There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Sep 4, 2012

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts..

Back after a very long stretch of rituals and kind of masked grieving for the family.  To be honest to myself, my detached-ness to the person or circumstances kind of helped me sail through but I know the pain that eventually settles in and takes a long while to go for the immediate family, the husband, the son and daughter.  The less to no bonding on my part has kind of eliminated the aftermath grieving for me but being there, doing things for the person I hardly interacted with in a while and made up my mind to have nothing to do with be it good or bad is really taxing and stressing and that too without hurting self or hurting the feelings of the people around.

The rituals, customs, traditions surrounding the death of a person, right from the last breath to up to  about a year where one is supposed to perform so many things in the memory of deceased left me thinking.

Poyina manishiki todugaa migili unnavaallu aarthikamgaa, maanasikamgaa, saareerikamgaa naligipovadam... aa kharchu, aa daambikaalu, aa dubaaraa...  I just wish we take as much care in spending the time and making that effort when the person was alive.  Bratikunnappudu tongi choose opika leni prati vaadu poyinaaka ayyo ilaa jarigindaa ani saanubhooti choopistunte baadhanu minchi kopam... poyina manishini gurinchi kaasta manchi cheppalekapoyinaa chedu enduku ani gnanam leni vaallani choosi chiraaku.

Every single thing is again associated with so many issues... manishi poyi okadestunte kaburu cheyyaledu ani okadi chirru burrulu... aa padi rojulu kutumba sabhyulu antaa oka chota cheri aa manishi gurinchi talchukuni cheyyadam maanesi, mallee inko saari veellu kanapadataaro ledo, unnappude anni chakkabettukovaali ane manastatvam :(..

Naaku saayam chesindi ani trupti lekundaa, inkokadiki naakante ekkuva chesindi ani edupu... human relationships kind of amaze me these days... backbiting, anger, frustration.. veetanniti madhyalo nijamaina prema kadupuna puttina biddalaki, kanna talli tandrulaki tappa vere evariki undadu anipinchindi.. :(..

Being in a responsible situation, expected to be decent, dignified handling the stuff, it had been a tough time holding myself up.. and if I dare think there is going to be an easy way out of the grief/pain, there is so much of thinking to do, about the future, the kid me and the OA and a lot more things...

Need a lot of strength and peace...

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