There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Dec 31, 2016

Political Wrapup..

There is no doubt that with CBN at the helm of affairs of the state, I feel much more comfortable, secure and confident about future than anyone else in that place in the foreseeable future. Leaving the year 2016 on a very positive note for the state.  Once I read the news of Recce or increased threat for him, the 1st thought that comes to mind is the number of tragic deaths in TDP, be it due to accidents or Maoists.  From the bottom of my heart, I do pray that he is safe and lives to be a 100 (touchwood).

 Modiji majority of indians do like "sacchaayi and Acchaayi" and have shown that they stand by these values in spite of all odds. Jantaa has done its part BUT your Sarkaar is yet to catch up as we still await cracking of whip on people who are found with lakhs of crores of rupees in new currency to begin with... Forget unearthing what they have been doing with the old currency over years, parallel economy or whatever and yes I might not be the only one who feels your latest address seems more like Satsang on "Aastha Channel."  and this means a HATS OFF to each and every person who made it possible in spite of the seemingly monkey business of government in implementation.  I still pray and hope and dread the prospect of having be led by Rahul or some puppet under Rahul and Sonia yet again and still believe that Modi will succeed in whatever he started to do.

AND it gives me creeps looking at the lady Sasikala, standing strong and so powerful in spite of all the bigwigs suspecting foul play in the death of iron lady JJ.  Her oath as GS of AIDMK all seems so disgusting and listening to her say "Makkal Naan, Makkal Kaaga Naan" in a voice that was never heard earlier somehow seems so evil and criminal.  SN as I have seen maybe a good friend or a soul sister or better still a personal caretaker whose family looted TN in the name of JJ should just have been a caretaker and not a successor.  That void left by the most well-read, graceful, dignified lady to be filled by Sasikala, to me, is a personal disaster.  Rest in Peace JJ.

Speaking of hierarchy and family in politics, the yadav clan beats them all and as the drama unfolds hope at least now people understand what they are voting for.

Rahul and Jagan in the meanwhile continue to reiterate the fact that we should be thankful that they are not ruling us yet and keep us toes to never let that happen.

JP is back to educating us and I hope his voice gains more strength and support from all the quarters and emerges as a biggest whistle blower in the politics.

PK...??  I hope he starts his groundwork to choose candidates and does a lot of groundwork picking the right people and take it from there if he is really serious about helping people by entering politics rather than his random "item" and special appearances.

Looking forward to going back home seems like bringing in that essential "life" back into life at this point..

Have a happy new year....

Dec 30, 2016


My thoughts on December 8, a month into the historic decision..

"A month into "demonetization drive" when nothing has stopped for the rich or at the least seemingly in-convinced them, instances of bank staff getting richer by the hour, new notes found on terrorists, gold stores making a quick buck, to counterfeits found, to what not in the process of finding loopholes of conversion... I salute the people of the nation who have shown the strength and resilience and the honest bank officials braving it all, still hoping and making it a "not just a failure as yet."
"Great intent with no content" is what I don't want to hear after all the hardships the common man has faced in hopes of a better future for themselves and their kids!!! Good job people and BUCK UP Modi and gang!!! the 50 days is around the corner and the big players are still at large.."

 With just another day left for Modi to address as to how he is going to take it further.

It is easier for me to be optimistic because I was not inconvenienced at all by the long queues, the cash-strapped life and so much of confusion with flash news and ever-changing rules by RBI "కేంద్ర ప్రభుత్వ కీలక నిర్ణయం" has  become  a laughing stock but yes, I am absolutely bowled over by the confidence of people who have faced all these and still think there is some hope.

Hope Modi does live up to the hopes of millions of honest people rather than supporting a few black money hoarders, the lakhs of crores of new currency caught but no action taken, with the rich going cashless easily while the poor are struggling yet hoping against hope that something good comes out of it.

I would consider the demonetization drive a success if at least a handful of such people are arrested and shown their place, looking for a ray of hope that the govt. has not done all this just to inconvenience the honest middle class but to actually fill their lives with hope that not everything is lost yet... it has been a hectic past few days and I am babbling and writing just because I dont want to lose this train of thought.... will get back and possibly edit or leave it like this and post more...

Dec 26, 2016

A slap and a turnaround...

Like I had mentioned many times before, I have been lost in the world of FB and browsing and all lost in my own world with a million things bringing me down (mentally) and some things just keeping me afloat... lost in the cyber world, internet to the point of internesting, forming my own nest in there, to the point of becoming a walking zombie craving for that browsing time, smart phone not helping, too many resolutions just to use the phone for talking and nothing else but then whatsapp as if everything in my world depends on it.  It is like people dont exist only their profiles and their whatsapp ids, talk and respond there and in person just zombie along...  Hate to talk to someone in person, wait for them to stop talking so that i can go back to my world and forget myself in that, classic symptoms of depression, eating too much, putting on weight but just looking at it helplessly than set about doing anything about it...

A real good blog buddie Chandu has put up compliment thing for spreading cheer on his FB page and this is what he had to say about me...

For the record, I revere you. One of the most intelligent, articulate, well-informed, emotionally strong women I've ever known. Also I'm perennially amazed at your ease and command over both English and Telugu. When somebody makes a kind remark about my writing skills, I always wish you don't see that to save myself from embarrassment. You, my friend, are a bonafide scholar.

To be really fair and honest, I dont deserve such high praise and I am not being modest or humble about it because I know what I have turned into, an addict in the real sense with no purpose in life than force myself to wake up, cook clean volunteer a bit and then come back and find rescue in the world wide web that sucked me into it providing me comfort and solace from the demons in my head.

It felt like a tight slap to come to senses, to be able to be that 0.000001% at least of what someone else might think of me, after consistently being made to feel like being good for nothing and then ending up feeling like one is going to be my turnaround.. to pick up and take it from there.. being closer to 40 than 30s, entering the middle age with still a little child who needs nurture to be able to build up on her nature, I cant just give up and go on zombied.

I see that I cant write that well or express that well but I will try, I will, I will and that in fact has been the motivation for me to kickstart what I had stopped a while ago, write and get it out...

Dec 25, 2016

Movies This Week

At the risk of sounding unpatriotic to the exclusive FB-moral policing gang ;)Dangal as expected turns out to be a wonderfully executed script with some really good performances by the freshers Fatima and Sanya and for once someone else in the same frame as Amir steals the thunder from him.  Though the pace seems slow and feels like a drag at times, I guess that is needed to validate the victory at the end.

Much against the general feel that these actors make more on such biopics than the real sports person, I do tend to feel many out here like me would not have known of their existence in the first place and still the world would go on.

Ramu strikes again, the film title and promotions triggering a controversy over nothing, building up hype and expectations and the output turns to be a bummer for those who expect to see anything more than diplomatic view...!

The movie has his trademark gory violence as well as human element to those crimes, could have done away with kumari and wedding song and those extreme visuals. BGM, taking, recreating that era, artists, performances, very good.

Like I mentioned in my previous post, every individual who grew up in those times would have an idea of the incidents and the stories passed down to the younger ones through eavesdropping or active participating in the discussions of adults.  The move is exactly what we knew happened, so I am sure the other party would be offended.  In fact I am surprised it is not titled Devineni 'cos as RGV says if it is the emotional aspect of the rowdyism, then it seems as if it is seen through the eyes of Nehru.  If we happen to follow Nehru or what he has maintained throughout, with a slight dramatization, it is just the same.

Vangaveeti, like RGV has maintained, is shown as the start and end of rowdyism, gang killings starting with Chalasani ending with Ranga and we end up having a soft corner or at least an understanding of Nehru and his popularity.

Contrary to the belief that the involved parties encourage caste-ism, I believe that it is the politicians that used the cast card to trigger unrest.  I agree totally that if Ranga, used caste, it was just to put the opposite party and the government in defense and thereby maybe attempted to save himself.  No matter how careful and manipulative one is, sometimes intense emotions prevail and nothing comes to rescue.  Student emotions, the blur between the rowdies and students, the settlements in the name of student politics, the unfortunate fact that politics play a major role in college days is shown.

To give him his due, taking out kamma kaapu song, whatever context it would have been in, there is nothing related to caste or any inclination towards the same.

If people had expectations that RGV, would have showed anything explosive in the movie, then they certainly have not understood him or his antics as of yet.  As is the norm, there is more explosive context outside of the movie between Radha Jr. and RGV than on screen.

Dec 21, 2016


I don't believe Vangaveeti is going to be his last Telugu film like everyone else ;)  who was present at the venue.  It is just a matter of time before something controversial catches his attention and he unleashes it on us... this was what I had predicted while still watching the event and yes by the end of it looks like he might do Siva-2 and maybe a few more... and wait, coming to that who is going to watch "Naeem" or "Sasikala" in Bollywood or maybe he will they did watch Killing Veerappan right.  With Ramu anything is possible any time.

Coming to this one, I am extremely curious as these are events closer to home and emotions of quite a few of those who associate with Vijayawada, a so-called biopic which is difficult to digest and convince people who have strongly biased beliefs on events, incidents and people about to be unveiled on screen 2 days from now.

The trend of making biopics on people still alive and immediately when the incidents take place seems to be on rise.

For a person born in Krishna District and associated with Vijayawada and belonging to either of the so-called "saamajikavargam" in the whole equation, emotions would be high.  A generation like mine grew up on stories of pre and post Ranga days, the people of these 2 castes or communities still do not get along well or just put up appearances and each section wants to believe that the other is at fault.  There is no denial that post-Ranga incident, Vja has changed a lot for good after all the property damage and stuff but people do have bitter memories of the violence outbreaks.

A distant relative was shot dead, he was a doctor and he was killed because he opposed the damage that was being done to the hospital premises or something like that which I dont remember clearly now.  Horror stories of loot, burning/damaging properties, and violence haunted people for a lot of days.  My firsthand experience was that one of my maama's was in Hyd and his family was in Vja and hearing the news he rushed back, everyone was so stressed out as we communications were not this good, no mobiles and even phones were not common in households back then, he started and took a lorry or any mode of transport he could find at that point to reach Vja and we did not know if he reached as there were no telephone booths open, my parents were tensed and somehow we got to know all was well but the fear was palpable in everyone.

When OA was excited and decided to watch the movie, to be honest I was not sure if I wanted to see the person glorified in spite of the fact that he is dead and did not have anything to do with the aftermath, I had my reservations because I grew up listening to "one" version of the story and I am sure a lot of others might have grown up believing the "other" version.

Raktacharitra was made and maybe it might have had similar impact on people and followers of Ravi and Suri in their area... Like the OA says oorlo pelliki kukkala hadavudi, (yes, I did not grow up in Vja so he teases me when I get touchy about that place).

Fan following to rowdies, gang wars, college fights they all sound so villainous to me now but there must be a generation of kids who got swayed into this, chadulu maanesi, future choosukokunda, misplaced heroworship and all that and it is even more unsettling we make movies on them and portray them as heroes for those who might not know and need not know...

Now, I am past that reluctance phase and hoping it would release somewhere close and I get to watch the premiere show.. me and my first day first show picchi.

Nov 21, 2016

Raw thoughts....

I supported the big-note stopping right from the outset but when a friend asked why the people who support are actually supporting by listing out what she did not find convincing... I was thinking through my fingers...

I cant talk of all the supporters but as to the reason why I support it is I am fed up because I cannot make enough money to have a decent shelter on my head, cant make enough to put my child through forget a reputed school a decent enough school which focuses on kid's future and not theirs, I am tired of having to pay money to get what is my right everywhere lancham lenide pani jaragadu constable ninchi watchman daaka, emante jeetam takkuva kharchulu ekkuva antaaru.

Taxeski TDS unte govt. ki eltundi lekapote avasaramaa nenu govt. services emi vaadukunnaale ani egese mindsetlo perigaanu idi tappu ani kooda anipinchanantagaa naa bloodlo adi cheripoyindi, ilaa continue autoo unte where will it lead to??

Naaku akkada nacchadu kaabatti nenu convenientgaa NRI life lead cheyyaali anukuntunna, tellodu ni choosi bhayam, nallodini choosi bhayam, anni sardukupotoo kooda India ellalante bhayam kaabatti ikkade undipovaali, GC procedure problem lekundaa aipovaali anukuntoo kids ki ide correct ani sardicheppukuntoo try chestoo unna I know it is my insecurity more than her future.

Change raavali anukuntaa adi elaa vastundo teliyadu, naa vantu cheyyaali anukuntaa edo chesaanu ane anukuntaa but edi work avvaledu, intalopu naa life aipoyindi naa kooturidi modalutundi ani artham ayyi aa aaratam inka perugutundi but i am helpless. Someone is trying to make it better, so nenu vaadini tittanu, full chance istaanu, adi tappa right evaru tappinchukunnaaru, evariki benefit ani doubt padanu, nenu completegaa wait chestaanu. maybe chaala mandi ilaage alochistoo untaaru short, nenu Indialo naakocchedaanito honestgaa batakalenu kaabatti ikkada undaali anukuntunna, so i am hopeful, I am positive and most importantly I WANT IT TO WORK...

Jun 26, 2016

Enduko, Enduko

After Sirivennela sir, if there is some one who gives his best to his writings and touches the heart it is Chandra Bose, I appreciate quite a few of his songs..

Movie - Gopala Gopala

Pilli manaku eduru padite panulu yevi jaragavanta..
Manam pilliki eduru padite karma kaali chacchunanta
balli paluku satyamanta, balli padite doshamanta
nakka toka lakku anta, nakka arupu mrutyuvanta

enduko enduko rendu kaallu manaku mukhyamantu kudi kaalu mundu antu moodha nammakaalu enduko
enduko, enduko jeevarasulanni daivamantu jantu balulu inka enduko
neelona dhairyamundagaa daaraalu enduko
nee atmasakti undagaa taayettulenduko
Chetale cheyaka chetike ranguraalla ungaralu enduko

Perukemo mangalavaaram panulakemo amangalam
Sani unna sanivaaram jaruputaaru subhakaryam
Bandilona vandalaadi parikaraalunnagaan inta nimmakaaya paina antuleni viswaasam endu endu endu ednu endukenduko

Bhoomi banti laaga thiruguthunte, dikkulanni maarutunte vaastu nammakaalu enduko
enduko enduko oo nuvvu drusti kaastha marchukunte disti bommalinka enduko
Sulaalu notilopala gucchedi enduko, paalanni puttalopala poosedi enduko sootigaa eppudu nadavakaa inka nippulona nadaka enduko..

So simply put yet so true...

May 2, 2016

People and Perceptions

I was just looking at the video of Sreeja's wedding and was wondering how could one be so ridiculous and heartless in commenting about an individual at this time.  All one could see was the love of the father and the family for a child who had erred once, that unconditional love only the parents could shower on the kid.. no one else but the parents.  It is amazing how people's minds work, to take so much of negativity in everything...

That aside,  I am fairly regular, rather an extremely active participant in social media but of late i just check the latest updates and make sure i comment on a few at least only to realize that a few of my very good buddies feel offended about not responding and thank God, they were open enough to ask and clarify that nothing is wrong and OF COURSE nothing is intentional anyways...  that sets me thinking that we dont get to go in a shell in a society, selectively or partly or unintentionally if there are your buddies they will pull us out or they get into another shell altogether where we are left to worry whatever happened????  

May 1, 2016

Spring in the step and in life

It was raining all day, the kid had first day of soccer all of them played in the field in the rain... loads of shopping done, the rain washed off the pollen a bit, the greenery all the more green, new beginnings, flowers everywhere... loving it though it does feel like winter still and not spring, there is spring in the kid's step and there is spring everywhere around...

Apr 30, 2016

Z - Zeal

It is vital to have a passion for something in life otherwise it becomes such a drag.  That missing something and that something which clearly shows in all my posts so far.  Looking back I can clearly feel the difference in the rest of my posts over the years and the ones now but then the revival has happened and I am positive the zeal to make it happen and the end of writer's block is going to be there soon..

come to think of it, it is not a writer's block it is a pause in the life a loooooooooooooooong pause of meaningless meandering around mundane things of life...

Thank you A-Z challenge to keep me motivated to post, it did help...

With just a few more minutes to spare to the end of this challenge, I reach the finish line...


Y - Yearning

Human mind yearns for something that is not within its reach.  I yearn to go back to life with my grandparents, where I did not have the luxuries but the youth and enthusiasm to go on with life, longing to be a part of natural lifestyle, up close with nature but then reality knocks at the door and here we are slogging it out every day.

Apr 26, 2016

X - X-Mas

The spirit of Christmas is so infectious here in US, everything so bright, nights are so lit up and pretty, Santa in the malls, songs on the radio, happiness everywhere.. festival in the truest sense.  Coming from India where almost every other week is a festival if we celebrate, it comes as a change.

Brightly lit streets remind me of Diwali at home, the red and gold the bright colors from the sober colors we usually get see on people outside, the egg nogg, the Christmas trees, the yard decors everything cheery....

This year, the child got her own little Christmas tree, decorated it the way she liked the best and was happy making me happy... This is the only festival she knows is celebrated given that we don't believe in any family rituals at home and nothing specific is done.

Apr 25, 2016

W - Work

One major question mark in my life is work.  Well there is work every single day but when I mean work, it means that which has goals and targets set for me, which earns money, respect and adds value to my life.  Have always had set targets for myself, reached the milestones where needed, tried to be the best in what I did and when I look back, I was very happy as long as I worked, lived life on my terms, did job on my terms and I do miss it, miss a structure in my life, miss anything purposeful to do.  Although being a mom and a wife and a homemaker is a full time job, I am slipping into a zombie mode slowly but surely....

V - Vegetarianism

Food is an acquired culture and I wish a lot of times that I were raised a non-vegetarian.  As a child, I never thought about how the meat comes, it tasted yummy, it was a treat once a week, then as an adult it was a habit and the first choice given I had an option.  Moving out here to US, eating out meant less vegetarian options and then chicken all the way.  I try hard to stop but I guess the hard is not enough 'cos I still end up eating meat from time to time.

I have noticed a difference in when I eat meat and when I dont.  If we pay close attention to our body, we realize the changes happening within, how it impacts any of us, the emotions.  I am sometimes amazed how much the pull of tongue is that I am not able to give it up for good.  It is still a work in progress I so wish I did stop it like yesterday...

Apr 23, 2016

U - Uber

Life for a nondriver in US is too dependent, long waits for bus, high prices for cabs, requests and more requests and all in all a pain.

Uber has come to me as savior, not too expensive, on time and independent.  It feels good to be able to move around with the child without any help.

PS:  I note my posts are getting smaller and smaller and more and more irrelevant these days and it kind of shows the lag that is kind of setting in, dragging and doing it by force and lot of self motivation.  I do not want to give up on the challenge or the note to myself to scribble something at the end of the day and see how much gibberish I can fill in here before I get back on track...

Apr 22, 2016

T - Time

Time and tide wait for none.  Have been hearing this all through my life... In a day, having nothing in specific to do on certain days, I lapse into my TV watching, browsing mode and then within no time it is time pick the child.  Time just disappears into thin air when it comes to a growing kid, here an infant, there a toddler ad within no time a 7-year old... so many things I want to do with her but the merciless time just runs and runs...

S - Sanity

It is very difficulty to retain sanity surrounded by people who expect to you to allow them to walk all over you.

To be sane with so many things going on your life is a well balanced act.... S also stands for sleepy, which I am right now but got to finish a post on this alphabet so I just zip through it :).

Apr 20, 2016

R - Reason

Like the adage goes common sense is the most uncommon thing these days, it is also a fact that we cannot reason with a person who is bent on being unreasonable.  I hate group politics or for that matter anything to do with having to do more than regular hi and byes in a group.  It is extremely difficult not to get into anything if we tend to go out often to the same places and keep bumping every day.

Of late I have been sucked up into a conflict between a few individuals refusing to see reason and then pulling everyone in the periphery to take sides but shouldnt that be an indicator to just leave it and run and not look back.. in stead there I am trying to fix it somehow... that itself is beyond reason... grrr...

Who said reasoning with self was easy, it is easy to give in to the spur of the moment against all good sense... 

Q - Quantico

 At this point in time, the crazy cranky me has got hooked on to Quantico and of course what else would I be doing watch it back to back whenever possible.

I actually thought of writing a post on Quest, Questions and Queer whatever or all 3 put together but given the fact that I skipped a day to post but not skipped watching an episode makes it worthy of the post.  I have stopped checking out any series on netflix or just because of the fact that they are readily available at one place and then there is no stopping me whatsoever until I finish it.  Yes, I liked it, there was this initial suspense but down to 13 and still not able to figure out a thing is not actually gripping but kind of getting boring but then me being me will see the end of it and get up to date.

Priyanka is good, better than expected, the fact that she ended up in this major role is commendable and must agree she is doing a great job.

PS:  I must confess that though I want to really put my heart into it and write good, these days out of sheer exhaustion at the end of the day, I am posting without thinking or am posting stuff that need less thinking....

Apr 18, 2016

P - Photos

One of the things that makes me happy is looking at pictures of mine, my friends and random people trying to figure out their exact feelings at the time of the captures, the moments that were frozen in print or on the camera.  It gives me immense pleasure to go back to that time with a smile on the face or a sadness at the memory of the loved ones who are not there with us either physically or at a distant place.  I used to cherish a camera, the good old roll camera where prints needed to be developed, stored in albums, stick ons or  slip ons, brought out time and again.  There was a value for the moment and we revisited often.  In the midst of all the digital pics that we take, everywhere and anywhere from the digicams, handicams, the smart phones and of course the latest craze of selfies.

I used to love photography at some point and when I could not afford a decent camera, one of my dreams was to buy a camera but then after I could, it never really clicked.  Looking through the lens was never my forte as such or let me put it this way, I could not just do it at the pace I wanted to and the spark just died off.  I am amazed at the number of pictures some people take, every where and anywhere, the distorted faces, the pouted lips, the selfies so much so that they forget to live the moment, everything for the picture, smiles, poses and worst part is the wedding photographers, it is like no one can see the event happening live in front of the eyes with their own 2 eyes, only on screens, or some gaps between the hovering lights, camera, cousins with cams, phone cams, etc.

Watching the event live, resisting the urge to take n number of pictures, letting the designated camera persons to do the needful should be good or at least I have realized that.  When the kid performs, we watch it, I prefer enjoying the moment, retaining that feel.  I have thousands of photos and videos I have not gotten back to in a long long long time and if I had continued at the rate I took them in the first year of kids life I would have taken millions of them by now.  If I miss this moment trying to film it than enjoy it, I can never live the moment.  Yes memories are important, they should be made along the way, they should be natural, not manufactured smiles, pretension rather than real feeling, I might not get along with the person next to me but the moment a cam comes on, the actor in me takes a plunge and yes we look like the best buddies all plastic smiles plastered over...

I am not saying everyone is like that or every moment is like that.  we need to capture the moment at that moment and then let it go, not get hung up on it.

Apr 17, 2016

O - Outdated, Old

My birthday and what a coincidence, as I get old I get the alphabet O on this day.  It seems like ages since I have been inhabiting this earth, less and less of people we call grandparents, lots and lots of kids calling me aunty :).  Except for the lack of stamina, it does not really bother me much.

Finally I have that single strand of white hair which technically is a starting point of "old" and as the adage goes it is absolutely true, you are only as old as you think you are...

Old movies, old songs, old friends, old people are still my favorite things.

Outdated I am in various ways, career wise, technology wise and also contemporary trend wise......

Apr 16, 2016

N - News (Nuisance and New Sense)

News from all over India and World News, I remember waiting for that round ball and that DD tune, first "praanteeya vartalu" then Jaateeya vartalu and late at night prapancha varthalu.  we used to look at TV with quite a lot of interest to know what is happening, which Summit, what olympics, what new budget, just the important and crucial information, important and meaning discussions.  Programs like Surbhi, intelligent and informational.  Now switch on a TV, all sorts of nonsense, celebrity gossips, political garbage, a couple fights, a boyfriend and girl friend make a ruckus,with 24/7 airtime, we get everything but useful news, more of a nuisance and the new sense that it is full of nonsense and often makes you feel that we can do away without knowing what they want to feed us.  Each party has a channel, a paper which acts like promotional videos 24/7 and party manifestos or daily newsletters doing nothing mudslinging on everything and every one opposing that party in question.

New words coined, new issues brought forth to keep the TRPs rolling, pushing the mike in front of a mom whose kid just died as to how she feels, disgusting!!

Apr 15, 2016

M - Memories

Memories, ever present, ready to descend on us the moment we knock their door.  The treasures that we gather over a lifetime, some times like our friends bringing in fragrance of the past and at times enemies rippling up the calm surface for a long long time.  Wanted, unwanted, invited, uninvited, memories are our constant company just a call away, soothing you, ruffling you, healing you of pain, causing a series of pain, all at once in a moment of seconds hand in hand with our thoughts...

Memories we want to share with our loved ones, memories that we would not want anyone to know, those that we want to forget so badly like those scary bad dreams you vaguely remember on waking up and then actually completely forget.

Some I want to bring back time and again, to live in that warmth like the voice of my grandmother, the touch of my grandfather, that feeling of sleeping in her lap... the scents in the kitchen that remind me of her, those taste buds that crave for the exact same taste of her handmade food, that protective hand of my grandfather, that look of concern in his face when he thought or knew I was hurting, those childish games, running around in the comfort of their home, every thing that I can give anything to get back to but know I cant.

Some I want to shut out completely, not even think to myself, some things I did, things that happened, choices that I made, options that I did not take, people I disappointed, career path, the way I let it go.

and then there is this eternal reminder to live in present and not in memories and come back to the moment on hand, NOW and wonder what kind of memory this present would make..

Apr 14, 2016

L - Love

Everything that we do in life is with love, otherwise it does not have a meaning, at least to me.  I have realized one thing of late that "loving yourself" is the most important thing.  Well, it might be but natural 'cos that is what I was destined to being the typical Linda Goodman style Arien :-) whose first love is supposedly "I, Me, Myself".

The first, foremost and the most precious love that I had known or can recollect is that of my grandparents, strangely yes, it is was amma and taatee and not my mom and dad, maybe because that is where I grew up most of my preschool life.   They were poor, had to take monetary help from my parents to give us what "extra benefits" (fancy clothing, hyd-suitable lifestyle, all that) our parents wanted us to have but still nothing compared to the food that tasted the yummiest in spite of simple ingredients, no frill comfy clothing and completely organic fresh lifestyle free from pollution and lots and lots of attention, it was love everywhere and that mattered the most.

Then the parental love, mom worked hard at job and at home to give what she thought was the best, good education, good upbringing, good values.  I remember dad showering all his love on me vaguely but then it stops there, I cant recollect anything more maybe that anger in me is blocking those childhood moments.

Sibling love, one who has gone through every single thing that I had gone through as a child, maybe the only one who comes closest to myself to actually understand how I turned out to be me, my fears, my insecurities, my stubbornness, my strengths, my weaknesses my everything, my rock solid pillar.  It is a strange relationship where we hardly talk around 2 to 3 times a year yet I know he is there for me and vice versa.

Love from friends that kept me going through highs and lows, support and encouragement, unconditional love, my guardian angels without wings who have taken care of me without expecting anything...

Then came some infatuations, crushes and major crashes and finally a love which turned out to be a decision to spend the rest of our lives together and here we are, are we still in love, yes we love the fact that we are destined to be together and love the security that we have each other, that we have a common factor to glue us together, a child that we brought into our lives.  It is not all rosy anymore but there are no thorns either.

AND it is only after the birth of my daughter that I actually understand and relate much more to all the types of love that I have ever experienced.  LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT... the kid all covered in gooey mess, just cleaned up and placed in front of me, a pink leaf-thin tongue sticking out and licking me and that is when everything else falls into a perspective.  Nothing else matters more than her.  I am not sure how I would react to a child of my child or if I would be alive to feel that but I know one thing for sure nothing has been or will be the same once you feel that gushing love for a child, your own flesh and blood.

How can this post be complete without my true and one and only love, the "Almighty" the purest of pure forms of love.

Apr 13, 2016

K - Kindness

Being kind is the simplest thing that one can do, we need not go out of our way to make someone feel special or give us their best of the smiles.  Children by default do that, spread joy through their smiles which they are kind enough to show on everyone and anyone they see and who they don't feel scared of or threatened by.

Random acts of kindness do give immense pleasure, something as simple as letting the other person go in front of you in a grocery line, offering to hold the lift door or the door when the person has 2 handfuls of stuff to hold on to, things as simple as these.  Kindness is not something one has to try hard to inculcate it has to be the second nature of an individual and then the human race would be an ideal lot :).

Consciously I have made it a point to do or say a good thing, however small it might be every single day whenever and wherever possible.  It does not take too much to genuinely appreciate an individual and if it brightens up somebody's day, there is nothing like it.

Apr 11, 2016

J - Job

There was never a question of not working in my life 'cos I had a working mom and also the fact that we could not afford to idle away or study further doing nothing.  I was not even a graduate when I started working and luckily it was something that I liked so it was never an issue to continue or not.  Could not work much back here due to status issues, worked for a couple of months and it never really worked out.

I am no longer sure if I can get back to working but I certainly feel that it is very important for a child to have a role model to work and go about life, stay strong, make decisions without thinking twice about finances...

Apr 10, 2016

I - India

It is but obvious that if A is for America, I would MOST certainly stand for India...

Each time my brother visits us here in US, he is like, WHATTT??  It feels like India the moment we enter your home, we talk, cook, eat, think Indian not even an effort to blend in culturally.  While we both enjoy the benefits of the west, coming to the way of life it is INDIA all the way.

There are times when my heart longs to be there, to have that sense of belonging, that "sthaana balam" to breathe the air of freedom.  Not that anyone is restricting me here, in fact it is much more free out here but still the fact that I can do whatever I want to, go wherever I want to, understand what everyone around me feels or says, whether to work or not depends on other factors than a piece of paper which seals my fate as "non-working, dependent" alien.  Be one among the "browns" not being looked down and sneered at some times openly, some times behind the back, termed rude, mean, banshees and what not, ridiculed for our dressing and food.  The eternal "curry smell" debate, the smiles that end at the lips and never reach the heart or the eyes, the constant nagging feeling that we dont belong here even though we have set our roots here, though we look like Indians but sound and live like Americans (ABCDs).. in short, in spite of all the wealth, freedom and space I dont actually feel FREE.

To deny the fact that racism exists is ridiculous, That aside, I am not terming every non-Indian into one category or whatever, the point of this long rhetoric is I dont feel I belong to this place where I live.  No matter how eloquently I might want to put in the best side of US, deep down the truth is India is my karma bhoomi.  It is the place where I know people will understand what I am, how I feel, how I would react or at least in one way or the other relate to in any remote way what I might be going through.  Whether I am limiting my kid's choices by this choice of relocating as soon as we are financially stable (but then again, how much is too much.  People who do not have a single penny or for that matter do not know where to find the next meal do survive!!!).

Phew!!! like the monkey mind jumping from a branch to another without connect I am writing without connect.  India is where my heart is, India is where my life is, India is where my destiny is as of now, this moment or maybe forever.

Apr 8, 2016

H - Housekeeping

Like everything else one thing that has changed over a period of time is my penchant to have things in order the OCD me transforming into the other extreme where cleaning is done only on an as needed basis... phew never a balance you see...

It all started with an OCD kid in the making, the one who could never focus on things if something was crooked or out of place even by 1/100th of an inch.  The panicky mom that I am takes a resolution to change that and now here we are both relaxing lazing around the piles of to-fold laundry, the to-do laundry overflowing in 1... na 2.. na 3 hampers, clothes pressed on when you need and eeks this is absolutely creased we need to... the dishwasher waiting to be emptied and you get the gist...

thinking of hiring a cleaner, so that explains it all....

Apr 7, 2016

G - God

A lot of things snap out of your life without a specific reason or maybe a lot of underlying reasons which are not obvious or so sudden to jolt you up but they sure do.  To me, God has just slipped out of my routine.  He was there I did not acknowledge, but I know I was never alone, some supreme was looking over me.  One needs to establish that connect with his/her own God, create his/her own heaven around oneself.

Finding God in work, everyone around you is one thing but finding God in oneself is much more important, we need to respect our body like a temple and the soul like a God...

Apr 6, 2016

F - Friends

If there is anything in life that I value the most other than my daughter, it is the friends.  There are quite of things in your life that are out of ones control but friends are the ones you choose, pick and keep them for life.  I am lucky to have some wonderful friends who look out for me, who think about me and place at a pedestal in their lives where it means a lot them and what can I say more than that I have been blessed.

Like everyone else, I have had some regrets and friends who have seen me through them, kept encouraging me to go on.  A friend who comes down to meet me when I need a pep talk just like that, lots of them offering help in any which way they can, friends who treat LO like their daughter, friends who ensure that I am fine.  I must agree that I put in a lot of effort in relationships but of late I have just cut off myself from them just the way I did with other things in life.  I dont call them often, I dont find out what is going on in their lives, I just pray they are fine.  Is it good, NOO.. what am I doing other than posting it here, well I need to put it in practice..

Apr 5, 2016

E for Entertainment

Entertainment is the primary source of my time pass in the non working days.  It has become an addiction is another thing altogether.

Entertaining nosey people and noisy people in life is something that I would like to stop, I set about working on it and seems to be working good.

Entertaining people at home is not my cup of tea, the parties where the sugar loaded kids are running around, parents trying to get them at one place and calm down, ladies discussing gold and fashion, gents jobs, sports (cricket), stocks or whatever it is... I am hating myself to the core to be a part of it, so if some one expects me to entertain in such a way... EXCUSE ME :) please...

Apr 4, 2016

D For Depression

This might be a depressing post from an individual who has been on the verge of a breakdown.  It is important to realize that depression is actually a problem that has to be addressed as a medical condition.  I have seen a couple of friends succumb to it, a few friends struggling with and myself on the verge of taking the medication with critical B12 count, the critical infection to go with, the seemingly unending rounds of tests going nowhere.

 One really good advice a friend who is to-date taking medication is never get on medication as the side effects are hopeless and it kind of becomes a zombied life once chemical take your body over and I totally agree to it.  Forcing myself out of the bed, to actually take a bath, eat something and move on with life, even a single movement was a struggle at days and what is the worst part of it is having a kid at home to take care of, to see it that none of this affects her.

A child who I have brought into this world, who meant everything to me, whose smile meant the world suddenly becomes a responsibility, a different entity than me, luckily she had been very cooperative and the situation did not get to a point where she became a burden but it was a pain to get myself to pull myself together, to put up an act that was well in front of her, hating myself for being like that... that was when Isha happened and it pulled me out of those depths, life fell back on track.  I would not say I am back to being my normal self but I was not in those blues where all I wanted to do was not get up in the morning or not go to sleep at night...

It is very dangerous if it goes undetected or overtreated.  We should have people who understand and want to make that effort.  It is a phase where nothing appeals to the person, one is at loss to understand what they want in life, what makes them go on, what should be done to pick up the strings and pull once up, the will to come out of it, the courage to let others know that it is how they feel, the inability to take those looks of pity or indifference or for that matter indifference of the person himself to everything in his/her life and herself too...

Being in good company, books, spiritual, the will to go on, the denial to give it up and of course something or someone above looking after you to come out helps.

The struggle is on, I am half way through to being myself but the other half is still a difficult path, need to work a bit harder but with the kid, her smile and her being the live example of "joy of being alive" helps a lot...

Apr 3, 2016

C for Challenge

With the need to catch up and be on track in the April Challenge, I just about race to post the supposedly the alphabet of the day C.

At a point where there is no intellectual or even simple challenge in day to day life, the zombied state that I am in most of the times, this I think will keep me on toes... and isnt it a pity that the only challenge at any point in one's life is a random blogging challenge, the actual challenge is to reverse this situation and be normal again....

and with this I finish the alphabet of the day with 10 minutes to spare :)

B For Blogging

Blogging has been a crucial thing in my most struggling phase of life, it kept me going, it kept me focused, I made a lot of friends down there, met some wonderful friends, people who just came to this spot and made sure to read 100s of posts and put in efforts to let me know and get in touch and appreciate, unknown, invisible people who read and actually made a point to let me know it did matter and I was normal, thanks a million.

In fact when I look back the phases where I had posted regularly were when I was at my best, had taken an active interest in life and the vacuum had really stress and vacuum filled in.  My best buddy, my space in this internet and an open dairy, a few people know who I am and a few dont, so a semi-anonymous blogger that I am, I hang on to this space for my sanity and that is proven many a time.

I was reading through my old posts randomly and find glimpses of the person I once was and the current stranger in my body gets a nudge to go away and bring back the now forgotten original or the current original to give way to once upon a time original...

Apr 2, 2016

A For April and America

The month of April has a lot of significance in my life, in fact that is when my life began and also that is the month the life within me was brought into this world, 9th the LO's birthday and 18th mine.  Two births in a lifetime, as a person and as a mom.

When I was told the kid was to have the same date of birth as me, I was happy for a moment, hesitant for a while (i wouldnt want her to have the bumpy ride that I had) and then when she had to be taken out surgically before time due to low amniotic fluid, she still was an April baby, the number 9 :).

and then the other significant A in my life is America, coming here has changed my life in many many ways.  I have come with dreams in my eyes, love in my heart, left it heartbroken and came back to restart, each time as a dependent, tying up my fate with OA, giving myself a reason to trust him for a life together and then for the future of the child, trying to find that magic that brought us together again.  I guess some things are lost forever or maybe you will find it just like that without trying too hard some time or the other, but whatever it is, here I am... yet again at crossroads, this time deciding to stay or to go back.

Like everything else in life, it has the pros and cons too.. America has widened my horizons and understanding people better, yet at the time it has restricted me in many ways as a non-working Alien in the immigration terminology.  A part of me longs to back there and take in the fresh air of belonging there and a part of me is unsure but then that is an unending dilemma...

April Blogging Challenge - Late Start

So, I see a couple of my blog buddies doing the A-Z challenge and then get asked by another to do the A-Z challenge, for a person trying to get back to blogging and looking for motivation, it seems like something good enough and here I go..

Like everything else, even the theme release is late... mine would be personal (PR).. what comes to my mind about my life when you think of that alphabet...put up the badge of the previous date just to appreciate the efforts of the organizers..

Apr 1, 2016


As part of decluttering home, kitchen is cleaned and with it comes the realization that half of it has never been and will never be used again :) so why not give away.  Home  feels fresher and cleaner thanks to a couple of buddies who came over to help... such friends are such a blessing in our life...

and then I fell in love head over heels with Sreeja's wedding album... she is extremely lucky to be given the second chance at life, the extremely supportive family.. 1st marriage made everyone feel "no parents should have a daughter like this" and the 2nd one "every child should have such parents"


Mar 31, 2016

Sucking the life out of life...

How easy is it for some people to suck life out of other's lives... it need not be you but the people who want to share stuff with you can also pull down our energy levels so badly... it is one such day.  A person spreads around negativity and a whole lot of collateral damage, I hear out some out of "ati mohamaatam" and trust me nothing can be as bad as that.  Like the other day's lesson, I had eventually given a headsup that I dont want to hear about any issue with that person in question EVER again.  It is easy to most difficult tasks single handedly but being in company of people who drain is "oh my God" kind of pain...

Technically I did nothing whole day, but cant term it a rest day 'cos it was a totally restless day trying to sleep but tossing around, trying to work but yawning around... phew!!!!

Finished Killing Veerappan, it was really good to watch the movie, it was good.  Again this got me thinking if system makes them the culprits or poverty makes them heroes for some.  What is right and what is wrong...  but on a very positive note, I got on to the roof of our building for the first time and the view was spectacular, I wonder why the management does not put up a terrace garden or just a terrace view point.  That was the high point of the day along with a wonderful photo frame painted by the kid, so surprised and thrilled were we to see the outcome.

Why cant mind a come with a junk filter or drain which keeps such days away...

Mar 30, 2016

Parties and Potlucks

From a long time, I wanted to document my America Chronicles as a Desi Telugu stay at home mom :), oh wow, what a description of myself, actually that sums up my current life... Americaavasapu kadhalu, title kooda select chesi pettukunnaa but it never really took off.

So life is busy between parties and potlucks and panchayats :), yes they are the part and package, how and when and where and why you dont know but you would be sucked up into them invariably and inadvertently!!

That aside, there are quite a few things I have a whole lot of opinions on like for example, Srija's wedding, Madhu Priya's Fiasco and the eye opener though really late that "runaway brides" though they seem to do heroic deeds, how they end up eventually or the Armenian genocide that I have been reading about, the adult coloring that I have taken up, the odyssey of minds which I so wanted to do with the kid, the endless back to India debate, the global warming and the horror of not having snow, the spring that came in early only to go back to cold and windy, the fact that a quiet and calm kid turns aggressive and hyper out of the blue, the need to go to physical therapy, the need to stop watching the crap in the name of entertainment and many many many more...

but here I am hopping between parties and panchayats... both of which I hate to the core...!!!!!

Mar 29, 2016

The root cause...

You talk about a problem and then you talk about it and then you only TALK ABOUT a problem and do nothing about resolving it and that is your ACTUAL problem.  You just get 10 seconds to talk about it and then if you are not doing anything about it, the only person you are going to talk to about it is THAT PERSON...

Was watching Grey's while folding a mountain of laundry which kind of is not seemingly going to end any time soon and how simply put is this... :).

I have had people who go on and on and on and o and come with one crib or another about a perfectly happy or maybe not so perfectly happy situation they are in, but then we are just their dumping grounds, only expected to listen, be sad for them, cluck in between and say oh my goodness this is the most difficult phase in your life, again and again and again even if it is about the dog that is barking 2 streets away not letting that person sleep peacefully (I know i am being sarcastic) but then yes, I take it initially for a few times but with age and some sensibility I just avoid them and run away... :).

I had to type this in before you know I just let it go... so here I go back to folding that mountain, which is looking like a hill and maybe in a few minutes nothing left :)... aww the pleasure of everything being in its place pressed and folded and in place without having to lift a finger and not costing a bomb... Indiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!!!  

Mar 28, 2016

One of those days

Some days just pass by, with so many calls, useless chatting nothing constructive as such... the eye pain, earpain and in general all aches and pains that surface on a lazy day.

Got my bluetooth speaker after trying all possible ways to pull out the headphone jack stuck in the system and then brooding over the fact that it is a new lappy and all that...

lazy lazy lazy no thoughts forming, random, lazy lazy lazy....

Mar 27, 2016

Open to what extent?

I have recently read the book Time Pass by Protima Bedi which she could not complete because of her sudden demise but put together posthumously by her daughter from Protima's journal.  I was surprised, shocked at many places not because of her lifestyle or anything but her guts to expose it anyway, even if the world might term her a woman of loose morals, she did not fear the consequences.  I always wondered how life of children of parents who live dangerously (in my opinion) would be, how they will struggle and survive in their growing up years, what would that make them, would they resent or get carried away by the flow... what are morals and who sets a standard and who are the guardians... and that set me thinking will I ever be able to put out things that openly ever anywhere or even dare to think about my life as openly and critically to myself????

 Probably no or maybe yes but not without so much internal struggle, not without restlessness, agitation and understanding coming much much later.

Coming to that will I be able to put anything on this blog without being politically correct even under anonymity..??

For that matter, can you talk or say to someone or even put on paper/blog everything that comes to your mind just like that...  Not me, not yet.

The Cook In Me

I must have mentioned like a million times the fact that my size and my love for food has got nothing to do with my love for cooking or my culinary skills, in fact it is inversely proportional if I must say.. but I am trying to love what I cannot NOT DO.  While I still curse the moment human kind decided to cook there by giving us the prep, cut, cook, clean later on tasks in stead of eating directly in the actual form the nature offers us like all other beings do :), I must admit that I have become a reasonably okay cook.  Okay cook to the point that I miss my cooking if I eat somewhere else for longer period, miss my simple as less ingredients as possible kind of cooking, mostly one pot meals.  Okay cook to the point where people ask me the recipes and try them out and actually mean when they compliment.

Refreshing to see that change after the jokes of "you are so thin because you cant really eat what you cook" "nobody can get sick with the food you cook as it apt for the patients, no salt, no spice, no taste"  "we would like to enjoy the dish so please stop cooking"... wow, when I look back the people around me have been so negative and part of me was responding to their opinion :) and that did not help my reluctance to cook :).

With the new phase of people looking forward for me to cook, I am still not into cooking, not the least motivated, I cook because we have to survive.  I love to eat but cooking is for someone else :).

PS:  I wrote this yesterday but forgot to post it :), so am sticking to my commitment to post once a day :)... touchwood :)

Mar 25, 2016

Passport to Space - Beginning!!!

With the kid turning 7 in just under a month, my idea was to gift her with a telescope so that she could venture into the unending space.  After researching on our dear old trusted genie google and narrowed down on the fact that a space binoculars as opposed to a telescope would a good start for a budding astronomer.  And then we know that there is this astronomical viewing and a lecture on Mercury transit in the observatory and go there.  Me in a hope to find someone who is an authority on this subject to help me pick the kid's gift and the kid to actually look through the telescope and look at Mercury...

Well, we did not get to see Mercury but we did see Jupiter and 2 bands on it, bright and clear  and the kid just loves it.... full of facts, excited on seeing the biggest planet visible to the naked eye usually, much closer and rich withe experience of knowing a lot more facts about movements of celestial bodies...

transit, occlutation and eclipse with examples and videos and simple demonstrations, good to start learning with the kid, enjoying it thoroughly and waiting for more...

As to buying a binoculars I have a couple of thoughts provided... One dont buy anything bring her to more viewings, let the interest build and then get something really good (sounds wise), go ahead anyway with the binoculars it is always a good buy...

what will I eventually end up doing... need to wait and watch.

Om Shanthi Oshana - 100 Days of Love

What do these both movies have in common :)... well nothing other than the fact that they are on einthusan, fabulous prints with subtitles and were suggested by friends.  I just fell in love with Nivin, shy boy next door, rugged and cute at the same time, both of them are really cute feel good love stories with strong underlying messages which are not preachy or loud.

The true movie bug that I am, I happen to watch Telugu, Bengali, Marathi and of late Malayalam with or without subtitles..

Mar 24, 2016

Hitudu - A noble way of living

I love JPB's voice, it has that solid base which is endearing, love his attitude to life even better, good guy.  Happened to watch Hitudu on friend's recommendation, it was good more than a movie felt like a docu-drama or a DD film, noble intentions, nice thoughts, good performances.  Is it practical to live a life like that, the guy was close to a saint.  Can one live in the society like that, too many observations put subtly across to touch your heart and look into yourself..

As a child, watching a few movies felt that Naxalism was an answer to many things, communism/communists are the problem solvers, leftist views are the best, then as I grew begin to understand that is not how changes are made, being on the run is not the way to help the needy, it is a bloody path which serves none.  A phase of waiting for a leader to bring some changes, no it does not work that way too.  Then comes the realization change begins with you, however small it is, it is worth it.  Try some thing in full enthusiastic mode and then nothing goes anywhere and then comes in the soothing thought... you know what, the best way to be is to live without troubling another individual, see I actually dont need to actually do anything just be, how convenient.

When I look back and think about a good and noble way of living, is just not harming any one and trying to help when I can so that my ego gets satisfied... a lot of changes need to be made, but most importantly these simple things and the constant reminder of SIMPLE LIVING AND HIGH THINKING makes a good start..

Mar 23, 2016

Of lost posts and fillers

The other day I was watching Hitudu, got a lot to ponder about in the movie, had actually written a big post for today on that but lost the content... keeping in view that I wanted to keep the posts going, I just put this point in and off I go to watch 100 Days of Love in my Malayalam spree :).

Mar 22, 2016

Premam - Grows On You Slowly

I have been watching a lot of movies of late... aww, why beat around the bush, all I have been doing is watching TV these days so I happen to watch a lot of movies too.

A while ago, Yem Maya Chesave and then Yeto Vellipoyindi Manasu had this kind of an impact on me, which made go back and watch them again.  This one is much more addictive, it is like a visual poetry, subtle emotions, Nivin at his best, that authentic Mallu flavor, sweet Malar and even the girl Celine he marries, everything so natural.  Each character you could relate to or would have seen, close to real life.  The few friends who mean everything to us, who are there every corner of your life, the crushes, the crashes and how life moves on..  that mass and softness in an individual, everything we can relate to and agree and enjoy watching on celluloid, some really good performances.

Some movies just go beyond the language barriers, one such was Bangalore days, which you end up watching and wanting more of it.  I have seen it thrice and have never felt bored, the visuals are good, the portrayal is too good...

It suits the typical my style... Just loved the rockankutthu song, the ease with which the girl does that, just blows me over along with her simple smile, cute and just makes me forget the teacher student love angle which could be bungled with unnecessary drama or over action but the subject is dealt wonderfully delicately without being offensive.

Mar 21, 2016

Officially the Addict...

No one has to really tell me the fact that I am an addict to the social media, TV and everything and anything that has no use per se but takes up whole or the most part of your life like nothing ever does.

There was a time when Farmville was the craze and I got into it, but what jolted me out of it was that i was waking up to harvest and feeling tired to wake up and feed the kid, the kid had been the top priority then and I got rid of it just like that.. but now things are different the child goes to school most of the day, then she has the activities which do not need much supervision or presence there I go off to the alluring world which does not need much thinking, watching TV, movies, browsing gathering the most useless information and feel dog tired without actually doing anything...

Also, there is another virtual group where I get carried away and no matter how much I try I cannot disentangle and putting that on paper here means that I have accepted defeat which I would not like otherwise, me being me, so the thing is here it goes and let me see if I get regular here and leave it out there.  The world of superficial feelings where I am trying to explain myself, how I feel about what I do or what I think they should do rather than living the moment.

There is so much more going on with life, the decision of to be or not to be in US, a lot of thinking and rethinking and the urge to go back getting stronger and stronger.  I hate being stranded in a country which technically terms me as an "alien" in their land and having no legal permission to work is something that adds to teh woes.  What can one who does not drive do to keep oneself sane without getting into the routine desi squabbles with the ladies in the groups that you tend to become a part of unknowingly, struggling to fit in where you dont belong, trying desperately to stay there for the sake of your child rather than anything else, being fed up with the only people you interact being the kid, kids friends, parents of kids friends or the colleagues of OA and their wives.

It is tiring, taxing and most importantly killing some part of me within.... so there it goes, my turmoil, out for all to see, nothing big but nothing small either... I am trying to figure out a way and the adjustment is taking its toll on a lot of things including the kid, need to shake it off...

Mar 12, 2016

Who or where is the person who was once in here???

I was trying to restart being regular to the blog and failed time and again and suddenly when I try to make some changes to the template and pep it up a bit to bring in change and motivate me, I see person I no longer recognize or remember from very distant past, the person who is not the now me, need to search for the person I once was or be happy and work on the person I am right now, a choice i need to make, a need to find something to be passionate about than mundane living....  

Podaam egiregiri podaam - Oopiri

Another good one.

Podaam egiregiri podaam endaaka ante yemo andaam
podaam ikkadne undi alavaataipotaam manake manam

ye daari poovule parichi manani rammannado aa daarilo
evvarini choosina navvule virise hello ane hushaarulo
podaama, podaama podaama podaama ho aakasam anchulni tadutoo - 2-
chalo podaama podaamaa  podaama podaama manani maname tadutoo

Kannulaney veedananey ye nidaro, entavaruko nannu naake choopaleda
oohalaki rekka todigi, aasalaki dikku telipi
gunde layaku kotta parugu nerputonde
lelemmani melukommani gillindilaa allarigaa
gaallo ilaa telipommani pilupe..-podaama-

Mar 1, 2016

Oka life Okatante Okate life - Oopiri

Good one.

I loved this song when I heard the lyrics first and any doubts, it is Sirivennela Sir as usual... :) and no more doubts, it has been on the loop since.

Oka life okatante okate life -2-

Idi kaade anukuntu vadileste vere avakaasam raade
Idi inte anukunte vandellu nede jeevinche veelunde -oka-

Ey.. Em ledani manam choodaale gaani oopiri leda, oohalu leva...
neekosam nuvve levaa

cheekatiki rangulese kalalenno neetodai vastundaga
ontariga levani...
 aasakkooda aasani kaliginchey ayuvu anedundevaruku, inkedo ledani anaku okko kshanamu ee bratuku kottade neeku - oka-

For Evil Eyes on LO