There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Jul 4, 2013

Anger, sorrow, vacuum!!!

Many things not happening... like me being disciplined, in track of things, meditating regularly, but then what is new, something really really upsetting and bothering, a virtual friend of mine is no more.. very young, a mom of a child, happy go lucky simple sweet girl.. she lost her health battle.. while here I am, fit and fine but losing faith on myself a little at a time, turning into a monster I hate, and mos importantly the rage bouts are back high time... thinking of one person triggers them the most but then why do I have to, why the hell does she have to scare me so much so that I lose every bit of my self restraint??

I hate people who act, who have this capability of making them look like victims and pointing at people like they are the torturers... damn!!! well that is how they live, full of selfishness, money mindedness, shamelessness.. but each time I think I have gotten over that hatred, I surprise myself... i want to give up, I think I have but no it is very much existent.. .sigh!!!

Once again, nothing really interests me... being with the kid soothes me, comforts me, but that part of paranoid mom, attending to each and every whim and fancy is not there, the one left is the one I am gradually finding it hard to relate to...

a way out, the key is within me but I dont want to find it... I get the motivation to do so but then after the initial interest I see no point and just let it be... that is not how it was just a while ago, the fighter, the survivor, the hardworker is no where in sight.. all that is left is this lazy grumpy floating fat lady just drifting along...

HIGH TIME!!!! to change....

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For Evil Eyes on LO