Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

Ref: Chichkoo is what I lovingly call my daughter, kiddo my brother, amma and taatee my late maternal grandparents, and OA is the other adult in the family.

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Jan 29, 2011

Aur aajkaa class... am guilty!!!


There are certain things we get used to, or let me say I got to used to, some things taken for granted, that is the way of life. I was not born in riches neither raised in them. I come from a lower middle class family to begin with.. what my forefathers were or had is just history, most of my childhood and all my best memories of life were from a place which had nothing new.. just loads of love, my grandmother's place. I am told time and again that my uncles had to work as laborers at our relatives place and they have come up a long and hard way. My own parents never did, they had good jobs a far better proportion than my grandparents but we had our own issues making it an above average financially but dysfunctional household, so most of my life had been in the village.

It is a common scenario in the villages, especially in my community, to have loads of help at home.. one to clean the house, one 24/7 person, one for the cattle, one for errands, etc. No matter how rich or poor we were by default BIG because of the caste we belonged to and there were always people. By the time we were old enough to realize our surroundings, the grandfather left his biggest vice, playing cards and from then on there was no shortage of money even though there was never excess and then we had people working for us, to play with, to walk us around, to move around the cattle, whatever and a household help since we had a big front yard and back yard to clean and due to age problem, the grandmother could not do it on her own. So, long story short, I was raised by my grandparents with the help of the helping aids.  Since childhood they never let us do anything out of love and that, I must say, I am guilty of taking it for granted.

Somehow I never really gave much thought about the help I have at home or their lives. I am always grateful at what they do but never really gave it a thought that I was actually living off their childhood or maybe even if I knew, I just pushed it aside because it was the way it is supposed to be.. No one really told me we were born to command and they to serve but somehow without realizing that was what was projected.

People working as household help are usually youngsters, girls who stopped school after 10th or after puberty and waiting to be married, meanwhile earning for their dowry or whatever or the very old ones whose kids have kind of abandoned them. My experience tells me that even if I refuse their services they will be hired elsewhere and in fact most of them like to be in OUR brick and concrete houses with all equipment, work there, stay there and be one among us than go back home, so I have kind of turned a blind-eye to it all.. they are not small kids, they are above 16 yrs. of age but still yes they are with us all the time, their waking hours, their most productive hours, their happy hours everything is with us.. our sorrows are theirs, our pain is theirs. I ensure that they are well-fed, well-clothed, put some money in the bank for them BUT have to give some to the greedy parents but still youth and elderly are the ones who come to work.

I cannot, in this stage, do anything else than employ them and ensure their well-being all that is within my limits but at times I feel terrible, especially since the past month where all I have done is lie around on the bed. There are kids who come and play with LO, I give stuff to them and they feel that I do something really big but it breaks my heart 'cos I know deep within that I am actually kind of paying them off in my own little way. If I were to do something really big as they portray it to be, there are a lot more children out there :(, then why only them... It hurts all the more when people call it charity, no I DON'T, I am just being practical and taking credit for NOTHING is what I am guilty of..

One sentence... Do you work more hours than your age???? is what triggered this..'cos I see some people do it and in a way have been guilty of making people work for me.. scream out for help to even bring a glass of water when all I can do was to go walk and get it...now I realize when I actually have to do it because of my immobility.  I make it a point, from this moment, to do all my chores myself when I am capable of it... enough of taking things for granted... 'cos just feeling guilty is not enough.. I need to practice before I preach and the kids need good values.  The generation next should at least not be the same as we are born to believe.  I admire the kids in US in this aspect a lot, born Indian and raised with an attitude of the West towards work is what I like to follow.....

Zindagi Roj Class Leti Hai



An awesome ad I have come across.. I love ads like I have mentioned a million times already.. less than 3 minutes, at times values and lessons lasting a lifetime..

Learn from self before anything/anyone else.



Jan 28, 2011

...and I dedicate this to...

my cute little monster Sreya without whose help this would not have been possible ;)... buildup vaddu matter cheppu antunnaru kada.. adigo vacchestunna... vacchestunna...


Vacchesaa..




Bhagi has chosen me for this and I am really honored.. I still have the memory of talking to her regarding blogging, her helping out and NOW looking at Idliburger, I am really really proud of her..


Here are the rules of the award:

1. Accept the award. Post it on your blog with the name of the person who has granted the award and his or her blog link.
2. Pay it forward to 15 other bloggers. Please don't leave it general and just invite all your blogger friends to collect the Award. It's always nice to be nominated so please do the favour and nominate 15 bloggers to share the Award with.
3. Contact those blog owners and let them know they’ve been chosen.



I dont really think I can give it to just 15 people but I would love to pass it on to
Usha
Indu
Bhagi


Both of whose posts I love to read.. Usha an inspiration for many things.  Indu for her bubbliness... and Bhagi for how she has blossomed into an ace food blogger....


and everyone else on the blog list...

Jan 27, 2011

Speechless



These kids say it all.... tears rolling down the cheeks, a reflex reaction... touched.

Expectations

In life we come across a lot of people and each person, knowingly or unknowingly leaves a mark on you.  There are times when you get support from unexpected corners and rejection from the least suspected people and that is when you sit back and ponder and then get back to life.

The past 5 years of my life have seen tremendous changes gave me experiences that can maybe amount up to five lives, brought out the worst and the best in me.  If I look at my life from a third person point of view, I would call myself a survivor and maybe even feel if I were out of my mind at times but in all it has been an amazing transformation from what I have been earlier.

I used to be so insecure searching for ways to run away from my world which is mine take it or leave it to a different place searching for happiness.  Finally, I take a break from all the running and instead looking shooing away the demons in my mind and must say have succeeded a lot.

When I respect a person it is with all my heart and when I lose it I dont even look back, it is just a blunt cut but now it does not really bother me, I dont necessarily severe all my ties with the person but I cut my mental connection and be normal.  Trust me that gives the much needed peace of mind.  The only person you can correct is yourself.  Instead of diverting my energy violently, just ignore it.

I respect elders.. or for that matter anyone up to the point they respect me, particularly when I try my best to retain it 'cos most important thing to me is to be able to respect myself and then expect anyone else to do that and trust me working at gaining my own respect is the toughest thing I had to, I still struggle but I am reaching there... I look up at people but to be able to be considered as respectable in their view, if I have to stoop down at the cost of my self respect, I really don't care..

.I like to be respected but if it is by pretension and not being my actual self or by losing my self-respect, then I prefer my self-respect...

Jan 10, 2011

Paravaaledu... Manasaara

Another lyrical wonder with good music to go with.. a rarity in the recent times

song from Manasaara.. Chandu has done the review of the song here, so the lyrics and the link are there

మచ్చేదో వున్నాదని మబ్బుల్లో జాబిల్లి దాగుండిపోదు,  పరవాలేదు పరవాలేదు.. the raaga link


awesome lyrical value...

Naaku modati saare bhale nacchina songslo idokati.. it is a good movie too to watch.  In fact, I liked all the songs, good one from Bhaskarbhatla garu.

yet another gem from the same movie... much to the taste of the kid, fast and racy, yet so meaningful.. something that we both agree on :)

Aakasam talavanchaali, bhookampam rappinchaali
Beebatsam srushtinchaali.. chale chalo
Neekunna sainyam ante neeloni dhairyam anthe
Jegante moginchaali… chalo chalo chalo chalo.. chale chalo -oh- chale chalo..-2-

Otami villuni viriche.. aa teguve neeke unte.. ika rekkalu kattuku vijayam nee chuttu chuttu tiragada
nippula nicchena meeda okko adugunu vestoo nuvvu korina sikharam ekkey…nuvu pada pada pada --chale chalo -oh-
--aakasam--

Sudulunde sandraana enno mingese sorachepaluntay, Praanamto chelagaatamaade lotentunna dookeyy
Nadicheti nee daarilona.. cheerese mulleno untay.. Netturune chindinchukuntoo gamyam cheraaloyi
Bantilo unna pantaanni choodaaliraa..Enta kodutunte antanta lestundiraa
Chuttu kammesukostunna cheekatlani..Chinna minugurlu dheekotti champeyvaa.. nuvvu chale chalo-oh-
-Aakasam-

Gaandrinche puli eduru vaste kallallo kalletti choosey nee kantlo gelupantaa choosi Daani gunde aagipoa
Chematant chindaali kadaraa anukunte gelavaalikadaraa..Bhayapadutoo venakadugu vaddu antam chooseyraa
Arati chettu katteti kosesina.. kasigaa malli molaketti vastundiraa
Gaalipatamemo gaganaanni edirinchada.. daanilone enta dammundo choosava… Nuvvu chale chalo, chale chalo..

an old world of music..

Jan 9, 2011

A deserving win

Finally a show that has been a vital part of my day for the past 3 monhts has come to an end and to me, personally, it was a deserving win.. Shwetha Tiwari, call her fake, call her diplomatic, call her dominating.. I have only one word her.. MOTHER... a dignified person who kept her honor throughout staying in the murk, setting an example for a lot of people.  Last year, it was Raja who was in the finals, there is a whole lot of difference in the way, 2 of them approached it.

I understand how tough it would have been for her to leave the kid out with the ever-present fear of Raja doing something and in fact, he even did create a mess when she was in; that is all her personal stuff to deal with.. but I truly applaud the way she carried herself and she deserves that prize.. she was not hypocritical in saying I would give it to charity or whatever but in stead said she would spend every single rupee on her daughter and her future.. Good luck lady!! Way to Go.

Jan 8, 2011

Summing it up

Look at my archives this is the seventh consecutive year of my blogging :).. great.  I dont usually give up anything I start and if I do never restart so wasnt really sure it could come this long ever.. but it did.  Last year was the all time high in terms of posts.. almost a post every other day if we go by the numbers.. and successfully finishing NaBloWriMo without giving it a miss.. hoping to do it next year as well.. this year, got introduced to the world of Telugu blogging and even started one.. :).  and of course Usha inspired me to do the Life in Pictures which I really enjoy doing.. A 365-day pic-a-day project to begin with..

This past year has been a memorable year of my life above all risen as an individual, got stronger, calmer but health-wise the worst phase ever with something or the other cropping up.. ranging from smallest to the biggest and the worst asthma, never realized breathing could be this painful but as an individual there are a few things that I achieved, I have come a long way from anger at being helpless.  I now realize that so much of pent up anger was actually a reflex of love I used to bear for a person and a cause I believed in and also the fact that you only rise in love and not fall down steeper.. but the anger actually dissipated once the un-reciprocated love died finally when I could prove a point that I was not actually mad with anger as I was projected to be by that person and there was actually a genuine cause for it.  It also made me realize, we should not rely on people even the closest of family who need proofs to believe what you say.. and all the struggle, unnecessary be it, was worth it.. not because I proved a point but because I am allowed to live my life in my own terms without judgment.  This is not the finality, things may move back to square one but my credibility in my own eyes, my reassurance is in firm place, the confidence that I can make my kid understand IF AND IF need be, is there..

I once had a lesson in school where a old peasant was mad at his life and went to a guruji to get his problems solved.. he went on complaining about his life in general and said that it was really tough to live in such a small house with wife, kids, and his parents and things were very miserable.  The master gave a sweet smile and handed him a cat to take home with and asked him to return after a week, the peasant was even more miserable but the master just smiled and sent him back with a dog.  The scene at the home was worse with the cat and dog fighting with each other and sadder still peasant returned to the master.. who again sent him back with a cock.  Each week he thus added one more living being to the household and the farmer got sadder and sadder and eventually when he could take it no longer.. the master asked him to return the cock.. the farmer returned back a bit happy and the next week, the cat, the next week the dog and finally when the house of free of all the additions, the farmer was actually way too happy with his same house and life.

When he profusely thanks the master for bringing happiness to his life, the master smiles and says, it is just the same it was before you came but you never realized it was so much easier back then.. only when you were loaded with additives did you understand the worth of it all..

I dont really remember which class it was.. maybe 3rd or 4th but this story lingered on in my mind.. and now it is crystal clear to me.. the life and all.. in spite of everything, I feel a winner.. when I used to crib and crib about my health and the final straw broke on this first when I broke the good second leg, the pain of injections and all that.. phew.. nightmare, I am happy now that the course of injections is over.. I feel in a lot better shape even though the leg pain is just the same.. it is just a matter of time it will go too.. i have taken a resolution many times but this time it comes from the very core... This past year and the present one define me as a person, so really do not want to change a single bit about it..

Hope you all had an enlightening year like mine :) and wish you the very best ahead.

For Evil Eyes on LO