It has been a while since I wrote you anything specifically. Dont I have to say anything to you or do I say to you that often that I dont write to you any more.
You have grown up leaps and bounds, talk a lot not the baby talk but you hold on to adult conversations quite by yourself for quite some time. When people look at you talking ,they mistake you for some kid quite older than you actually are (touchwood) but I do miss those baby days terribly. Those words like "neena (water), beeba (blanket with a baby pic) and that cute little "tea" you used to say so delicately like a baby parrot. That tiny baby who I could carry along in a half-folded towel fashioned like a swing is walking, talking and just about a tiny individual already. You have choices, tastes and you just make sure that I know them and not force mine on you though I occasionally insist in case it involves your nutrition intake!... err not just insist.. beg, shout, shove, push, carrot and stick approach whatever it is that takes to get something into that tiny little tummy of yours.. sigh!!!
One major change in your life is your knowing your father and spending a lot of time in person with him, being spoilt rotten with him dancing to your tunes, just giving you everything from a car to an ipad which you surprisingly are so adept at using (and I am like, what the hell an i-pad to a toddler, crazy or what???) just because you happen to ask him for them.
There is so much love in you to share it equally with both of us and surprisingly though I was initially angry and frustrated at so many changes happening so quickly and also for just not being able to let them out in front of you and occasionally bursting out not being able to contain the rage any longer.. there were so many ups and downs, highs and lows and now that the things have plateau'd I consider that it is in your best interest that things are working out, so let them be and not resist. To be honest to you and myself, maybe I just gave up the struggle giving it a mask of maturity. Whatever is the case, let me assure you kid that you will never ever be blamed for whatever has happened or will happen. It has been my doing and will be so.
Some times I get scared when you talk that you might turn into those "buduru bendakaay kids" who talk anything and everything that comes to their mind watching those damn telugu serials and listening to their parents/relatives/neighbors/maids talk but (touchwood) you are still a baby no matter how much you think you are BIGGG and blissfully unaware of any such language.
We stepped into the year 2012 together on a very sad note losing my loved maama and your Duddaai and surprisingly as much as I was working out on telling you what it actually meant, you seem to have understood just like you do everything else. You know he will not return and you know no pain as such. I just want you to remain to be so unaffected by anything and everything. While I struggle with my own pain, I see you putting into practice what is taught to us adults but never practiced.. MOVE ON UNAFFECTED.
We have been to many trips, visited so many places, met so many people and had so much of fun together as a unit called family which I thought I could never give you besides me and you making up for everything else, which I must say takes a load off my chest.
You know nothing in English, including basic "what is your name?" because I just have not felt the need to teach you English which you will be bombarded with the for your entire life once you enter into the school. When you are at loss to answer when someone talks to you in English suddenly, I used to feel a pinch of guilt and run to your rescue explaining to the people, perfectly telugu speaking individuals, that we prefer to talk in Telugu, so you do not actually understand and get those dirty looks (yes, they do give) as if I am ruining your life talking to you in our mother tongue. When it is a conscious decision, why that guilt in me? just because you are lagging behind in understanding for NOW does not mean you will never know it. Now when you are moving with some English speaking telugu kids you do understand and will gradually know. I am not depriving you of anything, you will just take your time to get there :).
I want to say so much to you, write a lot more but English is failing me.. now that we have a mode of communication and you do understand it pretty well, I guess my mind is tuned to talk to you, think about you in Telugu.. will get back to that in some time.. like every time, there is sooooooooooooooo much to say and you know that I wont rest until I tell it to you.. so stay tuned for some...errrrr a LOT more..
Retain that lovely nature of yours, be good, do good, spread cheer, love and joy just the same way ever!!!
Love you naaanu,
Amma (your tuttuma).