Each time my brother visits us here in US, he is like, WHATTT?? It feels like India the moment we enter your home, we talk, cook, eat, think Indian not even an effort to blend in culturally. While we both enjoy the benefits of the west, coming to the way of life it is INDIA all the way.
There are times when my heart longs to be there, to have that sense of belonging, that "sthaana balam" to breathe the air of freedom. Not that anyone is restricting me here, in fact it is much more free out here but still the fact that I can do whatever I want to, go wherever I want to, understand what everyone around me feels or says, whether to work or not depends on other factors than a piece of paper which seals my fate as "non-working, dependent" alien. Be one among the "browns" not being looked down and sneered at some times openly, some times behind the back, termed rude, mean, banshees and what not, ridiculed for our dressing and food. The eternal "curry smell" debate, the smiles that end at the lips and never reach the heart or the eyes, the constant nagging feeling that we dont belong here even though we have set our roots here, though we look like Indians but sound and live like Americans (ABCDs).. in short, in spite of all the wealth, freedom and space I dont actually feel FREE.
To deny the fact that racism exists is ridiculous, That aside, I am not terming every non-Indian into one category or whatever, the point of this long rhetoric is I dont feel I belong to this place where I live. No matter how eloquently I might want to put in the best side of US, deep down the truth is India is my karma bhoomi. It is the place where I know people will understand what I am, how I feel, how I would react or at least in one way or the other relate to in any remote way what I might be going through. Whether I am limiting my kid's choices by this choice of relocating as soon as we are financially stable (but then again, how much is too much. People who do not have a single penny or for that matter do not know where to find the next meal do survive!!!).
Phew!!! like the monkey mind jumping from a branch to another without connect I am writing without connect. India is where my heart is, India is where my life is, India is where my destiny is as of now, this moment or maybe forever.