There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Oct 27, 2013

Kasi, Kopam, Ukrosham..

These are my exact feelings of mine tonight as I type this message... I have always had problem mingling with people who do not match my wavelength and whenever I force myself to do that, it always backfired.

I am deeply hurt and disturbed today... I have heard of politics, back biting in the play groups, between neighbors and friends but first time face chestunnaanu so dimma dirigi mind block ayyi kottukuntunnaa... nidra kooda pattatledu .

The first time I took LO out to play area, I did not get a good feel about anything, there were groups, they were talking and making fun and getting back to groups.  It all seemed dirty, scary and new.  It took me some time to mingle in the group and stay afloat amidst of so much of suffocation... konta time pattindi naaku mingle ayyi taamaraaku meeda neeti bottulaaga undadaaniki.  Even though I preach it to many people, putting it to practice has been really tough.

My one golden rule is do not bitch about anybody or talk bad about anyone or give a chance for anyone to speak.. noru manchidaite ooru manchidi autundi ani and I strictly practiced it... some silly kid-pushing stuff unte I tackled sternly that no one gets away pushing other children and that is it... never too much intimacy, but superficially I was good with all... I thought I was good at it too and felt I was an expert at tackling cheap people and mentalities and I was surpassing my own expectations in getting along with them and even succeeding to make them feel as part of their group.  I was feeling like an expert until today when one lady pings me in FB and says "I heard that you are talking ill of me, please refrain."

I ask her what it is, she wont tell me.. all she says is "I heard from someone close to you that you have been talking ill about me, I never expected it from you, you disappointed me."

I get crazy mad at the content and feel like ignoring and leaving it at that but if I do that why will I be me.. I responded explaining I did not do it and once done I feel that I should not have given a justification.

She said okay I trust you but beware someone is using your name or you have enemies ani... those are very big words to me... enemies, back-biting, bitching.. why the hell when I have not spoken anything at all 100%.  Now I doubt everything anyone does or says to me because all through the past year, I felt no one has problems with me and I had no problems with anyone... I hate it all the more 'cos I am not there to figure out who that person or maybe I should be glad I am out of that dirty mess...!!!

Whatever it is, I am pissed off, totally and completely.

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