Foreword

There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Jan 31, 2014

Uday-asthamayam

The past few days, some things have hurt me beyond compare, some thing about people in my life, rather who used to be in my life.  A really close buddy, a shy guy with a dimpled smile, the one who I remember calling me Tuskee and tagging along every alternate day for a whole year until I found my friend gang who later turned out to be a teenage sensation, teenage heart-throb, love hero beyond compare, the gap filler after Sobhan and all those adjectives which made him from a common man to a star and those unimaginable peaks he attained, nothing sustained.

The free fall happened and it so happened that he could never recover... whatever the reason, the one thing that I really really admire about him is his immense control and the way he remained tight lipped on the Chiru daughter.  No matter what the issue was, what problem he faced, he never got it out in open though there were a lot of sympathizers for him, he never made a mess of it, just kept working on getting back which he unfortunately could not.

IF and IF there had been no Chiru, would he have sustained his stardom, I am not sure with the stories that he got later on, nothing could have saved those debacles.  Shelved projects, no idea but all in all blaming one family or a person for one's downfall is just not fair.  One should cope up with problems.  No one can make or break a person other than himself.

The point of the post or my grief is when people close to him say that his suicide was a shocker, I dont believe it.  We just never gave a thought to it but in his last days, whatever be the reason, he seemed so lost and sad.  His death like his life had been a mystery, he seemingly left no indication of what his problem was... maybe like he said in his own words... how many people should he convince and explain his point of view true..  in this mechanical world, no one has time for another person.

Hearing speculations about his death was painful... had that guilt feeling in the corner of having left him, not looking back.. surprisingly not even the curiosity of a star life or whatever nothing could bind us together, and we just drifted apart.  Seeing that kid lying lifelessly at NIMS or the body unclaimed, uncle being so nonchalant about it all, akka on her way home so many tensions, such an unexpected news and the travel from abroad and all her tensions and the time between his death and her arrival taught us a lot of lessons in life, bringing out so many emotional insecurities that me and my brother have, the lives that we lead away from each other, the uncertainity factor until we reach one another, the similarities if god forbid something should happen, hit me really really hard.

Those 2 days until he was put to rest, could not just sleep, remembering the time together and more than that the time after that where maybe he needed being in touch with real people and not from the reel world around him... and even today whenever I remember him it is deep pain and regret of not having been in touch...

picchi kopam chacchipoyaadu ani, taravaata jarigindi choosinappudu intakannaa daari ledu tanaki anipinchenta baadha... enduku chesadu ani tanani titto ledante atani moolaane ani Chiruni titto manaki aa abhaagyudi praanam tirigi raadu...

Cant really say will miss him as we hardly ever met any longer but the fact that he is not among us or not breathing the same air as we are and that we could not ever see even if we want to is hurting, beyond what words can express.

2 comments:

asha said...

heart wrenching!! But all of his contemporaries like Tarun, Navadeep, Aakash who became popular as lover boys are out of films. Uday's films have not been very different from their's. He must have done lesser films than theirs due to the issue with chiranjeevi. But the final stage would have been the same. He could have looked at his career from that point of view.
I felt very bad that people saw an opportunity in his death to politicize.

Sree said...

Exactly my point, it was an era and a trend where some chocolate face guy could reign the hearts of youth and then they gradually faded.

In spite of Chiru, he had movies and that means that Chiru even if he was trying was not trying hard enough. The scripts that followed were duds, he lived in a bubble and that burst suddenly.

My anguish was that people around him saying it shocking, it was inevitable and people closer to him should have known it better, anticipated and worked towards it which all of us failed to do... he is a sensitive guy and they need a lot of support which he obviously lacked... the others in the list survived because of the support system they have, which UD did not..

For Evil Eyes on LO