There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Oct 31, 2013

Evil, ghosts...

When I look back at the year past and the last 2 months in particular, all I realize is messy, crazy, hopelessly useless.... could have done much but nothing, just wasted and the last few days I spend even more time on that garbage... This Halloween I heartfully wish for all these demons and evil inside me to get away trick or treating... not to return ever again..

Oct 28, 2013


After about losing my peace of mind for a few hours, tidying up the house which I was otherwise in no mood of, blogging about it.. finally I feel it had all been a silly outburst and I have way more important things to do and yet another serious reminder that I should trust my instincts and no matter what, not even for the kid should I ever get into the company of people who think tangentially different than I do.  I can engage her in much better ways than actually being suffocated and acting all good...

Why did I ever stop venting out my feelings on the blog.. 'cos when I do, it means I am on track. lack of interest in this, somehow signifies a lack of interest in a lot of things..

Oct 27, 2013

Kasi, Kopam, Ukrosham..

These are my exact feelings of mine tonight as I type this message... I have always had problem mingling with people who do not match my wavelength and whenever I force myself to do that, it always backfired.

I am deeply hurt and disturbed today... I have heard of politics, back biting in the play groups, between neighbors and friends but first time face chestunnaanu so dimma dirigi mind block ayyi kottukuntunnaa... nidra kooda pattatledu .

The first time I took LO out to play area, I did not get a good feel about anything, there were groups, they were talking and making fun and getting back to groups.  It all seemed dirty, scary and new.  It took me some time to mingle in the group and stay afloat amidst of so much of suffocation... konta time pattindi naaku mingle ayyi taamaraaku meeda neeti bottulaaga undadaaniki.  Even though I preach it to many people, putting it to practice has been really tough.

My one golden rule is do not bitch about anybody or talk bad about anyone or give a chance for anyone to speak.. noru manchidaite ooru manchidi autundi ani and I strictly practiced it... some silly kid-pushing stuff unte I tackled sternly that no one gets away pushing other children and that is it... never too much intimacy, but superficially I was good with all... I thought I was good at it too and felt I was an expert at tackling cheap people and mentalities and I was surpassing my own expectations in getting along with them and even succeeding to make them feel as part of their group.  I was feeling like an expert until today when one lady pings me in FB and says "I heard that you are talking ill of me, please refrain."

I ask her what it is, she wont tell me.. all she says is "I heard from someone close to you that you have been talking ill about me, I never expected it from you, you disappointed me."

I get crazy mad at the content and feel like ignoring and leaving it at that but if I do that why will I be me.. I responded explaining I did not do it and once done I feel that I should not have given a justification.

She said okay I trust you but beware someone is using your name or you have enemies ani... those are very big words to me... enemies, back-biting, bitching.. why the hell when I have not spoken anything at all 100%.  Now I doubt everything anyone does or says to me because all through the past year, I felt no one has problems with me and I had no problems with anyone... I hate it all the more 'cos I am not there to figure out who that person or maybe I should be glad I am out of that dirty mess...!!!

Whatever it is, I am pissed off, totally and completely.

Oct 26, 2013


something I saw in the FB that I can relate to by indianizing it though...


1. Paint her nails. Then let her scratch it off and dirty them up. Teach her to care about her appearance, and then quickly remind her that living and having fun is most important.

2. Let her put on your makeup, even if it means bright-red-smudged lips and streaked-blue eyes. Let her experiment in her attempts to be like you…then let her be herself.

3. Let her be wild. She may want to stay home and read books on the couch, or she may want to hop on the back of a motorcycle-gasp. She may be a homebody or a traveler. She may fall in love with the wrong boy, or meet mr. right at age 5. Try to remember that you were her age once. Everyone makes mistakes, let her make her own.

4. Be present. Be there for her at her Kindergarten performances, her dance recitals, her soccer games…her everyday-little-moments. When she looks through the crowds of people, she will be looking for your smile and pride. Show it to her as often as possible.

5. Encourage her to try on your shoes and play dress-up. If she would rather wear her brother’s superman cape with high heals, allow it. If she wants to wear a tutu or dinosaur costume to the grocery store, why stop her? She needs to decide who she is and be confident in her decision.

6. Teach her to be independent. Show her by example that woman can be strong. Find and follow your own passions. Search for outlets of expression and enjoyment for yourself- not just your husband or children. Define yourself by your own attributes, not by what others expect you to be. Know who you are as a person, and help your daughter find out who she is.

7. Pick flowers with her. Put them in her hair. There is nothing more beautiful than a girl and a flower.

8. Let her get messy. Get messy with her, no matter how much it makes you cringe inside. Splash in the puddles, throw snowballs, make mud pies, finger paint the walls: just let it happen. The most wonderful of memories are often the messy ones.

9. Give her good role models- you being one of them. Introduce her to successful woman- friends, co-workers, doctors, astronauts, or authors. Read to her about influential woman- Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Marie Curie. Read her the words of inspirational woman- Jane Austen, Sylvia Plath, Emily Dickinson. She should know that anything is possible.

10. Show her affection. Daughters will mimic the compassion of their mother. “I love yous” and Eskimo kisses go a long way.

11. Hold her hand. Whether she is 3 years-old in the parking lot or sixteen years old in the mall, hold on to her always- this will teach her to be confident in herself and proud of her family.

12. Believe in her. It is the moments that she does not believe in herself that she will need you to believe enough for both of you. Whether it is a spelling test in the first grade, a big game or recital, a first date, or the first day of college…remind her of the independent and capable woman you have taught her to be.

13. Tell her how beautiful she is. Whether it is her first day of Kindergarten, immediately after a soccer game where she is grass-stained and sweaty, or her wedding day. She needs your reminders. She needs your pride. She needs your reassurance. She is only human.

14. Love her father. Teach her to love a good man, like him. One who lets her be herself…she is after all wonderful.

15. Make forts with boxes and blankets. Help her to find magic in the ordinary, to imagine, to create and to believe in fairy tales. Someday she will make her 5 by 5 dorm-room her home with magic touches and inspiration. And she will fall in love with a boy and believe him to be Prince Charming.

16. Read to her. Read her Dr. Seuss and Eric Carle. But also remember the power of Sylvia Plath and Robert Frost. Show her the beauty of words on a page and let her see you enjoy them. Words can be simply written and simply spoken, yet can harvest so much meaning. Help her to find their meaning.

17. Teach her how to love- with passion and kisses. Love her passionately. Love her father passionately and her siblings passionately. Express your love. Show her how to love with no restraint. Let her get her heart broken and try again. Let her cry, and gush, giggle and scream. She will love like you love or hate like you hate. So, choose love for both you and her.

18. Encourage her to dance and sing. Dance and sing with her- even if it sounds or looks horrible. Let her wiggle to nursery rhymes. Let her dance on her daddy's feet and spin in your arms. Then later, let her blast noise and headbang in her bedroom with her door shut if she wants. Or karaoke to Tom Petty in the living room if she would rather. Introduce her to the classics- like The Beatles- and listen to her latest favorite- like Taylor Swift. Share the magic of music together, it will bring you closer- or at least create a soundtrack to your life together.

19. Share secrets together. Communicate. Talk. Talk about anything. Let her tell you about boys, friends, school. Listen. Ask questions. Share dreams, hopes, concerns. She is not only your daughter, you are not only her mother. Be her friend too.

20. Teach her manners. Because sometimes you have to be her mother, not just her friend. The world is a happier place when made up of polite words and smiles.

21. Teach her when to stand-up and when to walk away. Whether she has classmates who tease her because of her glasses, or a boyfriend who tells her she is too fat - let her know she does not have to listen. Make sure she knows how to demand respect - she is worthy of it. It does not mean she has to fight back with fists or words, because sometimes you say more with silence. Also make sure she knows which battles are worth fighting. Remind her that some people can be mean and nasty because of jealousy, or other personal reasons. Help her to understand when to shut her mouth and walk-away. Teach her to be the better person.

22. Let her choose who she loves. Even when you see through the charming boy she thinks he is, let her love him without your disapproving words; she will anyway. When he breaks her heart, be there for her with words of support rather than I told-you-so. Let her mess up again and again until she finds the one. And when she finds the one, tell her.

23. Mother her. Being a mother - to her - is undoubtedly one of your greatest accomplishments. Share with her the joys of motherhood, so one day she will want to be a mother too. Remind her over and over again with words and kisses that no one will ever love her like you love her. No one can replace or replicate a mother's love for their children.

24. Comfort her. Because sometimes you just need your mommy. When she is sick, rub her back, make her soup and cover her in blankets - no matter how old she is. Someday, if she is giving birth to her own child, push her hair out of her face, encourage her, and tell her how beautiful she is. These are the moments she will remember you for. And someday when her husband rubs her back in attempt to comfort her...she may just whisper, "I need my mommy."

25. Be home. When she is sick with a cold or broken heart, she will come to you; welcome her. When she is engaged or pregnant, she will run to you to share her news; embrace her. When she is lost or confused, she will search for you; find her. When she needs advice on boys, schools, friends or an outfit; tell her. She is your daughter and will always need a safe harbor - where she can turn a key to see comforting eyes and a familiar smile; be home.

Oct 25, 2013

Making it look easy...

Making it look easy is not just easy as it looks... This is what the kid picked up from Angelina Ballerina on Netflix... something which has caught my attention.. it is so true.  She has been teaching us a lot these days, a more verbal, a lot more mature.. sometimes a lot more than we both put together...TW..


There is a lot of uncertainty and a need to settle fast...another couple of weeks our corporate accommodation comes to an end, the kid has been out of school for the past 2 weeks, she is bored, through with her break and raring to go to school.  She cannot go to pre-k school as the elementary schools start from KG over here and back to the church school grind which again would mean that she needs to wait till we find an accommodation..

Me on the other side have all sorts of ailments physical and mental finding all sorts of excuses not to do anything constructive from the gloomy weather to state of mind... depression of another kind which is just pulling me down but then again what kind of a self image am I projecting to myself, it gets worse if i keep thinking that way and do nothing.

Yesterday was the worst, broke the ipad screen yet again, burnt milk bowl in the oven forgetting to set off the bake mode while trying to make curd, milk spilled on the stove shutting it down and me not realizing until there was smell all over the home... phew, I need to get used to cooking on gas stoves in US, scary!!!  There are loads of clothes waiting to be washed, folded and storted, the current residence is a mess, the kid is bored and there I am staring into the sky or immersing myself in the damn tv.... escaping the duties... need to buck up...

well, it is tough to put it even on the blog but I think this is just the beginning and I get some sense of purpose very soon..

Oct 23, 2013

Been a while..

Too many things happening at the same nothing really changing to me within...

We moved with the United States, new place far away from the previous one, huge change in terms of lifestyle, climate and a lot of things.  Just as we were thinking that we were set in US, this change.  Well, it is good in a way that things will be more under our control or maybe not!! but still we decide to take that chance and try for the much wanted GC, most of our generations dream.  Yes, we have fallen for it and yes, we have a lot of reasons for that.. he,he,he.. who doesn't?  So the journey with so many hopes begins...

I am very laidback, totally hopelessly tv and FB addicted and hence the delay in posting.. I need to free myself of the clutches and do something worthwhile... let us see if the change in place does something to my all time low motivation...

and how have you all been??  Chaitu, this one is for you, I will be doing more.. I kind of feel my identity is lost somewhere in the flow of those crappy tv serials... need to be back ASAP.

For Evil Eyes on LO