There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Feb 27, 2011

Voice To Words

Good news to the people who would like to listen to audio books than read..

Koti Kommachi

is now in the audio form..

I must say this is a good effort.. I would, however, have loved it in his voice but it is no longer possible..

check the review here by sahitya-Abhimani and dont forget to listen to the teaser and I really really love the song already and am humming it while I type it :).

I also came across
Attagaari Kathalu by Bhanumathi in audio form in pathabangaram rare gems and golden collections...but this is one audio book I so felt that the author said it in her own voice because I know her voice and her and must say now her attagaaru as well.

I still love the book, the feel of it in hand though :).

Feb 25, 2011

Uncle Pai

Amar Chitra Katha and Tinkle are perhaps the comic series which every book-loving kid had read and been a fan of.  I, for one, was.. Feb 24 would remain as a memorable day in a sad way to me in a couple of ways.. two people who I admired for their comic sense and timing left the world..

Uncle Pai,  the man behind my favorite comics series is no more.  RIP, uncle Pai.

Feb 23, 2011

Bapu Ramana - Ramana :(

Poddunne TV choodakoodadu, levagane paper kooda chadavakoodadu ani rule pettukunna nenu.. bloglu kooda choodakoodadu ani pettukunte baagundemo :(...

Mullapudi Venkata Ramana garu raasina Koti-Kommacchi malli rendo saari booklo chaduvutunna naaku tanu inka leru ante edo teerani lotu anipistundi... endaro mahaanubhaavulu evarini nenu choodalekapoyaanu, ee jantani choosi raavaali ani manasulo ninne anukunnanu kooda Inkothi-Kommacchi pustakaanni modalu pedutoo..

Swathi weeklylo prati vaaram chadivi, malli pustakaalu koni mallee malle chadive autobiography idokkatenemo nenu.

Naaku ento aatmeeyamaina manishini pogottukunnattugaa anipistundi ante aayana rachanallo nenu enta lenam aipoyaano kada... kashtaalani inta navvutoo kooda raayagalagadam aayanake chellindi... aa vaakyaalu chadivi navvaalo.. shh.. navvakoodadu avi jeevita satyaalu ani lempalesukovaalo artham kaaka elaanti alochana lekunda navvukuntoo mottam bhale tamaashaagaa raasina aayana inka leru ante nijamgaa chaaaaaaaaaala pedda lotu.

Rest in Peace Ramana Garu!!! 

Feb 22, 2011

JP and Me

To me, JP meant or maybe even means everything good in politics.  Personally, a person on whom we can not point a finger on, genuine and an encyclopedia of political administrative knowledge and one person of which clan/breed or whatever it is I wish there were more and proud to be a contemporary of his.

I initially came to know about him through Loksatta Movement when there were these campaigns of bringing about awareness in people through ads in TV channels... that tone still rings in my ears.. LOKSATTA.. IDI MEE SATTAA and those teeny tiny ads.. these kinds of moulded my thought process in the very crucial age, in late 90s, in my teens.

What is a vote, how do we vote, what is a tendered vote, what is beurocracy and basically the fact that what we say or do has a say in our government.. Government is not God, it is not just for those elderly people. if you have a basic qualification of being 18, you can change the political picture..such basic information was given to me by Loksatta, awareness in simple terminology in depth and clear knowledge and implementation and a whole lot more.

Then I got interested in politics, awareness of surroundings, governance, good governance, local self governance and a lot many things and eventually got to know the person behind it all.. JP!! and the respect has grown tremendously over years..  Just out of college, in teens, with a whole lot of ideas, an age far from being realistic and the fad of being idealistic.  In spite of a sea change in thought process from that phase, JP has retained a place in my heart that only grew with time..

Then when I heard LSP was started, around 2007 at which time I was in US, I got registered in the party and was amused at the pain and efforts they took to ensure I was not sending black money for the fund and their transparency and all and then got into knowing more about it.. but some times, when I was closer to reality, when the meets were organized abroad, more than anything there came a feeling that it is just fund-raising they are interested in and also being away and not being there in person to feel and respond spontaneously did not help either.  I maybe wrong but that is what is impressed upon me.

Being associated with LSP was a fashion statement, talking about JP was the IN thing and it was like just being associated with his name or party or ideals gave credibility to THEM as individuals, some desperate efforts at self promotion, JP the new feel-good factor.  I have, in person, seen just very few dedicated people who actually wanted to give some thing back to the society and not just claim.. all speak, no one turns up when there is need.. then I got sucked up into my own life BUT JP still remains to be a ray of hope in this world with rapidly declining human values.

I get angry on JP a lot of times myself, feel like shaking him up hard and asking him to do something, tell him that I have so many hopes on you and you are just being diplomatic, you know everything but you just give a smile and a statement here and there.. you are not marketing yourself well dammit do it and DO IT NOW!!! Your preachings of practices are not actually working out.. when you start speaking there are times when I dont even understand the terminology, please get down to the common man's speech, communicate in simple language be it English or Telugu.  Be practical, guide us practically.. there is so much of energy in youth to be tapped if you set your thought at it, do it more often.  Even if I want to get a residence certificate I need to run around offices for weeks together for a genuine certificate without shelling out a paisa.. what the hell are you doing, wake up JP???  But then again, I realize it is like I am getting angry at myself.. what can a sole warrior do.. yes, he is being diplomatic times and that irks me but when I look at what he does in his small tiny way, he is clearing up the mountains of mess each step at a time on his path and I am expecting a clear ground miles and miles away from his sight and capability.

The recent incident of manhandling JP, no earth did not shake, I did not feel anything to be honest.. Instant reaction was in fact, well he deserves this for not being aggressive.  In his own words.. THE SILENCE OF GOOD MEN IS MORE DANGEROUS THAN BRUTALITY OF BAD MEN..rang in my ears.  To be really honest, at some point I worried that he was turning a politician and not the leader I envisioned him to be but then after the instant reaction phase wears off, I think and re-think and can only feel pity for ourselves.  It in not insult to JP, he will emerge as a better person through it all but it is in fact an insult to me, an insult to a common man who has the guts to say some thing.

It is the naked truth about true state of affairs, unsure if it is anarchy or what??  Scary to know that when an elected representative and a head of the state have to hesitate to speak and are manhandled in the place where the bills and laws to govern the entire state are formulated, amidst of full security, what about anywhere else.. how can one dare to open the mouth.. does he struggle for his survival or the survival of justice/law in a law-less land???  We happen to be in a rapidly degenerating society and that is proven time and again when the elected representatives are abused in public.  By hook or by crook, once they are elected they are our elected representatives, we give them the power to do whatever with our lives, we ourselves hand them over a stick to beat us black and blue.

I like JP as a leader, guess it will take time for me to see him as politician or maybe he is in the adjusting phase as well.. not sure, cant say!!  JP as a person will always remain an inspiration, someone I would love the kid to turn out as when she grows up.

Nenu jarigindaanni khanda khandaalugaa khandinchestunnanu, dukkhinchestunnaanu, kottinodi chetulu kaallu virigiponu, tittinodi noru padiponu, veelakidem poyekaalam, idi mana raashtra dourbhaagyam laanti pedda pedda maatalu ananu.  My total reaction to the event over all is that I need to be more conscientious and socially aware and responsible citizen who needs to vote and make sure that others around me vote for service oriented person and primarily not resort to amoral ways whatever small or big they are like getting things done out of turn, paying for special services, etc... especially more so with a kid to watch me over and learn from me.

Inni kaburlu cheptunnaam kada JP great, JP gem, JP adi, JP idi ani manalo enta mandi confidentgaa aayana anni changes testunna tana sonta wardlo next election gelustaaru ani.  Grass roots levello work cheste, we understand the extent of corruption, the extent of favoritism, nepotism and the power of BLACK money...

CLICK HERE to see his baby steps at change.

picchi kukkallaaga siggu lekunda roadna padi kottuku chacchedi prajaaseva cheyyadaaniki maatrame, maaku indulo ara paisaa laabham ledu idantaa maa seva nirati, maa samskruti meeda maaku prema, guddu goosu anni edava cuttinglicchukuntoo aa characterlo leenamaipoyi maree jeevinchestunte road meeda laagoo lekunda tirige chinna pillodu kooda nammadu eerojullo... ayinaa sare vichitramgaa alaanti vaalle mana pratinidhulu. mari ekkada tannindo telisi kooda enduku kanta sosha tecchukovadam.

"Naakenduku.. indulo naakenti" ane mana mindset maarchukunenta varuku, mana chuttu pakkana vaallaki artham ayyelaaga cheppanantavaruku, chuttu pakkala jarige anyaayaalu choosi choodanuttu oorukunnanta varuku, mana vantuga manam elaanti krushi cheyyanappudu kaneesam manaki ilaanti sensitive issues meeda comment chese arhatha kooda undadu anedi naa personal opinion..

So, Harsha, my reaction instantly was "what else can we expect?... now, it is a revelation in itself.  I just wanted to keep quiet because of the above said reason and hence no reaction for so long, but ide same question chaala mandi nannu adigaaru what do you feel now ani and more than answering anyone I feel that I should answer myself.. thanks, I would otherwise have just buried this under so many layers!!

Feb 21, 2011

So much of positivity...and a prodigy

Came across these 2 videos on FB again :).

I loved every bit of the byte here... the person, the positivity, the performance, the attitude, on stage, off stage support, the judges and all.. they did not make a big  fuss as to how this guy could do so much, tears, drama and stuff.. they acknowledged his talent with a lot of grace.  I loved the hosts encouragement from backstage.  To me, it signifies acceptance as being normal rather than glorifying something which is not and then showering the praise.. silent acknowledgment for the tremendous effort..

A 1-1/2 year old kid performing on stage without fear speaks for itself and she seems to be enjoying all the attention too :).  I love such prodigies but one thought always crosses my mind if the kid has taken to it by choice or was there any pressure behind it.. tough to say but these days I am trying consciously not to let that thought mask my marvel at the actual act.

Feb 13, 2011

Naa Andhrapradesh

Lyricist: sahitya sagar (sa sa)
singers: anjana sowmya,sravana bargavi and pawan
Music composer: naresh
Editor : vamshi
Director: vasu
Its a product of TEAM WORKS

Andhra Pradesh Theme Song, Beauty of Andhra
Telangana, rayalaseema, Hyderabad, Andhra, Costal

Came across this beautiful video on AP, the beauty of AP, the colors and all...

konchem songlo telugu tedaagaa anipinchindi but maybe raagamloki maariste alaa ayyindo or singer telugu speaker kaado idea ledu.. but just loved this song.. this just got me out of the melancholic mood.


Chetkaanitanam... kopam, kasi.. evari meeda?

I am really disturbed for the past 2 days due to an incident in the village that cost the life of a mother and a newborn kid... sheer negligence.. too much to say, too little restraint... kasi, kopam.. naa meeda naake asahyam, chetikaani tanaaniki paraakaashta anipistundi.. kaani cheyyagaligindi kooda emi ledu... I need to write, I need to get it out of my system and better still out of our system... but I need some composure before I even think of it...

Feb 11, 2011

Mondi, Penki..

These are the two words used to  describe me at times by my mom, from when?? I dont really remember.. of the many adjectives, both good and bad, these are the prominent, especially since she has a very submissive character and I a very rebellious one.  Looks like we have always had our differences from the time immemorial (!!).

I am at times perplexed at so much of bluntness on her part in certain things pertaining to me and not surprisingly that is where I get this trait of mine.  I used to get very angry when she used to say "idi aadada gaadida?" a vast gap in both ideas and ideologies.  I kind of rebelled right from when I remember.  Like I was forced to use English language all the times at home, not allowed to watch Telugu TV ever, read Hindu News Paper every single day, read CSR and Wisdom, not to go out and play much outside in stead read and listen to Tape recorder, etc.. One major task was pray every day as soon as we wake up and before our bedtime.  I used to hate every single thing.  I was given a glass of milk every day to drink which I just liked to throw away unnoticed if possible not because I did not like to drink the milk but because I was forced by my mother to do it, such was the anger.

Trust me, I used to swear to myself that once I am free from her I will never get back to any of them, so much of repulsion, so much of pent up anger.  Come to look at it, all of her enforced activities were for my own good. In fact, I love doing all of them now.  I used to curse her under the breath each time I prayed.. In it all, I missed the core essence of it, never paid attention to the meaning just uttered the words because I was scared of her and those very words of prayer is what I say each and every day and every single moment.

When I get the time to ponder on the behavior, I realize one thing.. she did all the very right things for us, she provided us with everything BUT I failed to see the reason underneath and chose to rebel blindly.  Partly, if not entirely, the reason for it was I was never asked to do something, I was ORDERED to do it and I hated orders with all my will and punished ruthlessly for not doing so which added fuel to the fire.  In her own stresses of life, she just provided but was never there to make me realize what it was all about and for years together, I was blind to solutions of so many things because I was blinded with some unknown, unclear feeling.

A big lesson passed to me from my mom is never to drill down anything forcibly without actually giving a reason, good or bad, and spend actual time with the kid to see that they actually see the point.  Most importantly, try and understand the reason behind the distance than just brand and point it out harshly time and again in front of anyone and everyone, it HURTS beyond measure and you end up feeling like an orphan in spite of having everyone, betrayed by the ones who are supposed to shield you.  To add to it, I was at my grandmom's place most of the time with aunts and uncles visiting who always contradictory stuff to say about our habits and negative thoughts rushed in time and again which did not help much.

If someone blames me without a reason and gives me a name, then I make it a point to BE JUST THAT and show how it actually is when I am like that.. mondi ante jagamondi laaga, penki ante rana penkilaagaa, anukunnavaadiki/annavaadiki anukunna rakamgaa, inka anta kante konchem ekkuvagaa.  I know it is the worst trait in a person and destructs that person only but it is one of the core areas that I need to work on.-

I do not really know where the seeds for such an attitude were sown but by time I want to come out if, it is a full-grown, roots deeply spread tree too difficult to just pluck out... maybe the toughest task to eliminate totally ever but still nothing impossible if I try..

Feb 10, 2011

A look inside myself

I usually open my blog to catch a glimpse of the blogs that I love to read and only then do I get down to write something in here.

Somehow, when I opened it today, could not stand the picture on it.  . I so wanted to post something to get the previous post out of my view as and when I open this page.. then I begin to think, why so much of negativity.

It is strange how our mind works.  There was this instant "what the hell??? How the hell could she choose this guy over everybody else?" ever since then my life has been all about ducking in order to stay safe financially and not get into his clutches in the name of "investments."  But still I always had a smile on the face when I spoke to him, in fact, I was at my friend's place for a couple of months at which time he was actually "out of town" on auditing trips.

The question to myself is, when I could bear him at that point in time, knowing fully well something was definitely wrong with this guy, all the while trying to make my friend see the reason why cant I now.  Why is there so much of hatred in me for a person.. it is not necessarily this person.. I seem to have this really really strong emotion towards people who I consider are wrong which is in its purest and wildest forms "hatred."  I guess, it is just a part of my reacting extremely towards anything.  I can only take things to a certain point and also partly because I don't react instantly when something is wrong.  I brood over it for a while, don't really want to hurt that person, don't really want to be bad by saying anything wrong, take it all calmly and only when it goes beyond the level of tolerance do I burst out and when I do, it is like that forever.  Why is it that I do not remedy it?

One thing I need to focus on is "stopping sitting over stuff"  If something/some one is bothering me, no matter what anybody would say or think, get it out of the system then and there itself, politely and positively and if something irks even after that clarification, LET IT GO.  It is just that I give importance to so many things and so many people and their feelings all that time that for a while I suppress my actual need to point out that problem out and by the time I actually do it is beyond repair.  People or things or issues bother me because I give them so much of priority.  The problem is I should LET GO, let go all the attachment to that person and everything else dissipates.  It is easy to say but trust me, the toughest to practice.  It is not LETTING GO OF PEOPLE FROM YOUR OUTER WORLD BUT YOUR INNER WORLD, A WORLD FOR YOURSELF.

I should not come to a point where I hate a person or thing but just let it go.. 'cos one fine day I will hate myself for hating so much.

The core reason of my being where I am and doing what I am today is to escape the negativity that is building up in my mind where I could no longer recognize the person I was becoming.  The point is I try to be positive but escape negativity.. escaping isnt the solution.  Facing it and throwing it away is.  The worst thing is, I realize it and am not able to win over the escapist in me just because I am not trying enough or to put it bluntly, I just preach myself but have never practised!!!

Feb 9, 2011

Meet The Fraud

Hariprasad Kondamudi.

The person above claims himself to be a CA, ICWA or independent accounting professional or whatever is convenient to him, actually hails from a daily-wages labor background with no proper educational credentials.  He works in and around Andhra Pradesh and now trying to shift base to Gujarat.

This is a married man for 10 years with wife and two school-going children.  He has cheated another lady, unfortunately, who happens to be very well educated friend of mine who comes from a very honest and credible family and married her in 2004 in Yadagiri Gutta with his father and brother in attendance to the wedding.

He has taken all possible personal/vehicle loans on her name from all major banks, money from unsuspecting parents of the lady, sold away all the gold she had with her and has mentally harassed the lady friend of mine to the point of mental imbalance who now refuses any help from anyone and just wants to continue the life trying to change him.

If he happens to claim to be a friend or acquaintance of mine or any educated individual to get tax filing projects, etc., it is just another of his schemes, so please do not give in to it.  We had suspicions all through but the facts came to light just a few days ago.

I was contemplating publishing this for a while but it is high time I did that as we perceive a threat to the lady's life who just wants to stay put with him no matter what.  After all the efforts, I sadly dissociate myself from her.

BUT if anything happens to that friend of mine, I want to put it up here, he is solely responsible, be it a homicide or a suicide and I wont leave it at that!!!  I tried to shake her out of her world and make her see the reality but she wants to stay put and try and reform him in what way?? Only SHE KNOWS!!!

It is only in papers or TV channels you come across such people.  All the while, I was thinking how could people be such fools to give into such fraud's schemes but being cheated by one for years... 6 years to be precise, having suspicions but trying to trust for the sake of the friend and her sanity, now I know how it all happens.  I am perplexed at his courage to do all this.  If this could happen to an educated very highly placed family.. I don't have words.

Please, do pass it on. 

Feb 8, 2011

Close to my heart..

I happened to see this video on a friend's wall post in FB and it triggered a whole lot of emotions which come and go once in a while.

Before anything, I must say I feel good to have been able to stay in the esteemed campus for a while amidst of so much going on academically.  I wish I had been there at some better time when my life itself wasnt an utter chaos but nonetheless I feel good that I do.  My brother has done his masters as well as his phD from IIT Mumbai and I must say he is exceptionally brilliant as were his fellow students from that place.  It bustles with life.

However, there are quite a few things in my mind that go along with IIT, this term has been there all through my growing years.. like you know, you are good only when you can get into it.  Well, not everyone but a vast majority used to think that way.  I hated the parental pressure back then so much and I dont like it much now either.

Graduates from IIT and IIM are no doubt the best, maybe the best in the world among their counterparts but still I hate the people who look down on anyone else who is not from one of those institutions.  Yes, you are intelligent and you got lucky to be a part of it, we respect you for that BUT.. NO, no one gives one  right to look down upon others because of that or anything else for that matter. I dont say everyone of them is like that.. most of them are very simple, humble and grounded and teach us a lesson or two in humility but the minority few do irk me a lot.

They don't get it on a platter, they struggle really hard, some times at the cost of many more things important in their life.  I have seen my brother go for it, not because anyone wanted him to do it but out of his own interest.  Nothing ever comes easy and I have seen him slog, I have seen him grow as an individual, I have seen him through the best and worst during that phase.  In short, it made him what he is today.

I happened to stay in a hostel for a while with my brother which housed students with issues, those brilliant boys succumbing to pressure, crumbling badly once in a while not able to cope up, some very very tiny statistical value end up losing everything despite being able to get to the top, the race ultimately takes over them.. so must say have been witness to the other end of the aura.  It is painful to see those geniuses struggle to learn basics of living like social interaction and stuff.

I know a lot of kids whose parents drive them crazy right from 8th or 9th class to get through IIT which takes maybe 3,500 people at the max at one go, each year across the campuses in India.  I have seen people make their kids do it again and again multiple times, to get into deemed institutions.  I have seen kids cramming away from pre-dawn to late night having little else in life.  I also happen to understand that this does not stop even once they get into the institute. I am amazed at the talent those kids had, the all India ranks they had, the scholarships they had won but still struggling to just barely survive.

Now, I question myself do I want it for my kid or any kid.. it is a double-edged sword, the answer, I think, because unless we show them various paths they will be at loss to figure out what they want to at that early age.. do they really want to be put through all this?  Is there not a way so that we make it likeable for them and not just force it on them.  I know a lot of people who really really want to be there and work for it.. Brilliant, but how do we have more of them.

I have seen people's attitude towards an IIT graduate.  When someone asks me about my brother and I say he has just finished his phD or whatever he was doing at that time and the immediate question from where and when I say IIT, the name itself brings in so much of appreciation and there is an instant change in the questioner's demeanor and it happens almost all the time.  I am happy for him but only because he did it willingly.

How do we guide a kid, mould a kid.. exposing to all the possible avenues of life and help them make the best of whatever they have, to come to terms with the capabilities and at the same time limitations.  Try working on enhancing the capabilities and overcoming the limitations, just a little step each time and not a giant leap by any standard making like a pleasure and not pressure.  Be the best in what you do.. err.. WHAT YOU WANT TO DO.

Whatever it is that the kid wants to be, I personally promise to give my best for her so that she gives her best to it, no two ways about it...

There is another aspect to this whole thing, the brain drain stuff which is another point altogether.. my primary concern, however, is just the pressure..

Feb 4, 2011

Feels like heaven

Books, reading them takes me into another world altogether.  I am the happiest when I dig my nose into one and wander in the wonderland of imagination... it is 80% light stuff and 20% heavy reading for me.  I dont really remember how I got into reading or when that love transformed into a passion.. I just read, read, and read.. in US, books were my best friends.  There was a time when I was tested by people to actually find out if I actually read a book cover to cover or just read some summary or review and telling them that I simply read the whole book because I read with an amazing speed. The concerned person checked me by asking questions from every corner of the book taking pains to read it and then ask me the questions. Back then I took the pains to prove them that I was reading.  Come to think of it, if one were to do that to me ever again, I would never ever answer.  I dont really find the need to prove myself any longer. I AM.

You must be a book lover to appreciate one is what I feel.  I was gifted a Sony reader by relative by marriage and that is my most prized possession but it is kind of a white elephant considering the cost of the e-books.. So, I am planning to go for an upgraded version of it.. just wish something could zoom in pdf format too with the same features as in other compatible formats and give that comfort of book reading.  I am just not cut out for reading from the system. I am from the good old world of feeling and holding the book that transports me to a different world.

I read all the time, doing everything cooking, cleaning, eating every spare minute I could find earlier.  In fact, I even got some audio books back there so that I finish my chores listening to them.  A warm tub of bubble bath, some light music in the background, a book in hand uninterrupted cover to cover read is my best memory of book reading.

Back in the village, I almost finished three-quarters of the books in library but nothing really ignited the passion, it was reading for the sake of reading, nothing that I wanted to read and read, I read because that is what I had available.

Thanks to Flipkart and Evening Hour and their service at my rural doorstep, I must say I am back in my world, one that I create for myself... If you see that glow on my face, you know the reason now :). Yes, I am in love yet again with my buddies, the books.

am off to some heavy-duty reading and am loving every moment of life.. kid, work, books... my world a hassle-free one for the time being :).

I miss the days where I spent a part of my earnings for books, now am back to it... a few books every single month and then a break and now a new beginning.

For Evil Eyes on LO