There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Jan 2, 2012

Rambling Away On The Year Past

There is so much to say, so many lines forming and erasing themselves in the mind.. too many backlogs, want to write but not really sure as to how much I explore those thoughts without losing the current balance and frame of mind.

The year left behind so many memories, what began with a disastrous fall and getting bedridden for 2 months ended with being really fit and fine than I had been in the last few years, so that is a blessing!

Relationships stable and plateaued with an understanding not to rush things, daughter growing up beautifully (touchwood) some times a chatterbox, some times a naughty toddler, some times mature beyond years baby, some times just plain my baby :), amazing how they grow up leaving you to wonder wherever their supposed innocence and babyhood has been left behind.

Loss of my youngest maternal uncle bringing out varied emotions, anger, frustration, sadness everything in equal measure.  So much of distress and it still seems like he is around somewhere just like he was and any time we would hear his very familiar scream "Pandu gaaaaaaaaaaaa" the name with which the kid is identified in the village, a life wasted... extreme sadness, uncontrollable anger and a lesson to just not get drowned by emotions!!!

Job front went for a toss with so many breaks but stressors have gone down a lot.  I have been relaxing all I want, not really wanting to work.  Some times there is this fear that I am getting used to not work, a nagging fear that I am gradually rusting myself very far from being the ambitious professional girl that I was at one point.  I need to push myself doubly harder just to focus and sit and make myself want to work and not find excuses.  I need to motivate myself to cut myself from the extended holidaying break-taking mode.

Personally, I feel that I am a better person than I had been for quite some time, I see my good old self resurfacing at times though not fully.  There is not that much of anger, resignation to fate has not set in but a deeper understanding gave way to matured thinking leaving the cool me take over the hot-blooded decision maker.  Being a rebel, aggressive everything is slowing giving way to being more passive.. but the anger still kindles from time to time, need to work a lot more on this aspect.

All in all, I would say, the last year left me a very changed person, a lot more at peace with myself and pretty much relaxed and content person, the restlessness factor takes a backseat and that really calls for YAYYYYYY!!!!

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