The free fall happened and it so happened that he could never recover... whatever the reason, the one thing that I really really admire about him is his immense control and the way he remained tight lipped on the Chiru daughter. No matter what the issue was, what problem he faced, he never got it out in open though there were a lot of sympathizers for him, he never made a mess of it, just kept working on getting back which he unfortunately could not.
IF and IF there had been no Chiru, would he have sustained his stardom, I am not sure with the stories that he got later on, nothing could have saved those debacles. Shelved projects, no idea but all in all blaming one family or a person for one's downfall is just not fair. One should cope up with problems. No one can make or break a person other than himself.
The point of the post or my grief is when people close to him say that his suicide was a shocker, I dont believe it. We just never gave a thought to it but in his last days, whatever be the reason, he seemed so lost and sad. His death like his life had been a mystery, he seemingly left no indication of what his problem was... maybe like he said in his own words... how many people should he convince and explain his point of view true.. in this mechanical world, no one has time for another person.
Hearing speculations about his death was painful... had that guilt feeling in the corner of having left him, not looking back.. surprisingly not even the curiosity of a star life or whatever nothing could bind us together, and we just drifted apart. Seeing that kid lying lifelessly at NIMS or the body unclaimed, uncle being so nonchalant about it all, akka on her way home so many tensions, such an unexpected news and the travel from abroad and all her tensions and the time between his death and her arrival taught us a lot of lessons in life, bringing out so many emotional insecurities that me and my brother have, the lives that we lead away from each other, the uncertainity factor until we reach one another, the similarities if god forbid something should happen, hit me really really hard.
Those 2 days until he was put to rest, could not just sleep, remembering the time together and more than that the time after that where maybe he needed being in touch with real people and not from the reel world around him... and even today whenever I remember him it is deep pain and regret of not having been in touch...
picchi kopam chacchipoyaadu ani, taravaata jarigindi choosinappudu intakannaa daari ledu tanaki anipinchenta baadha... enduku chesadu ani tanani titto ledante atani moolaane ani Chiruni titto manaki aa abhaagyudi praanam tirigi raadu...
Cant really say will miss him as we hardly ever met any longer but the fact that he is not among us or not breathing the same air as we are and that we could not ever see even if we want to is hurting, beyond what words can express.