There is neither a structure nor a texture to this blog. The subject matter can be anything and everything under the sky that I feel about at any given point that I happen to sit and blog rambling about everything in general. My thoughts and views are basically influenced by what I read, hear, gather, and ponder... if there is any copyright violation which I have not duly acknowledged, kindly let me know.

My world comprises of LO the little one, OA the other adult at home, kiddo the brother :)

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Dec 26, 2016

A slap and a turnaround...

Like I had mentioned many times before, I have been lost in the world of FB and browsing and all lost in my own world with a million things bringing me down (mentally) and some things just keeping me afloat... lost in the cyber world, internet to the point of internesting, forming my own nest in there, to the point of becoming a walking zombie craving for that browsing time, smart phone not helping, too many resolutions just to use the phone for talking and nothing else but then whatsapp as if everything in my world depends on it.  It is like people dont exist only their profiles and their whatsapp ids, talk and respond there and in person just zombie along...  Hate to talk to someone in person, wait for them to stop talking so that i can go back to my world and forget myself in that, classic symptoms of depression, eating too much, putting on weight but just looking at it helplessly than set about doing anything about it...

A real good blog buddie Chandu has put up compliment thing for spreading cheer on his FB page and this is what he had to say about me...

For the record, I revere you. One of the most intelligent, articulate, well-informed, emotionally strong women I've ever known. Also I'm perennially amazed at your ease and command over both English and Telugu. When somebody makes a kind remark about my writing skills, I always wish you don't see that to save myself from embarrassment. You, my friend, are a bonafide scholar.

To be really fair and honest, I dont deserve such high praise and I am not being modest or humble about it because I know what I have turned into, an addict in the real sense with no purpose in life than force myself to wake up, cook clean volunteer a bit and then come back and find rescue in the world wide web that sucked me into it providing me comfort and solace from the demons in my head.

It felt like a tight slap to come to senses, to be able to be that 0.000001% at least of what someone else might think of me, after consistently being made to feel like being good for nothing and then ending up feeling like one is going to be my turnaround.. to pick up and take it from there.. being closer to 40 than 30s, entering the middle age with still a little child who needs nurture to be able to build up on her nature, I cant just give up and go on zombied.

I see that I cant write that well or express that well but I will try, I will, I will and that in fact has been the motivation for me to kickstart what I had stopped a while ago, write and get it out...

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