cure, gulping down tablet after tablet looks like one for each body organ... sick and tired is the least word. So much of pill intake leaves me and I guess my body confused too so it just refuses to budge one fine morning and after the usual rush and cure later, I am okay.. I am ashamed, I am ashamed to be writing of my illness time and again. One fine morning, I wake up pull out the pill box and take everything and dump in the trash.. yes, just today morning I do that and I already feel way too good. Back to basics, water therapy, yoga, meditation, walks, exercise... I would do whatever it takes but not the medication part!!!! Thanks to Tharini and her approach and her willingness to help out, I will find a way out.

Work:
My system has a new problem now, the monitor... it just stops display and flickers.. okay, so be it.. maybe I wont be needing it for work for a while now, with health being the primary priority I guess work this month needs to be off completely, so if and if it happens to work I do browse, otherwise I just wont even try, if you dont see me blog, blame it on the screen :).

Kid:
Fast approaching a year, enduring growing up pains and also pains of growing up with me ;)... wish her a healthy life guys.

Hyderabad:
It crushes me to see the situation of Hyderabad, I love that place, it will always have that special place which nothing else can take. the prime of my life has been there. To be the one to see the rise and fall of Hyderabad is not something that I would like. I dont like it one bit. What do we learn from history, obviously nothing.. where is all this leading to... the multicultural city which caught the fancy of the world just about a decade ago, which made everyone sit up and watch out for its immense potential in all aspects is fast bringing doom upon itself. Somehow, the whole situation reminds me of Calcutta or Kolkatta in good old days, it was a very well-developed city back then when no metro was as good as it. Now, what is it? the fights, the movements, the politics everything have scared the potential investors and now the place is an old mess lagging behind in the metro race when compared to the other newly developed ones. What are the movements doing to the beautiful city of Hyderabad, what is the battle Andhra-Telangana doing to it, free zone, greater hyderabad, real estate, software, investments, what the hell is happening.. each day I open the news paper, there is one step backwards... when the whole world looks forward to progress we are just inching backwards undoing all the good done over years...

Today, people are scared to walk on the road because of some issues... the same Hindu and Muslim families which peacefully cohabited until the other day just seem to be enemies now.. nope, I dont agree, the families are just the same, they are the just the same friends, so what is all this happening.. obviously an undercurrent political drama. I am a human being first who wants the basic needs fulfilled first and then my religion comes.. to me, God is a supreme force, a hope, a positive energy motivating to live life rather than just lead it and religion is what man says about GOD, each individual has a different opinion and has a varied approach that is it. It is only the extremists with an ulterior motive who used God's name to create rifts between people.. no religion, no religious scripture preaches violence.. if it does, it is not religion, it is something else.

I hope and pray things do fall in place soon enough... I just do not want to see T issue raise its ugly hood once the religious mob activities in Hyderabad are under control, is there an end??

NTR Family:
I dont really understand the mass hysteria about the Nandamuri family.. what the hell, it is just like any other movie/political family. I am a big fan of NTR myself, for his charm, beauty, portrayal of certain mythological characters and a few of his qualities, his amazing prowess to start a party from scratch and come to power in 9 months, there are so many things I admire and got to learn from him... but does that mean I say this man is the only good thing that has happened to "telugu vaadi Aatma gauravam".. sorry, I dont think so. I am sick and tired of listening to the family stories... he was a CM and he did his duty period. I hate the approach of his family using his name and wanting to come to power even decades after his death... are people that dumb, we respect that man, we love that man but we need leaders to rule us not a family or a family name okay... the NBK and LP drama just taken too far by the media for a couple of days just increased my headache :(... what good is it to use up all the air time and our time.

I love this guy, Jr. NTR beyond words can say but must say am a little disappointed in his choice of girl, nothing wrong with the girl, I dont even know about her other than the fact that she is too young. I would have ideally wanted him to marry someone from a normal middle-class family like the one he hails from from his mother's side rather than give into scheming and plotting ways of CBN. But then, no issues.. as he enters that beautiful bond in his life, I do wish him good luck, I do wish all his wishes of bringing credibility and a society stature to his mom come true, I do wish he finds what he has been looking for all his life and finally I do wish that he not fall into trap of family name politics and make a mark of his own...

Piracy and Movies:
Hmmmm... good the industry has come together to put an end to the piracy stuff but I guess something needs to be done about the exorbitant prices in theaters so that the common man approaches theater instead of pirated copies, making moving watching a pleasant experience..if I am offered something good at some affordable price, since movie is the only entertainment for majority of us, we will end up watching them... got to see if something is being worked up on there.. anyways, industry bigwigs can survive all this with the wealth stashed out for generations together but it is the day-to-day strugglers and dependers on the movie business that I am bothered about, let there be a hope in their lives...

Varudu Hype:
tuuussss.... I looked forward to the heroine with so much of hype surrounding it... but my reaction is on the starting sentence, hope the movie panned out well...

Rains Now:
It is just about the harvest time and it broke my heart to see showers today... cant they wait for a while until the crop is safely home. It is already breaking the back of a common back to make two ends meet, we dont need to add up more to it... God!!!!! just hold those showers a little....

.... by the way, met a long-lost friend after a while and it is good to know that no matter what we could just begin where we left off a while ago.. not that we are back to that chaddi-buddy style but yes, back to being good listeners :).

Mar 25, 2010

Patti Tecchanule..

Patti tecchaanuley, pandu vennalni nene.. aha naa maava kosam -2-
edi edi choodaneeve daanni
kallu muyyi chooputaanu anni.. -2-

patti tecchaanuley pandu vennalni nene aha naa malli kosam..

Like this song for music rather than lyrics... good song from Ilayaraja, movie Aatma bandhuvu..

Another song I discovered today is from Rocket Singh... loved it.. thanks MM for the link.


Pankhon ko hawa zarasi lagnedo
Dil bole soya tha ab jagnedo
Dil dil mein hai, dil ki tamanna sau
Do sau ho, chalo zara si tapnedo
Udne doo o ho -2-

hawa zarasi lagnedo, soya tha ab jagne do
pankhon ko hawa zara si lagne do

Dhoop khili jism garam saa hai
Suraj yahi eh bharam saa hai
Bhikri huyi rahein harazon sau
Thamo koyi phir bhatakne do --udnedo--

Dil ki patang chaho mein go dikhaati hai
Dheel todo dekho kahaan pe jaati hai
Uljhe nahi to kaise suljhoge
Bikhre nahi to kaise nihkroge --udnedo--

On an entirely different note,


stumbled across this what seems to be a hilarious remix of movie and real life... pathetic speech. I am not actually making fun of her language but I dont really understand what she is trying to convey over here, such a serious issue she is trying to throw light out is totally masked by the choice of language. The medical malpractices or harsh truths about general medicine practice in India she is trying to point out is very genuine and point of another post altogether, but for now just for few laughs..

Mar 24, 2010

Raamulori Pelli Bhojanam

After really really long time, maybe after a couple of decades, I go to Seetha Rama Kalyanam in the local temple in village. Got back rush of emotions, memories and had tears in my eyes.. It was always Amma who used to accompany me or rather I used to accompany amma and now it is my daughter doing that..

Our new year kind of began with a downer as we had to rush the kid to the hospital because of fever, cold, cough and teething issues, so Ugadi came and went even before we realized it leaving a bad taste in the mouth..err.. heart, somehow new years dont seem to be working for us both, hopefully the next year would disprove my statement.

This festival has a special significance in my life as I was born on the same day in Dasami ghadiyalu 32 years ago, so my telugu calender birthday is today and I am unofficially into 32 with just about less than month to be technically so too. No qualms whatsoever of ageing like I had some time ago when I had touched 30s. I just wish I had been a little more young to cope with the growing needs of my daughter in terms of activity levels, but then nothing major.. better late than never.

Let me switch to Telugu as I get nostalgic in that language today :).

Maa oorlo oka specialty undi, boledanni raamalayaalu unnay,in fact caste ki oka gudi.. anni sreeraamudi gulley, okey oka sivaalayam undi migataa chinna chitakaa anni kalipi 10 raamaalayaalunnay... ippudu poshana leka, bhaktulu raaka, valasalu vellipoyi sagam daaka mootabadi poyay.. edo prominentga 3 or 4 tappa. chinnappudu prati gudiki velli vadapappu paanakam tecchukunevallam andaram kalisi ippudu avi mootabadipoyi aa arugula meeda janaalu pekaata, puli meka aadukuntoo unte baadestundi.. kaneesam paachi oodchi muggese dikku kooda undadu... ayyappa maalalu bhavaani maalala timelo maatram avi terichi andulo swamulo undipotaaru aa deeksha anni rojulu, appudu kooda satram laaga untundi tappite gudi bhaavam raadu... :((..

that is the sad part.. ippudu santoshamaina vishayaalakoddam.

Mundu roju saayantram antey 23rd evening aidu gantalaki maa oori pilupulu cheppe manishi vacchi phalana chitti babu gari pedda kooturi koduku kamma vaari raamalayamlo peetala meeda koorchuni pooja cheyistunnadu... phaalana bullabbay gari chinna koduku konetlo raamayalam deggara pooja cheyistunnadu, iddaru intlo aada magaa bhojanaalu cheppi rammannaru meeru eto atu tappaka randi ani cheppinappudu modalayyina sandadi ivvala raatri 10ki mugisindi.

Poddunne lechi maa pedda muttaiduva adey nandi pandu gaadu nenu mahadaanandamga ready aipoyaam, nenu elagola kashtapadi ooragaaya jaadilaaga gundramga unna pottani cover ayyela manage chesi, gummadi kaayalanti ontiki cheera chuttesi, pandu gaadiki kotta gounu todigesi, strollerlo pallu poolu kobbari kaayalu vesukuni, deggarundi raamulori pelli cheyinchi, aakulu, alamulu, akshintalu tinnanni tini, chimminanni chimmi, kanipinchinollandarini mohamlo moham petti choosi navvi palakarinchi, evaraina kharma kaali navvakapote navve daaka kekalesi intikocchi paddaam.

Had a good time after long, tidhi puttina roju brahmaandamga jarigipoyina feeling vacchesi.. mottam meeda pelli meeda kante pelli bhojanam meeda ekkuva makkuva choopinchi pandagani alaaga kaanicchesaa ee samvatsaram....

They lived happily ever after ani kaadu kaani prati samvatsaram alaaga pelli cheyinchukuntoo mucchataga undey aa devudi gullo bommalante maatram naaku chaala ishtam... sannaga naajoogga panchalohaalato musi musi navvulu navvukuntunna pelli koduku kooturini alaaga choostoo undalanipistundi... kaani pratisaari okate baadha.. inta vaibhavamga pelli chesukuni anni paatlu paddaaru kada iddaru, eppudu bhaarya, bhartha, pillalu kalisi unnadey ledu kadaa... cant we change the history just for once and let them live happily ever after ani, but then alaaga jarigite ee Ramayanam ledu ee kalyanam ledu!!!

Mar 23, 2010

Mouna Raagam ..

I suddenly remember the movie and want to listen to the songs from that.. and end up with the new album on Raaga.com..

jaabiliki vennelavvana
taaralaku ninginavvana -2-

kommalaku koyilavvana
pulagundelo jolapaatanavana

tolakari meghama meghama todu raana
harivillu gootilo guvvalaa undipona -2-

-- jaabiliki-

Liked the kid version of this song from the latest Mouna Raagam.

Movie: Mouna Raagam (old).

Chinni chinni koyilale, kori kori koosenamma...
oorinche aanandam, lolona aarambham -2-
pulakinche siri mogga nene nene -- chinni--

Sweet :).

and the peppy

Oho Megamocchenu..
Edo laali paadenu..
veeche poola gaalule
paliki pasidi gaadhale
poola pai andaale varahaalanu panchenu
jallulu kurisina samayam mucchatalu virisenu... --oho--

which takes me back to

Ollanta tullinta from Geetanjali...


Is music back with a bang in my life?? no idea but it sure does provide a good getaway..they say music has the power to heal, it surely does.

Had another trip to vja, enjoyed the time, finished a mini novel on the way, got relaxed with all the greenery, it is a joy to see the crop ready to be harvested, the paddy crops bowing down to the weight of the paddy is something I have come to enjoy over the past year.. another 10 days, the crops would be ready for harvest and the lands will be bare for a stretch of 3 to 4 months..... when we want to consciously search for happiness, you find it everywhere.. when we actually want to leave negativity behind.. music and greenery is the best way... soothing to the nerves.

Mar 22, 2010

Music... On the Play List...

Do I like remakes of old classics... NOPE.... they are a class of their own...

I happened to check out Maro Charitra songs today, with due credit and respect to the new artists I just felt that the old ones are far more superior...

I love the song "Ye Teega Puvvuno" and was extremely eager to catch up that track on the cd and the disappointment is beyond expression over here... it is not fair to compare but the new one just ruined the feel of it all :(.

I quickly decide never to watch the movie as well.. I hate to see it ruined this way.. just hope the movie is a little better than the song..


Ye Maaya Chesave.
.

The lyrics have me saying that these days :).. good songs, and yes as usual, the songs are slow poison that grow gradually.. first instance you kind of say what is it.. but then you just cant let go of them.. so the ones on and on and on other than of course "Adurs" where is that?? which still and maybe will always top the list until the time another song really catches my daughter's attention.. is Ye Maaya Chesaave.. Hosaanna.. too good.. the maestro never fails to mesmerize me... wow, the little master!! and I loved the songs in Leader as well, reminded me of my school days... fav among them is "e sakuni aadani judam... vandemaataram".

and did I say Chaitu doesnt know how to dance really but he is sweet.. that jumping around is cute :) cant really call it dancing :), especially the hello, hello sequence in the Hosaanna.. cant stop grinning :)).

Vande Maataram from Leader

Yesakuni aadani joodam
Brathuke 'o' chadarangam
Idi aarani raavana kaashtam
Chithi lone seemantham
Idi manchiki vanchana silpam
Ika aagani samaramlo
Ee neram, ika dooram, idi maa taram.. --Vande Maataram--

Migilina dikkuga..
Nilichina naa tallikai..
Pagilina ningilo..
Nilavani dhruva thaarakai..
Raajyalele ee dabbu, hodha..
Aarey jwalalu nenai..
Jeevana yagnam saaginchagaa..
Vacche aapadha, vicche poopodha nadipisthaaga.. -- Vande Maataram--

The best part about this song is the picturization... one thing that left me haunting... the tea stall scene where he rescues a girl from that old man and a lot more girls turn up and the protagonist is helpless... arent we placed in the same situation time again, where you have limited resources but a lot of people to cater to.. beautiful!!! something which left a lump after watching screen, it is difficult to digest naked truth!!!

Sreelu Pongina Jeeva Gaddai from Leader

Sreelu pongina jeeva gaddai
Paalu paarina bhagya seemai
Vraalinadhi ee bharatha khandamu
Bhakthi paadara tammudaa --Sreelu-- 2

Desa garvamu deepthi chendaga
Desa cherithamu tejarillaga
Desa marasina deera purushula
Telisi paadara tammudaa --2--

--Sreelu--

Reminded me of my school assembly, telugu teacher, Ms. Lakshmi's songs.. miss her.. RIP.

Got to look forward for more of Mickey Meyer's music.. awesome..

True music transcends all barriers and takes you into worlds prior to unknown to self :)....

and by the way, the latest favorite of the kiddo seems to be Relare from Varudu... beats are good, lyrics forget them :).. enjoy the beat !!

Mar 21, 2010

Refreshing Solitude

There are moments in life where you are in solitude from time to time, be it by choice or by chance.. there are times when you are amidst a group and yet feel lonely where as sometimes wherein you are alone but feel like you are in a group, with them in your memories... The past few years of my life have been a whirlwind of emotions and incidents but there was essentially never a moment of solitude or being alone from thoughts about I, me, myself and my life. I know.. "me and toes" but cant really help it.

I have always enjoyed eating out at times if not on a regular basis. I could kind of give you the food reviews at various places in my city of residence, visit.. be it Hyderabad, Vijayawada, Bangalore at different points in life.. but it was always a get together or a quick catching up with a friend over lunch/dinner or even a salad at the nearest salad bar. I used to grab a quite bite alone maybe a burger, a pastry, a pizza a salad plus or minus some soft drink but never a full course meal.

The point of this intro is, I had this doctor appointment in the evening and some baby shopping to do with it, so I set about to go to Vja, finish the shopping by around 2:30 and hungry by then I decided to grab a bite and then meet my cousins before the appointment. I usually call up either my uncle, friend, or cousins before I board the bus, they pick me up, stay with me during the entire stay and put me back on the bus. I make it a point to eat out with them but I am always hurried, you know they might have some work, I need to catch the bus back soon and things like that.. but this time I decide to do everything on my own, thanks to the decrease in my fainting spells or at least awareness before I faint :).. So, I go to this tiny little place called Tycoons a restaurant just behind Kalaniketan again to grab a quickie and maybe watch a movie at home with them.. but something changed.. when I entered that place, something just happened and I realize this is the first time I am not rushed, I am not lectured for what I am going to do before now and going back home and then let it go..

I knew a few people have comfort foods for blue days but to my horror I realized that food is my comfort, no wonder, my increasing girth says it all.. I was a liquid person and less of solids but now it is changed... I had enjoyed full 3-course meal alone, yes, yes... full aaramse, streching myself out, listening to awesome instrumental music in the background, just laid back, listening to what ears could catch, not consciously though and watching out things in general.. the guy at the entrance asked me if someone would join me.. I said no, he gives me those???? looks but politely takes me to one cozy corner, I plop myself down, give the order.. soup, starter, then noodles and then fruit salad with ice cream topped with a cherry.. it happened over a course of an hour.. I ate leisurely, enjoyed each morsel, thought about happy times with friends and family, happy times with my daughter and many more happy moments waiting for us in life. Not even for a moment was I conscious of my aches and pains, so many issues at home, or anything.. it was just happiness.. I did not tune myself to that nor did I shut down anything, it just did not appear.. a moment of magic.. an hour and a half of solitude enough to recharge for an year or so... I guess I need to take these breaks more often, with the kid safe at home under mom's care, who by now is adept at taking care of her and in fact both of them kind of started ignoring me.. well, I don't seem to be minding either... good for all the 3 of us, each of us gets the best of the moments. I am extremely happy with my mom's help, cant ask for more. All my grudge at not taking care of me or blah blah blah gradually vanishes into thin air with her more than making it up with my daughter in time of need, when I kind of seem to be down and out...

So, thanks mom for making it happen, Thank you God letting it be one of the best moments of life so far.

Maybe around 4 yrs. ago, if someone were to say that a lonely meal at a restaurant would fill me with such deep sense of rejuvenation I would have laughed it off.. but not now...

By the way, health is good, can work only for an hour and take a break for an hour or so and work... so amidst power cut and my daughter and utter chaos in life.. if time permits I dedicate my usual half-hour to blogging or blog hopping.. and there it ends, my half hour that is... :).

Cant help but put this up here in my journal before this lingering feel evaporates... yay and no prizes for guessing that there was not even a single grain wasted and not even the usual doggie pack, I sure have this large appetite these days.. phew, and mind you, the portion sizes were generous too :)!!!!

Mar 19, 2010

@#$%^*&(

Life sucks big time these days and the only respite is the LO's weak smile through her teething and growth pains amidst of our shared infections and milestones...

my ear pain... off and on over the past 2 years with a lot of pain and countless infections finally leads to neurological issues or whatever goddamn it is... first a tear, then vertigo.. right now a differential diagnosis of trigeminal neuralgia and a battery of tests on the prescription pad, I am sick and tired, sick and tired of the pain, sick and tired of the secretions, sick and tired of not being able to work, sick and tired of spending the almost nonexistent money like water for my own damn illness and most importantly sick and tired of having to stay away from my daughter for the fear of infecting her... .. damn the moment I had that pain, damn the time, place, and persons who are the root cause of it. Easy to say.. how can a blow 2 yrs. ago cause this pain now, it is something else.... to hell with whatever is the opinion, to hell with everything concerned to that incident, to hell with everyone associated with that including myself...

intolerable pain kept aside, every rupee that I spend on this damn thing, I feel like it is robbed from my daughter's happiness.. each moment I have to stay away from her running around hospitals and doctors is robbed from mine. I so so hate being sick... if I can just take that ear out and go on with life, how good would it be, just pluck it out and forget it.. if i can manage with one good leg, one good ear is going to be too good too!!!!

Thanks for the concern, thanks for the mails and comments, if you dont see me around much it is because I am advised to be off the system for a while... again, damn damn damn this damn ear :(.. am on now to apply for leave and update the status here.

When I get back around full-fledged it would be only when all is well, not just health wise.. there are a few things which are kept in pause mode in life, I need to put a period for my own sanity and give myself a break rather than holding on to something nonexistent.. So, when i am not around visiting doctors, agents, govt. officials for address proofs, etc., wish you guys good luck for whatever is going on your lives and yes, yes, yes... I need loads and loads of luck and lots of prayers and do wish me that the next post I do is when I find some respite from all these!!!

Mar 15, 2010

Yet Another Year...

and am not too excited about it.. I guess once you are on the other side of 30, the slower the year goes the better ;).

We complete the Virodhi naama samvatsaram and enter the Vikruthi... I personally do not at all like the name but got to live with it for the next 365 days in the Telugu Calender.

This past year has been what the name suggests to me and am wondering if this one would prove to the be same.

For the starters, we are both down and out health-wise, do wish us good luck and keep the kiddo in your prayers...

and for all of you all out there "Yugaadi Subhaakaankshalu".

Mar 14, 2010

Power-less!!

So, the saga of the cuts continue and in stead of not having power once in a while we have successfully gotten into a routine of having it in between... a sample day is like

6 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. -- Nay :(
10:30 to 12 or 12:30 -- Yay :)
12:30 p.m. to 2 pm. -- Nay :(
2 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. -- Yay :)
2:30 to 5 p.m. -- Maybe Nay :(, Maybe Yay :)
5 p.m. to 6:30 p.m. -- Yay :)
From 6:30 p.m. 10 min on 10 min off -- hide and seek playtime.

9 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. -- Hide and seek again.
Between 12 a.m. to 4 a.m. -- God's Mercy.

No power during municipal water timing, so no water in the overhead tank.
No power consistently, so all day long I switch on and off the system.
No power during mosquito time, so shut yourself in or out of the house with all doors and windows closed.

Not a day, not two, not a week, not two, it has been the case for almost a month... and looks like it only can become worse.. by the way, what does worse mean in this scenario... 2 hr. power supply is it?

With a CM who is there by chance and not choice and a PM who is there for more or less the same reasons, with madam trying to sacrifice for the bigger cause of giving the post to an Indian running the show from behind, who is it that I blame.

It obviously doesnt bother the rich 'cos they have inverters all the time.
It doesnt bother those in power, 'cos they stay in houses will all privileges.

So, who is the govt. catering to... a rich minority or not-so-rich minority who need it the most.

It is exam time and I can only pity the kids, back then in the good old days at least street lights were there to read, even in the not so old days there were lanterns to read, with the kerosene cut we cant even expect them...

Dont even get me started on anything today, 'cos I am sure I am waiting to let off that steam on something or someone... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... looks like I am going to have a panic power attack one of these days!!!

Mar 13, 2010

Here and There

The other day, I had the privilege of watching LP and NBK in action.. err. in emotion.. First thought.. too much and at finally, media sucks. TV-9, the sensational channel gives a marathon interview for I dont know how long with a visibly on the cloud-9 LP who says my son, my family and all that all the time. I dont know for what issue they both met and why this was made an issue, I did not think this was some event that needs to hog the newsprint and airtime.

I usually love Sridhar cartoons from Eenadu newspaper.. yesterday's being the Edison invented bulb and Rosaiah reinvented lantern... yes, he did but sir, to light the lantern we need kerosene and we just get 2 L of it on white card, so he in actuality reinvented dark ages!!! light less nights.

Naxal encounters... hmmm. brace for a few more in the near future, is all I can say. No comment.

Jr. NTR's wedding.. happy for the kid but isnt she too young, anyways, let me give them a quick blessing.. he deserves a lot of happiness.

T-suicides .. stop applying T color to any and every death and Srikrishna committee or whatever it is, should move a bit faster.

Ash's pregnancy -- give her a break, I dont like her too much either but I would want her to have peaceful life and recuperation from whatever it is that she has.

Sush's 2nd adoption -- way to go sweetheart.. love you all the more.

My Name is Khan -- a decent enough try.. but honestly it is not Karan's specialty to deal with such sensitive and sensible movies, stick to goody goody ones sweetheart.

Padma Nabham's death and Industry reaction -- sad but true, money and power rules, but sir you will be remembered, I still remember your song rendition in Vajrotsavam and you will remain in my heart forever and would love to watch you on screen with LO. RIP.

too many events that passed by and too many reactions.. just a few listed above...

ear sucks but spirit rocks!!!

and on the personal front me and bro eagerly await a disappearance threat to come to reality... looks like good days are on the horizon after all.

Mar 12, 2010

Human Rights???



I had been listening of too much gaga about human rights violation and all that, violation happens when there are rights. What rights are we talking about and how come there is a commission to such nonexistent rights??

It has been a long while since I actually shed so many tears for causes other than my personal issues. I dont have to do that either. IF nothing, I have hope for a better tomorrow. My life hasnt come to stand still in any way but I crib and cry for small reasons, even the smallest like you know too much of heat and my daughter breaking into an eczema because of that, on things that I cannot have control on. Anyways I digress..

Sunitha Krishnan, the voice, clear and strong, resonating in my ears even after much time had passed since I actually saw the video. Thanks Praneetha for sharing this wonderful piece. I had at one point checked TED talks regularly, but then I got busy with life and never gave them a glance until reminded by P. Overwhelming is the least I can say.

One thing hitting me hard from the back of the mind when the baby had taken a form in me is "sexual assault/harassment" in each and every sphere of life be it a baby boy or a girl.. if we think boys are safe, then maybe we need to think again. When madness goes beyond a point, gender doesnt matter. I am scared to hand my daughter even to family members without my presence, I never leave her in isolation with ANY ONE. The only one I trust her with and can sleep peacefully for a while is my mother and that too for a while. To them, I seem to be overreacting. I never curb the little one's happiness but I need to see that she is safe period.

Statistics are scary with regard to the sexual exploitation of small kids and surprisingly within the close family and the friends of the family and not the strangers. It need not be the act itself but any kind of inappropriate touch, talk, vision anything will scar them for life. They might not be able to point to it as THE thing bothering them but they know it is not natural, they are often silenced with fear, a sense of sin, dying within unable to come out of it. A few instances within the close family circuit left me shocked once up on a time but shocked or not, unfortunate truth is pedophiles do exist amongst very normal looking people. We teach the kids to be safe from strangers but how do we teach them to be safe from anyone. I dont know how I will go about it in the coming future but that is something which is always there at the back of my mind.

Of course, the video talk deals with another aspect, sex slavery but the 3 innocent children and their tales leave me gasping for breath, one look at my daughter and I shudder all the more.

The speaker is so right in pointing out that we avoid the victims and "victimizing the victims is the best that we can do." In a society where accepting a separated/divorced woman is a taboo even in the much educated society (was really shocked at certain rigid views in a forum recently), expecting these people to be accepted is a far cry but then there has be a beginning somewhere. One view about victims that shook me and affected me to the core is the view point of an ordinary educated woman that "victims (be it of marriage or rape or anything) are jealous of other happy/happily married individuals and that these people would not be happy sharing their happiness with some one like that. What the HELL??? Where are we by the way.

We speak so much about helping others, understanding others but when it comes to accepting them normally, nope we have my own inhibitions, fears.. great!!!! then why high claims of being modern, liberal and all the crap.

The victims do not need our sympathy, do not need our financial help, do not need anything material from us. In fact, they do not even need a kind word from us, just let them rebuild their lives without being biased. Cant we do just that. Step aside from our own points for a second and think from that person's and cant we co-exist without hurting them. Why criticize, ostracize, and isolate them. They already have their cup overflowing with woes, physical, emotional, psychological, do we need to put in even a drop knowingly or unknowingly. Nope, thanks but no thanks. Just let them be.

It is an xyz now we might be talking about with a cool comfortable roof on our heads, a good paycheck, some free time to browse in the office or at home.. If we even set about thinking whatif it were to be ME or my immediate family, would I be reacting the same way, maybe a lot more happy faces would be there in the world that greets us day in and day out.

Check..Sunitha's blog out HERE and do help with rescue mission that she has undertaken. I pledge my support, how about you guys!!!

and to find more about the mission and ways to support this particular cause check out here

and do watch TED talks if you get time.

Mar 11, 2010

Zing.. Chillax Mornings

Me and the LO watch Zing channel Chillax mornings at times when time and power permits.. these 2 songs caught after a long time were too good, kept humming them whole day. LO loved the second one for music obviously :).

Movie: Life in Metro by Adnaan Sami

Baatein kuchh ankaheesi, kuchh ansuneesi hone lagee
kaabu dilpe rahaa naa, hasti hamaari khone lagee
wo o o o o o o........
shaayad yahi hai pyaar -2-

kehde mujhse dil mein kyaa hai, aisa bhi kya guroor
tujhko bhi to horahaa hai thoda asar jaroor
yeh khaamoshi jeenenade, koito baat ho
wo o o o o o o........
shaayad yahi hai pyaar - 2-

tu hi meri roshni hai, tu hi chiraag hai
dheere dheere mitjaayega, halkaasa daag hai
ye zeher bhi yu piya hai, jaise sharaab ho
wo o o o o o o........
shaayad yahi hai pyaar - 2-

Check out HERE

Yet another one just loved this one for music and voice... and also captures the essence their whole chance meeting and life, too good to listen to for a change.

Movie: Paa by Shilpa Rao

Mudi mudi kahaan kahaan, kahaan mein mudi mudi ittefaaq se
Judi judi jahaan kahaan, kahaan mein judi judi ittefaaq se
Ghadi ghadi kyun mein kyun udi, main udi kyun, ghadi ghadi kyun udi.
Judi judi kyun mein kyun udi mein udi, judi judi kyun udi
kyun uni mudi thi judi ittefaaq se --2--

Khuli khuli mein chali chali mein khili khili ittefaaq se
gali gali mein chali chali mein mili mili ittefaaq se --2--

udi udi na ladi ladi mein ghadi ghadi judi judi udi
Judi judi na mudi mudi mein ghadi ghadi khadi khadi udi
kyun mili kyun khili kyun chali mein
kyun udi kyun mudi kyun judi mein
kyun mili judi mein udi ittefaaq se --mudi--

Thinking of Paa reminds me of another song.. Hichki... Lovely song with a wonderful meaning. Sunidhi renders this song really well, one of my favorites in the latest movies.

Movie: Paa by Sunidhi Chouhan
hichki hichki hichak hichki ho na jaana
khwaabon ki gali mein tu yaad banke kho na jaana --2--

hichak hichki ka aana jaana
sisak siski ka taana baana
kiski hichki hai, kiski siski hai
siskiyon ki bheed mein tu khona jaana
hichki hichki hichak hichki ho na jaana

hichak hichki -4-

jo hai pataa wona bataa,
raaz chupaane mein hai sachha mazaa
hichak hichki -2-

kehna hai jo keh doge na, baatein banane ko hai
kuch na bachaa
hichak hichk -2-

hasti hoon mein kyunki meine kabhee kuch na kahaa
baaton hi mein baaton se tu baaton ko na badhaa
hothon ki baatein kabhi hothon se jaae nahin
hothon pe rehne do na jaan.


--hichak hichki-- 2--

jaane dona, jeene dona
jeene se roko nahi jaane do na --hichak, hichki-- 2-

jaane na woh, jaanega toh jiyega aise jaise koi sazaa
hichak hichki -2-

hasta hai woh kyunki tune abhi kuch na kaha
baaton hi mein baaton se tu baaton ko na badhaa
hothon ki baatein kabhi hothon se jaaye nahi
hothon pe rehne de na jaan --hichki--

siskiyonki bheed mein tu kho na jaana, a biggest lesson for life

Listen to them both HERE

I found the music in my life again and it does feel good to be able to enjoy life without inhibitions.

Mar 10, 2010

Political Empowerment... Women

Well, this seems to be the catch word for the day yesterday, it being the Women's Day and the bill passed in the Rajya Sabha, there is happiness everywhere. This approval from the nominated representatives of each party took so much of high drama and attempts to stop and stuff like that, wonder what it is going to be when it comes to the assembly. Well, got to see.

Am I happy, what is my take on it..

In the first place, what is this women's bill... what is in it for a woman. More jobs, more money, more college seats? What exactly is it all about. What is it for a layman to understand. Well until I got to actually read about it I kind of thought it was about increasing the women reservation in colleges and jobs.. well, I am not alone and maybe there are few of the very well-educated women who dont really bother to know about it. My help looks at the paper or rather glances it and seeing the front page asks.. "akka entakka gelichindi manam... andaala potila?" what is it that we won akka, a beauty contest. I say nope we as women got the right to be a part of the decisions taken in the nation. She draws a blank and says okay, does that mean we get more Dwacra loans? I was like Whatt?? and I say to my mom, see mom, the woman wins after all and she is like okay, will women be paid equally with men in all sectors now?? Again I was like +???????.

Nope, nothing has been done and nothing will be done in an instant but yes, the number of voices for or against a decision is going to increase in terms of representation by woman.. fair enough for the starters.

So, what is it that we won..a right to be a part of decision making, 33% reservation for women to come out open into politics. The power to be able to have a say in decision making in this by and large fraternal community where father is the head of the family and mother takes care of the family. In the larger picture, it is a very small step.. but in actuality a biiiiiiiig achievement for an Indian woman. On paper, it seems pretty much appealing to me but in reality WHAT?? is what bothers me the most. Women in politics are often crushed until and unless there is a backing and obviously that backing is by prominent/dominant men in her life.. be it a father, husband, brother, or even a son. So, under such circumstances what good would it do. A woman should stop shouting at the rooftops to be empowered and just take it into her hands is what I feel.

Okay, the bill is passed unanimously in the center and UPA govt. proves to be THE govt to get it done.. then what?? Many women have come forward in the grassroots level and come into active politics thanks to some reservations at Panchayat Level. There was a time when the concept of woman in politics was laughed at. There are women at the grass root level politics but not even 1% has even an idea of any single thing, they are just lead by men, they are just stamp heads whereas men get to rule from behind.

One had to be from very influential family with great political backing to be even be able to stand on the same dias as the men but of late this has changed, but I guess only superficially. It is also an unfortunate reality that women in active politics are famous for a lot of other things than the actual accomplishments. There however are certain exceptions where women outshine men from family in the politics like say Priyanka any given day if she takes an interest would be more popular and has more mass appeal than Rahul. Purandareswari has won a battle singlehandedly and got noticed for her work and caliber rather than claiming a family legacy for her success like the other men in her family do. Sonia has a tighter rein I guess on the party than Rajiv himself would have had. But for every single successful woman there are 100s who are a miserable failure and even a blotch with their cheap comments and corrupt acts.. why is it so? Why cant woman hold on their own in politics, because take it or leave it an Indian women is still controlled by a man in her life.

If she has to be independent and take a totally uninfluenced stand on anything she needs to be really really strong and capable. So, of this 33% how many are going to be with awareness and proper education. I always wonder, man or a woman, how are these elected representatives chosen who do not even have knowledge of their own ward or constituency let alone anything else empowered to pass bills and make laws that impact the whole of Indian population? Well we chose them so no point questioning either.

If we had to have at least a 10th class certificate to hold a sweeper job in the govt. office these days, aren't the law makers/rulers supposed to be a step higher.. well, like always I digress..

.. a Rabri Devi brought forward by Laaloo to the political front to keep the power in family is by and large the political situation of women.. will this change? Yes, it has got to but when.. only when education plays the vital role and not gender, money or anything else.

On the whole, yes, I am happy it at least stepped out of one house after a long battle and even the impending wait at the other house seems to be nothing compared to this little victory which in fact is a victory of large magnitude in reality...

One Renuka Chowdary or a Purandareswari has made it successfully in AP politics but again if you look at it they both hail from an influential community and with strong financial backing more than anything else.. I am still on the lookout for some woman who breaks all the barriers to make it on her own and make that much needed difference, no matter how tiny it is... It is a tough task for a woman to maintain her dignity in whatever chosen public position be it and in the murkier politics it is all the more difficult, in fact maybe 10 times as difficult than the guys.

In a place where woman is worshiped as God yet the girl child is unwelcome and even killed, in a place where women with modern dressing and thought process are termed lewd or slut, and in a place where even in the very well-to-do families and well educated families there is a difference between the way a boy and a girl are brought up, do we expect them to be empowered just in a day or two with the so-called 33% reservation. In a place where women have to request the men despite of the glaring WOMENS ONLY seats in the bus, I have a big big doubt.

I would love if LO were to chose this path but then it is left to her. Do I want to be a part of it all.. well, maybe yes.. being in power need not necessarily mean exercising power, it gives the power to make people take notice, give a thought to what you say... so to me power is not to empower self but to bring forth my thoughts and ambitions to the fore and to ensure that people do give it a thought even for a second and empower them. You know, not to wait for the change to happen but be the change for a change. :).

Good luck Woman and Good Luck Indian Politics!!!

and by the way, this is a big question only if it is approved by Loksabha.. will it reach that house ever or get passed in it if it does.. time needs to give the answer. I feel it is very premature to jump in joy or cry foul but I have my own doubts.

Mar 9, 2010

Dear Daughter - 11


Dearest LO:

I never knew that of all things in this universe, I would hate a calender month. Yes, darling I am getting hate to this month of February 'cos it has 2 days less and make you a 11-month-old 2 days earlier. I know it is my madness to hold it against February 'cos when 11 months passed in a ziffy so would those 2 days, but still....

I dont like writing this letter to you as it is a reminder to me that you are officially a 11-month-year old infant. Why is time running so fast, just a blink ago you were not even there in my life and when I open my eyes I see you in front of me, suddenly seeming like a full-blown individual. You have your likes, dislikes, choices and you make sure that you communicate them to everyone around you.

A teeny tiny baby would just closed/opened eyes, pee'd, poop'd, drank milk and slept blissfully now has a whole lot of things to do. You still make me dance around your little finger but your little finger is not too little any more. Isnt it strange, instead of rejoicing your milestones, the mom keeps whining about lost babydom. You now want to stand up on your own, all the waking time is spent practicing it, you want to stand up at any cost. I am happy at the progress made but at the same time, I see you slipping away into exploring this world on your own without any aide. I am not too particular about your clinging on to me all the time but I somehow I feel scared to leave your hand to take those tiny steps on your own. Scared not just about your fall on hard floor now but also in life ahead. But let me brace myself from now on and God, please do give me the courage to let her be.

This past month has been a month of illness, so much of viral illness around.. lick, pluck, suck everything in the vicinity and sneeze, cough, and run temperature has been the life for a while. It almost killed me to see you not eat anything for a while, you suddenly stopped eating or drinking but you were your playful self.. doc said it was a phase and in deed it was, but each second of your food refusal and force feeding left me drained. Your vocabulary is increasing by leaps and bounds and am surprised to note that you do observe people a lot and mimic them. It sometimes leaves me with an open mouth at how accurately you copy people.. you mimic taatee snoring, amma coughing, aunty bathing you, name it and you do it. Am really really really surprised. You have a mind of your own and do things at your own will and not when prompted, good I like that:).

You know what exactly you want, where exactly to stop and how to let the other person handling you know what is on your mind, phew so much of independence. I see so much of me in you that it makes me shudder, hope you are dont get as mad as I do in anger and look before you leap.

I havent really anticipated anything that you do in the first year of your life would leave me so proud of you and myself and leave me beaming all over. You are a very social kid and you are very happy when around people, you dont shy away from the people you see daily. You should have a person that you trust with you to go to anyone happily. If we are around, you are too happy to go to strangers even. If for some reason they try to walk away taking you far from our vision, then you raise a siren so loud that no one dares to do that. We had been to the doctor's office, you were running a fever but seeing other kids crying you just stopped sobbing and set about making them happy, smiling at them, touching them, looking them in their eyes, making funny faces, noises and even sharing your toys.. this to elder children than you, a 10-month-old cheering up 5-something-year olds... well, I am impressed and you can only imagine how bloated I was than my already bloated self, top of the world, extremely happy to see you put in efforts to make others happy, what else can I ask for. I havent even set about teaching you and you already do it, guess you have it in you. JUST be like that.

Then suddenly it dawned on me why you are loved by all, why no one even bothers to hand you over to me when you soil their clothes, why they dont think twice before cleaning you up with their right hand if there is a potty accident, why they dont mind when you lick them all over or stuff their mouth with something that you have been chewing for a long time covered with your drool.. that is because my sweetheart you are an angel who gives them that unconditional love which is really really rare in this material world. As your mom, I take up every bit of it like a thirsty desert traveler in search of an oasis at the brink of death and so do others. God bless!!!!!

I was scared to bring you into this world so full of malice and selfishness but you prove me wrong that not everything is as bad and as a parent it is in my hands to not let you drift along and get into the mechanical life and just retain this charm and pass it on to next generations. Such a big bad world suddenly seems pretty with so many children... how good would it be if they all just retain that kid's unconditional love towards life.

For the first time, I had those tears of a proud parent.. I guess the other parents and the doc were at loss as to why I was getting all too senti.. they consoled me that the kid is happy and playing why are you crying ;) and I did not bother to correct them.

If I am listing out just good things about you, not to worry the not-so-good ones are here too.. you do not like wearing clothes :((((((((((((((... waaaa... dressing you up is a biiiiiiiig task, shameless puppy :(. You lick, pluck, suck, pull, tear everything and the destination of each and every object is your mouth.. yukkky baby. You do not like juices :(((((, you love water but a little change in taste, phurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... gunnai baby, you want to pull off dirt/dust from even the remotest corner... donga pandu baby... but you know what, these are what all the kids do, exploring surroundings and tastes, so over all you are my chitti chichkoo baby.. touchwood.

Be happy, be healthy, take it slow, enjoy each moment of your life, live in the moment like you have been all the while. Spread the same cheer and happiness everywhere you go. Dont ever let that smile of yours fade ever and if it is in your hands, please please dont grow so fast.

Love you loads,
a silly mom with nonstop tears at each of your milestones.

Mar 8, 2010

Sens(e)ational

A beautiful sunset view from the bench just outside the village.

Nature offers us so much, it is just that we forget enjoying that amidst of total chaos that we create for ourselves.

It is an absolute joy to enjoy the nature when peace all of a sudden engulfs you from all corners, especially the early morning and the sunset-evenings. Mornings these days are packed up with work and sleep, but the walks in the evening, me and my daughter enjoy are a delight to my senses.

The greenish yellow crop, a view from the roadside canal cement bench with paddy stacks.. superb!!

The crops in the fields just bordering the village, the kuppalu or the paddy stacks in the middle of the farm after the harvest, the blackgram fields ready for the harvest, the cool evening breeze, the green earth, the blue, orange, gray skies and people on the road stopping by to say a quick hi or accompany for a while, awww so heavenly.

the greenery in the paddy fields just before sunset, a view from the other end of the village.

The paddy fields and the chepala cheruvulu or the fish ponds with nets on top of them, the coconut and toddy palm trees, can there be a heaven anywhere else :). You feel like living amidst of the greenery all the while, a pleasure to the eyes and a balm for a tired soul.

I am glad the kid gets to enjoy all these at this tender age and am concerned how long I could provide her with this pollution-free life but anyways why worry about later and ruin the present.. sochnaa kya, jobhi hoga dekha jayega :).

The sounds of the cattle, the dust rising from the brooms in the evening, the water sprinkled to keep the dust down, the smell of the cattle sheds, the bleeting of the sheep/goat, the sounds of the hen/chicken going to their shelter after a tiring day of hunting worms, the women cooking on the clay stoves, the smell of burning wood and cowdung cakes preparing the evening meal, the cow dung water sprinkled in front of the homes, the ladies putting rangoli for the next morning, the oldies chatting on the arugulu (sit-outs), the kids reading out their homework aloud, the sweet scent of jasmine, sampangi drifting in the air, the orange skies and the golden sunsets, the temple bells and the chants by the priests, the smoke from the burning trash heaps to ward away the mosquitoes, the cycle bells on the roadside, the smell of the yummy bajji, punugulu, jalebi, on the roadside eateries, people squatting, sitting, standing and chatting away after a day's hard work...

These are the sounds/smells/sights welcoming the mother and daughter as they take their evening walks taking in the nature and each other setting aside all their worries with mom pushing the stroller and the kid sitting upright and taking in the pure air. The sense of security and happiness inhaling that air and taking in all the sights is what gives me that feeling that not everything is rotten in lifey. Do I even want to think about setting my foot out of here, a village which spans may be just about a kilometer or so in its length on the main road with just around 5 K people, most of them oldies with the younger lot going out to towns for livelihood.. nope, but I have to in a short time in quest of better future and a little higher income to see us through...

Mar 7, 2010

Yem Maaya.... Chesave

Well, 30s may not be the right age to be reviewing the movie YMC or maybe it Just IS.. it is a young love story for the younger lot but will surely take one through the memory lane.

**It will surely appeal to those who have successful love stories.
**Will touch a cord with those who had to miss out on their true love because of pressure of whatever kind.
**Will bring in the memories for those who had it rough in their first love.
**Stir up the emotions for those whose first crush was a total crash.
**Leave you feeling good if you have not ever fallen in true love.
**Will drive some sense into those who fall in and out of love like they change their dress.
**Will make you feel like it is a drag and waste of time movie if you go in with a lot of things on mind.. if you watch it with a free and open mind to enjoy the magic on screen, it will take you through an amazing journey of love of two individuals.. too good to be true yet unfolding in front of your eyes.

It has been a while since there was an out and out love story in Telugu with youth in it. This one has a refreshing touch with good looking actors. For a change no routine comedy actors as friends/side kicks. Krishnudu as Krishnudu is good. Sound track grows on you gradually and the maestro Rehman does not fail to touch you musically yet again. A couple of songs with Malyalam lyrics but still I enjoyed them all, however, the telugu lyrics I feel haven't done justice to the music track like Praveen points out. My favorite is Kundanapu bomma and Hosaanna, good beats, good music, overall feel good feeling.

Chaitu seems to be an apt choice for the lead role, 1. he is new, 2. he is sweet. 3. he is good. and Samantha is Beeeaaauuuttiiffuull... loved her, girl next door look... voice reminded me of Gopika's in Naa Autograph.. may be the Malayalam Connection ;).

For a change the hero is not the one who decides the course of their life, it is the girl who takes an upper hand.. the girl is not an absolutely adorable brainless bimbo wanting to die and live for the sake of love. She has a sensible head over her shoulders, she loves the guy, but she is extremely cautious even to the point of being selfish for what she wants, she puts the guy to a lot of tests. She has an urge to be with him, yet the same time she wants to be herself, she wants to give in but wants to hold her own. She seems to be very unclear and fickle-minded but she actually is in total control though confused at some points. Yes, she is the girl of today, a woman of substance.

The guy is good, he is clear as to what he is, knows what he wants from the beginning. He is head over heels in love with the girl yet he has a clear goal of his career in front of him. He has to have the girl but he has to have his life too.. He dreams of a life with the girl he loves in the career he loves, no compromise.. going out all for it. Persistent, romantic, bold, enterprising. The rejection or confusion does not leave him in the lurch, he does not hit the bottle or the road blaming the girl. Like they say, he rises in love not falls in it. That is the beauty of it all. Glad to see such a sensible movie in the days of utter chaos. It is nothing wrong to fall in love, it is nothing wrong to go about different ways, but is totally wrong to throw away the beautiful life.

This is the first movie I saw of Goutam Menon but must say I am looking forward to a lot more from him.

Loved the dialogues, loved the way lead pair performed in their getting to know scenes, the puppy love between them, Chaitu's expressions, their roadside serious conversations, every single thing. Samantha's sweetness created that magic. The movie seemed to be a drag at times, the language mix was too much at times but at the end of it all I dont know what really worked, but it did. It did appeal to me in a way no love story had in the recent times. Nothing unreal, that is what happens in youth, so much of confusion, so much of conflict, but ultimately you like it. Beautiful portrayal and a happy ending.

I was a big fan of Geetanjali, but must say this equals or maybe excels my past favorite in terms of preference. To me Jessie and Karthik are one of the best onscreen lovers followed by Geeta and Prakash :).

*****
Life taught me that first love doesn't need to be the love that will stay with you in your heart forever, the one which you thought was love as a kid is mostly never that, just a figment of your fertile imagination in a wild teenage... Love doesn't happen when you want to escape from something and use it as a means, love doesn't happen when you want it to happen. When you fall in love, you don't wait for the other to say that, go ahead and say it, when it does happen, you will feel that magic and time just flies and sadly some times you just wonder how fast it came and how fast it left but yes. Love that culminates into marriage is what I feel is the best of all. You love someone and you get that person for life. Such love once you get the taste of it never leaves you no matter how bitter things get in between the couple, they do haunt once in a while, the magic it creates is something that will only leave you with your life. There is love in life always, it just changes the form.. I am in love, all over again... the best and truest form than ever, with new life, with new beginnings and new tiny reflection of mine with those naughty sweety still-toothless smiles.
****
Finally, if love were to be as sweet, honest, simple, cute, bubbly, nice and magical as portrayed in the movie, I would want the exact same to be showered on the LO throughout her life, touchwood and God bless!!

Youth and Energy in Movies..

It is refreshing to see young blood in the industry after long... the talent is abundant, the energy is amazing, the technology and its utilization is mind blowing. Old is gold no doubt about it but new is wow too :).

I had ample of time thanks to the connectivity issues this past couple of days and what best to enjoy it, watch movies, the ones you like and enjoy.

I had a lot of To-Watch Movies in the list.. but with kid, job, health, constraints I barely got to watch any... In that order, it was
**Maya Bazaar.
**Leader.
**Yem Maaya Chesave.
**My Name is Khan.
**Karthik Calling Karthik.

The new colored Maya Bazaar on big screen must be amazing, but I just could not manage when it was close by and cant afford to go just for the movie to VJA leaving the kid for around 6 to 7 hours for a movie even if it is MB and Vivaha Bhojanambu Song!! So, it is still a dream.

However, I manage to catch up with YMC and Leader, YMC, I will review about today and Leader I would love to watch one more time and then go for reviewing.. there are a few scenes which really really touched me.. this one surely falls into the best movie I ever watched in Indian Language in political genre...awesome movie.

A lot of people might disagree with me on what I am going to say... but I feel the younger generation actors are more refined and talented than their parents. No offense to any one, I loved their performances too but it is their kids who score more points with me with their ease of acting and the way they carry themselves. I fail to understand why Big B is such a legend he is made out to be. He is good not extraordinary but so are a lot of people, I personally do not see anything too great to be called "be all and end all" of the industry. I admire this guy too much for his hard work, the way he diligently journals in the blog, the way he carries himself at this age but I feel acting wise, AB baby Abhishek is better (purely personal viewpoint it is).

Similarly, NTR maybe a legend but the overacting kind of grosses me out.. we know they are acting. He is good in mythological roles but social movies, the drama is too much for me to take. Maybe it was the need of the day, but it was clear that those guys were acting. The language, the mannerisms, everything looked fake and made up. Social movies in the late 70s were good but as the time passed by, they got on to me. There were great movies, they were great actors but the style.. uhhu.. not to my liking. Next generation NBK is a little better but still that drama streak exists. Come Jr., he is good, natural, normal like any other teenager his age. The Over Acting gradually giving way to normal, natural, subtle, non-dramatic acting. You can identify with actors crying these days where as I cant imagine crying like NTR or ANR or the likes. It was an era which maybe termed Golden but to me, the art of movie making got refined with the time and so did the actors.

Similarly, Raj Kapoor, Rishi, and Randhir/ANR, Nag and Chaitu/ Krishna and Mahesh Babu/Venkatesh and Rana, they are getting refined as the generations pass. They have everything on the platter, the star sons but it only helps until the launch platform or a couple of movies early on but for the masses/class audience to accept them they need to have the potential and I guess these guys have it. Refreshing to see the young romancing young and the people acting their age on screen. Sick and tired of watching 60-year-old NTR romancing 20 something olds or 50-something NBK acting 25-something, movies with stories woven around a so-called Star's image. The movies lose their meaning with meaning less mannerisms strongly interwoven with no regard to the story or the technique.

The change is for good.. the movie making has become a passion. There is a cult-like following for the makers. Film makers like Bapu, K. Vishwanath, Bala Chandar have given their best. Jandhyala comedy is ultimate and no one can beat it even to date. Of them all, I personally like Mani Ratnam, Shekhar Kapoor, RGV because of their excessive passion. Their thought process is amazing, something which touches me to the core, sometimes shakes me up and makes me see their point. There is something or the other to learn from.. Shekhar and RGV are more open whereas Mani is silent, each has a different approach but equally manage to evoke strong thought process in me. I am a religious follower of their blogs and do have a lot of influence in my personal life as well.

They are like a fresh breeze..

I have watched 2 movies in 2 day's span.. of cousins Rana and Chaitu, both are different, each has their own strength and weaknesses but they excelled in what they did. Rana is lucky to get such an amazing launch pad whereas Chaitu lost out on it in Josh. He has portrayed the role of Karthik in YMC with such an ease that it is difficult to say it is his second movie. He was very natural, could just see Karthik and not Chaitu.. the movies that appeal to me are the ones where the actors get into characters, not otherwise. Good job guys, watching out for more and rooting out for you.. so any guesses as to who my latest favorites are :).. yup, yup, yup, Jr., Chaitu, Rana and Shruthi Hasan in the girs.. way to go and Good luck.

Mar 5, 2010

Sick!!

Thanks to the current problem mentioned a few posts earlier and a worse situation w.r.t. power, 12 plus hours at times any time of the day, take it or leave it, I have to work in the ungodly hours and in a way blissfully unaware of what is happening around me and vertigo is not doing too good either... why the hell am I blogging then... hehehe ;).. 'cos it is the only sane adult conversation I seem to be having these days, err.. at least a monologue.

One good thing is during the day me and kiddo end up having a ball (touchwood) with her never resting a minute trying to stand up on her own and walk around and even demanding to be walked around. I am getting the much needed exercise too.

I just finish my work for the day.. err night.. err day whatever!!! and before closing just check out the headlines and find this 3-year-old murdered in Aussie.. what the hell, what the Hell, WHAT THE HELL????

Do I even want to know what is happening. NOPE.

I stopped seeing newspaper first thing in the morning because by the time I wake up the kid reads.. err.. chews/tears/throws major chunks of news, so I am out of sync with everything and thankfully so.

The latest thing media gets fodder for a few days until another sensation is the swamy exposure mania I guess. Those fake Godmen, phew.. point of an entire post altogether, but I would just say who gives the fake Godmen the power to create mass frenzy, we ourselves.. media hype, personal interests, etc. but when something goes wrong they are EXPOSED.

Had been unfortunate enough to catch a passing glimpse of the young swamy what the hell.. from when do we have Adult news channels and why the hell should it be telecast a 100 times over.. need some urgent mass media censoring in place in India at least.

What good is it showing his (s)explicit deeds... Every man has a right to his personal choices and he after all is a human too, it is we the common people with herd mentality who make them Gods, so if people are being cheated by them, it is because they are willing to be cheated. For those who cry foul, I say "WELL YOU DESERVE IT for not believing yourself and giving into those wierdos and in a way those still under aura are a lot better 'cos they are in refusal mode and for them there is no problem at all. Like everything else in this present day world the gurus are adulterated too, sigh!!

News channels exposing.. MY FOOT. The gurus manipulate a few people who believe them blindly but you guys do the worst possible damage. It is clearly the media which is worse(r) evil.

In a way, my kid surely knows what to trash. The news is worth trashing out of the universe anyways. Hope, we can just throw those trash creators too.

Mar 3, 2010

Battles Won

It refuses to come out and I refuse to give up... :). Wondering what?? the toothpaste. I forgot to add toothpaste the list of groceries and forgot to get it the previous day either. Everyday for the past 1 week, it is only at the time of brushing do I realize that I need to get another one and forget promptly. Already squeezed beyond its capacity, it was kind of down and out but I just wouldnt accept defeat cut it open and wipe off whatever is remaining, so I won it you see :))..

When I begin to think I have lost it everywhere, I decide to look at the minutest possibility to win and the victory seems almost too good.. I know I am losing it.

On a serious note, only necessity makes us utilize the resources so thoroughly completely, had there been another tube I would have left a lot in it, in fact enough for 8 more days and go ahead with the new one, wasting the old tube. So while brushing, I get my lesson for the day, with or without the spare, utilize the current resource completely before jumping to another, never procrastinate, DO IT. A man does not utilize his true potential unless pushed into a corner or unless there is an absolute need to do it, or at least I cant and maybe that is the reason I am put into too much of struggle mode, self-created maybe subconsciously to keep me occupied with self and surroundings rather than crib and cry on others.. good in a way, yet bad for peace of mind.... too much of gyaan ;).

and by the way, another win, I do shut out people from life, those who cause pain don't exist to me beyond a point of tolerance and there has never been an opportunity so far to reopen those shut chapters. Some one from that past suddenly crops up from out of nowhere after almost a decade and strangely I did not react. There was so much of hatred, so many questions, so much of mystery but even when I dust the memories out of the remotest corner of mind (not heart, just the mind) there is nothing really that I need to, want to know, the feelings of anger, hurt, confusion, once of such a huge magnitude just vanished into thin air. At some point there were so many questions but now they seem utter waste. A part of me was trying to bring out the anger and get it out of the system for once and for all but nothing really worked, you bring out what exists within. The anger dissipated, the confusion cleared and in that place there is calm and quiet composure which I never knew existed. When had it happened, yesterday, day before, some time last week, year or gradually over the decade. When my conscious mind tries to find an answer, there it emerges.

Human mind is gifted with self-garbage removal system it is only that we consciously keep refilling it with new dirt all the time. If you truly wish to get out, you will. So, what do I feel about the knock on the locked door, the best thing that ever happened so far in my life was that lock in the first place.

Another major victory is the control on the past and the present and I did feel relieved to see that aspect of my personality come to the forefront 'cos I always had this doubt what about that pent-up anger which was there at one point. Nothing, nothing really exists. It is the present that is the gift and the future that is a surprise that keeps us going...

... and that one incident makes me look at the present in a different perspective. This phase too will pass and I would maybe just laugh it off or take it with a calm dignity. Glad it happened, now I know myself a little better.

So, when you are on the lookout you tend to learn from each and everything!!

Mar 2, 2010

Light at the end..

There come certain phases in life where you begin to see a light at the end of the current tunnel and go with hope that it is indeed a way out but to your horror realize it is the light from another train in the opposite direction... with a lot of difficulty one pulls up the strings and they come undone and pull you down falling in front of the legs, it is painful, too damn painful it is.

There have been instances in the past people pointing out my disability. The first time I kept quiet about it, lead to so many things which eventually left me disabled in the true sense. I should have backed out when people showed that as an excuse for somethings important in life. But then there are so many things that should not have happened.

I personally never felt so down, never felt disabled about my leg but for the first time in my life I feel handicapped, disabled second time over. This bloody ear of mine is giving so many problems one after the other and is rendering me incapable of working. Surgery is on hold but the structural damage or whatever Goddamn it is, is making me prone to giddiness, infections, too many antibiotics, too much of medication dependence.. sick and tired.

I don't mind becoming totally deaf in one ear rather than hear half through it with so many infections and get by with one good ear but I just cant take this pain/frustration of not being able to work any longer with the headset on, a luxury of working from home watching the kid coming to an end... BUT I refuse to give up!!! I MUST conquer it and this would be my truest and toughest battle of life. There are other avenues to be explored, training and management, but that needs moving which I will have to do ASAP.

They say when God closes all the doors he leaves at least a window open, I am on the lookout for it and waiting to eventually fly free.

Mar 1, 2010

Nee sankalpaaniki aa vidhi saitam chetulettali....

Too good... written by Chandra Bose and tuned by Keeravani one of the very inspirational songs of this decade maybe that flows from the silky soft voice of Chitra, a balm to the wounded soul and the biggest gist of life in the simplest of words...

Mounamgaane edagamani mokka neeku chebutundi
Edigina koddi odagamani ardhamandulo undi
Apajayaalu kaliginachote gelupu pilupu vinipistundi
Aakulanni raalina chote kotta chiguru kanipistundi --mounam--

Dooramento undani digulu padaku nestamaa
Darikicherchu daarulu kuda unnaayigaa
Bhaaramento undani baadhapadaku nestamaa
Baadha venta navvula panta untundigaa
Saagara madhanam modalavagane vishame vachchindi
Visuge chendaka krushi chestene amrutamichindi
Avarodhaala deevullo aananda nidhi unnadi
Kashtaala vaaradhi daatina vaariki sontamavutundi
Telusukunte satyamidi, talachukunte saadhyamidi --mounam--

Chemata neeru chindagaa nuduti raata maarchuko
Maarchalenidedi ledani gurtunchuko
Pidikiley biginchagaa cheti geetha maarchuko
Maariponi kadhale levani gamaninchuko
Tochinattugaa andari raatanu brahme raastadu
Nachchinattuga nee talaraatanu nuvve raayaali
Nee dhairyaanni darsinchi daivaale tala dinchagaa
Nee adugullo gudi katti swargaale tariyinchagaa
Nee sankalpaaniki aa vidhi saitam chetulettali
Antuleni charitalaki aadi nuvvu kaavali --mounam--

So, this is one more that the kid gets to listen at least once a day... So, it boosts the spirit and shouts out aloud "NEVER SAY NEVER".

Inspirational from Pravs World

Pravsworld is an amazing morale booster and inspirational in true sense to me... It is a kind of tonic to the soul, the quintessential vitamin dose for the mind and soul :).. way to go pravs, thanks for that...

A few of them which I had received in the mailer today, like I say capture the essence what maybe a whole book or entire vocabulary cannot put together in a place.

**Don't let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs... Relationships work best when they are balanced.

**Never explain yourself to anyone.. 'cos the ones who like you do not need it and the ones who dislike you will not believe it.

**When you keep saying you are busy, then you are never free. When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time. When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.

**We make them cry who care for us and cry for them who will never care. For the one who truly cares,will never make us cry.

**Worth remembering: don’t make promise when you are in Joy, don’t reply when you are sad, and don’t take decision when you are angry. Think Twice.. Act Wise :).


**When we wake up in the morning, we have 2 simple choices. Either go back to bed and dream, or chase those dreams. Choice is yours.. I made mine!!

First I was dying to grow up to go to school
Then I was dying to finish school and go to college to get that freedom
Then I was dying to finish college and start working to get independent
Then I was dying to find someone in life to share and care, to marry and to have children.
After dying so many deaths, suddenly down the line I realize that dying for a moment to happen is not worth it, it is living each of those moments that matter.. do not die a thousand deaths for your needs and wants which keep changing every once in a while in stead live for each and every moment that is offered to you, taking each second as it comes.. in quest of something to die for always, I forget to live at times...

So I made my choice to be happy and content but sometimes the resolution slips... so I pray for a tighter control :).

For Evil Eyes on LO